


Radio Gaga

by wethinkyouthinktoomuchofus



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buffy and T.J. are friends, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Family Angst, Friendship, Good Hair Crew (Andi Mack), Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Moving, Queer Youth, Racing hearts are a motif, Slow Burn, Supportive Marty from the Party, TJ and Cyrus are oblivious, Thats okay because they are so cute tho, Tyrus is Endgame, discalculia, money problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26912770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wethinkyouthinktoomuchofus/pseuds/wethinkyouthinktoomuchofus
Summary: High School AU. TJ's entire life changed when his mom left and his dad uprooted them to live with his conservative grandparents in Shadyside, leaving behind his friends, his basketball team, and any sense of normalcy TJ had been clinging to. Not only that, but TJ is dealing with a secret of his own that he can't seem to figure out. His first night in Shadyside, he stumbles upon a certain someone at the local park's swingset. Will Cyrus be the one to help him find his way?
Relationships: Amber/Andi Mack, Buffy Driscoll/Marty, Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, Reed and T.J. (One Sided)
Comments: 91
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

TJ's eyes were glazed over as he stared out the window, barely registering the changing landscape whizzing by. His head was foggy and his body ached from all the heavy lifting he had done earlier that day. The movers had been too expensive to hire for such a short trip, at least in his father's opinion, and they really didn't have that much stuff to bring, not after mom had taken so much with her to San Diego with Charles. TJ stirred and shuddered a bit as he edged away from that line of thought, not in the mood to delve into that right now.

He glanced over his shoulder at his father, sitting silently (as usual) behind the wheel of the rumbling van. TJ squinted his eyes, taking in his dad's hunched spine, mussed blonde hair, sharp jaw, and hollow eyes. He looked so... sad.

TJ knew this was a hard time for his dad. Hell, moving in with your 60-something year old parents at the ripe age of 36-years old with your 17-year old son is humbling, to say the least. But what else was there to do? TJ reminded himself. His dad's automobile shop had gone under last year, and his mom's music lessons didn't quite cut it for them to keep the house they were renting. Her leaving that December had been the deciding factor. Suddenly, TJ's dad was unemployed, surrounded by piles of debt, with a growing son and what seemed no way out. The promise of free rent, an open position at the auto shop in Shadyside, and time to get back on their feet was too good a deal to pass up, so now here they were, moving from a city about 4 hours north to his father's hometown of Shadyside over Winter Break. TJ huffed out a sigh, brow furrowing. He could not stand the thought of being a new kid in the middle of the school year. He was resigning himself to the brutal reality of having no friends, no social life, nothing. At least he still had Reed and Lester back home to chat with.

TJ jumped slightly when his phone buzzed, and he peeked down at it, trying to see through the cracked screen. _Reed. Speak of the devil._

"New Message in _Three Fucking Idiotss"_

reedabookortwoidiot: Hey teej, where r u ?? i thought u were getting in at like 5 and we were gonna call and get a video tour of ur new place

TJ glanced at the clock in the truck. It was already 5:46 PM. He sighed. He didn't want to disappoint Reed, but he also knew that there was no way they were going to make it to Shadyside before 7, and at that point, his grandparents would be all over him and his dad and he would never get a second to himself.

He went to reply, but paused. TJ always felt a burning mix of excitement and anxiety when interacting with Reed. Reed was his best friend since they were 10-years old when their dads met at a local sports game and became quick friends. The two men had started chatting about the score, and Reed and TJ hit it off as well, wrestling in the field and playing pranks on Reed's younger sister. Those had been simpler times.

Now, sometimes TJ was not quite sure what was keeping them friends. They were both so different in many ways. Reed went to the best private school in the city, while TJ was at his local, shitty public school. Reed came from buckets of money while TJ's family had been living paycheck to paycheck all his life. Reed had grown up mischievous, often employing the quieter Lester and the eager-to-please TJ to do his bidding. Reed could be sexist, obnoxious, a bully at times. TJ was kinder, but insecure, and hid behind a false face of bravado often.

A lot of people thought Reed was a stuck-up asshole. And honestly, TJ could see it, maybe even agreed in some ways. But he also knew a lot about Reed that other people didn't. How Reed let him sleep in his guest house when TJ's parents were in screaming matches each night over losing the house. How Reed would buy extra food to share when they went out without saying a word or making TJ feel bad about it. How Reed was the only one who TJ thought ever truly _saw_ him. Reed was very perceptive, incredibly smart, though he didn't often show it. TJ knew he caught on to a lot more than he let on in life.

In short, Reed was a mystery in many ways, even to TJ. Maybe that is why TJ was so enthralled with him. He wanted to... figure him out, even after years of friendship.

TJ chewed his lip nervously and tapped out a quick reply.

wtfdoesTJstandfor: yea my dad is hella slow and we had to stop to fix up the truck a bit. its a shitty rental. i honestly might not have time to call later tonight tho

Three dots bubbled up as Reed was typing his reply. TJ felt nervous, though he couldn't quite pinpoint why. Maybe he was just afraid of disappointing Reed already, after only being gone less than 4 hours. Maybe he was just nervous around Reed, period.

reedabookortwoidiot: mmkay. whatever

TJ bit his lip harder and set down his phone gently. This is not how he saw his Junior year going. Halfway through, ripped away from his friends and thrust into some shithole town. He was already pissing off Reed, not that it wasn't easy to piss Reed off. Reed typically got pissy when things didn't go his way.

Whatever. All TJ knew was that this was not a good start to the new year.

"Who you texting?"

TJ started a bit and looked at his dad. Greg Kippen was glancing from the road to look at his son, a blank look on his face.

TJ shrugged noncommittally. "Just Reed."

Greg nodded, a bit awkwardly. "How is he doing? Still pissing off his parents I'm assuming?" TJ cringed. Greg was only kind of joking. Reed had been getting in more and more trouble recently, and Greg was often privy to the stories from Reed's dad, Peter.

"He doesn't even do that much, his parents just overreact..." TJ mumbled.

Greg scoffed. "Doesn't do that much? How do you explain the gun incident TJ? He must still be doing community service after he pulled that shit on you and Lester, and it's been months. Look, I love the kid like a son, but he has got to get his act together."

Now TJ was annoyed, feeling protective and attacked by his dad’s last comments. The gun incident... that had been a whole other thing. Most of the shit that Reed pulled was just like, setting off fireworks in the fields behind his house, finding ways to have drag races on highways, smoking pot in the school bathrooms. The gun incident was a hell of a lot more serious. But his dad knew nothing about the truth of that incident - honestly, only TJ did. "Dad, come on... He's my best friend."

Greg backed off, noticing the warning tone in his son's voice. "Fine, I know. Just... part of me is excited for you to meet some new people in Shadyside. Maybe they will be a better influence."

TJ decided not to respond, hunching his shoulders, irritated at what his dad was insinuating, irritated because he already knew he wasn't going to be making any new friends, irritated at _everything_.

He flipped on the car radio. Queen's "Radio Ga Ga" came blasting out. TJ smiled slightly. He was a huge fan of Freddie Mercury. He and his mom would listen to Queen's old records all the time when he was young.

Greg grimaced and flipped the station to a country channel. "Not that, too girly. Not in the mood." TJ stiffened. He couldn't tell if his dad was making up a stupid excuse because Queen reminded him of Rachel, TJ's mom, or if he really thought Queen was too girly.

Without thinking, and probably spurred on by his mounting frustration at this whole situation, TJ muttered, "What does that even mean Dad?"

Greg grunted and mumbled, "Nothing, son. Just not in the mood."

TJ sighed, returning to looking out the window. He saw a road sign, signaling Shadyside was about 63 miles away. _Great_ , TJ thought to himself. _One more hour until my own personal hell._ He plugged in his frayed white earbuds and opened his Spotify, scrolling until he found the playlist he was looking for.

TJ closed his eyes and frowned, drowning himself as the notes to "Rollercoaster" by Bleachers started playing. He turned the sound up, focusing on the song. His thoughts drifted to Reed. The boy's slightly squirrely features, messy hair, the effortless ease of his stance, the way his hands would excitedly grab TJ's shoulders whenever they were goofing off together. _He has such a nice face..._

TJ shied away from the thought and paused the music. Bristling, he shifted the song. Panic! at the Disco flooded his ears. He settled in, willing his thoughts to wander elsewhere. Anywhere but there.

They pulled into the driveway of TJ's grandparents’ home around 7:15. Greg shut off the truck and stretched back in his chair as TJ slowly removed his headphones and looked around. The neighborhood they were going to be living in seemed a lot like the one he grew up in Westville back home. A bit rundown but clean and safe looking. 

His grandparents’ house, which he had been to a couple of times in the past, but not really recently, was one of the smaller houses on the block and seemed to be one of the least well-kept. The chipped paint outside was a dirty green color and the shrubbery overgrown and unkempt in the front of the house. 

TJ didn’t really care though. He knew his dad didn’t come from money. He was just thankful to have the place to live. He didn’t want to stress his dad out more than necessary, but before Greg had bitten his pride and accepted the offer to move in with Ron and Linda, TJ had noticed the bright red eviction notices in the stacks of mail tucked away in the dining room, and honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. 

“We’re here, Thelly,” his dad said, using his long-standing nickname for his son. 

“Are we unpacking _now_?” TJ seriously hoped not.

“No, we can do that tomorrow. Rental goes through Sunday.” Thank God. 

Just then, TJ spotted his grandparents coming out of the front door. The hinges squeaked loudly. Ron came out first, a tall, towering, balding man. Lind came next, a short, slight woman with a dress pooling around her ankles and a jacket wrapped around her shoulders. 

“Greg! You made it safe, son?” Ron called out, shuffling through the mild layer of snow on the ground to the rental truck. 

“Yep, the drive was smooth. Well, was once I fixed this baby up. She was in rough shape when I picked her up from the renters this morning.” Greg smiled tightly.

“And TJ! Come out here and give me a kiss, darling!” Linda called out. TJ rolled his eyes goodnaturedly and hopped out of the van, tightening his sweatshirt around him as he felt the winter chill. He hugged his grandmother and shook his grandfather’s proffered hand. 

“It is so nice to have you back, kiddo.” Ron said, smiling. 

“Nice to see you Papa, and Nana.” TJ smiled at them, but inside he was exhausted and anxious. 

“Well, let’s get you two out of the cold! We have dinner on the table and can get you all settled after.” Linda tutted, ushering TJ inside, Greg hopping out the vehicle and trailing in behind. 

The hallway just Inside the house was tight and cluttered. It was decorated with a lot of family pictures and crocheted animals, as well as crosses and a couple of pictures of Jesus. TJ felt a sharp buzz in his gut at the quote from the Lord’s Prayer on one of the crocheted plates on the wall. “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,” seemed to glare at him. 

He shook it off. 

TJ and his dad were tired from the long day of moving and struggled to keep up with Linda’s animated questioning as they dug into the spaghetti and peas Linda served them. 

“Are you excited to start school?” Linda asked, smiling. "Grant High School started back up this week, and since you're going to be starting there on Monday, the anticipation must be building!"

TJ shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I miss my friends back home though.”

“Well, that is completely understandable. But I am sure you are going to make some great friends here, too.” Linda spoke reassuringly. 

“Yeah, hope so,” TJ answered quietly, thinking back to Reed's texts. 

Linda seemed lost in thought for a second. “I think Grant is a nice school. The new principal is a progressive, unfortunately, but I am sure the kids will be wonderful as you get to know them.”

“What do you mean about the new principal?” TJ asked hesitantly. He wasn’t sure what she was getting at. 

Linda pinched her face together and shook her shoulders a bit. “You know, one of those yuppies who is trying to move us “forward” but is really just messing with the system. He’s implemented a lot of new policies there; stopped teaching…” she looked a bit awkwardly around the table. “...ahem, stopped teaching abstinence in the school curriculum, and started this Homosexual student club, god knows why…” 

TJ’s stomach dropped. He gulped and looked at his lap, fighting down a well of emotions turning in his stomach. _God, just don’t think about it. If you don’t think about it, it isn’t there._ He forced himself to nod blankly at his Grandma, pushing the peas around on his plate. His grandfather and father said nothing. TJ couldn’t even sense what they were thinking. 

He was so distracted by what she had just said that he missed her next question. 

“TJ?”

His eyes snapped up. “Oh, yeah?”

She smiled as if she hadn’t completely consumed his mood with one comment. “I was just asking if you were planning on trying out for basketball here?”

TJ grimaced. Basketball was a sore spot. He loved it more than anything else, but he had to give up his chance to play on the more expensive travel team this past summer to work a summer job at the local cafe and help pay the bills. That, and this Fall, his math grades had dropped so significantly that he had been punished by not being able to attend their open gyms. “Um, I don’t know Grandma. I am pretty out of shape with it.” 

“Nonsense! You are an amazing player, TJ. You just have to get back on that court.” 

“I mean, I don’t know if I’ll have time, I am looking for an after school job, too.” TJ glanced at his dad, who was looking at his lap in discomfort. Greg had never asked TJ to start working, it was just kind of a necessity. 

“Oh, about that!” His grandpa chimed in for the first time all conversation. “My buddy Dave’s son owns a children’s gym here, and he is looking for someone to work weekends. I told him you were moving here and that you were an excellent athlete, and he is interested in hiring you.”

TJ was a bit surprised, to be honest, that his grandpa had advocated for him like that, but was happy nonetheless. He loved kids, actually, and that job sounded kind of right up his alley. 

“I’m not sure that’ll be enough hours, though…” TJ reasoned. This time, though, TJ's dad jumped in. 

“No, TJ, you shouldn’t have to worry about that. I will be at the shop getting plenty of hours all week. You don’t need to work weekdays.”

TJ smiled a little at his dad, then looked at his grandpa. “Well, okay then. Let him know I can come in this week to talk about it.”

Ron smiled and nodded, returning to his food. 

The conversation kept turning, with TJ mulling over the last couple of minutes for some time. Part of him was happy about the job offer, another part devastated by his Grandma’s language on the “progressive” new principal. But TJ didn’t really want to deal with any of it at that point.

He tuned in just as Ron began collecting plates and bringing them to the kitchen. 

“Oh, TJ, you’ll be in school with your cousin, too! That should be nice.” Linda smiled, puttering around, gathering up stray plates and cups with Ron. 

TJ had honestly forgotten about Amber. “Huh, yeah. That’ll be… nice.” Maybe he didn’t really mean _nice_. His most vivid memories of Amber included her being a terrifying older being and always messing with him when they were younger, even though she was only a year older than him. _Maybe things will be more chill_ _now that we’re in high school,_ he thought to himself. 

“Well, how about you get up to your room, okay kiddo? You can settle in with the basics tonight and we can move you in tomorrow. Sound alright?” Ron stood up and TJ nodded, following his grandfather up the tiny, rickety stairs to a small storage room with a mattress laid in the corner and a dusty old desk and bookcase lining the opposite wall. “It’s not much, but it’ll do,” Ron said, looking TJ in the eye. 

“Definitely, thank you so much, Papa.”

Ron clapped his shoulder and shuffled down the stairs, leaving TJ alone with his thoughts. He gently laid down his backpack on the desk and sat down on the mattress. A chill ran down his spine. He stood and unpacked the small array of necessities he had packed in his backpack; a change of clothes, pajamas, toiletries, his journal, his phone and headphones and charger. Lastly, he found the photo frame he had tucked away before his father could throw it out - he looked deeply at the photo. It was his mother and father laying together, laughing together, on a friend’s couch, back when they were in a band together in high school. They both looked so young. So happy. _Crazy to think how much can change…_ TJ shuddered and stuffed the photo away. He needed some air. Maybe a walk would help clear his thoughts. 

He ran down the stairs and almost crashed into his dad bringing in a couple of boxes from the van. “Whoa, slow your roll, Thelly,” Greg chuckled. 

“Um, do you need help with anything, or can I go for a walk?” TJ asked. He just really needed some space and time to process… everything. 

Greg peeked at his watch over the larger box in his arms. “Yeah, sure, just don’t stay out too long, we have a big day of unpacking tomorrow.”

TJ nodded and grabbed his jacket, practically sprinting down the hall toward the door. As the door was closing, he heard his dad call out, “Hey, you might enjoy the park around the corner - I used to shoot hoops there as a kid! Look for the swings, the park starts right behind them!”


	2. Chapter 2

The air was colder than TJ anticipated, and he pulled his old, fraying winter jacket tighter around his shoulders, wishing that he had donned his hat before heading out. His dad had shouted something about swings and a basketball court nearby as he was leaving, and since TJ had nothing else to do but get out of his head, he was trying to find them. He followed the road, out of his grandparent’s small neighborhood, nearer some larger houses and yards. He peered around for what looked like a basketball court, but couldn’t see anything. It began to snow lightly. 

TJ felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He snagged it and held it close, trying to protect the cracked screen from the dropping snowflakes. _Reed, again._ TJ couldn’t muster the energy to open it. He didn’t want to get in a fight with the other boy today. 

TJ tended to be deflective when it came to conflict. His mantra, come hell or high water, was to simply ignore the bad shit until it goes away. Plus, Reed had a short memory. He would have forgotten why he was pissed off by tomorrow and would send TJ a cringey meme in the morning, like clockwork. 

Suddenly, something caught TJ’s eye. A swingset stood tucked away to the side of the road he was approaching. He bounded towards it, peeking around to see if he could catch the court, see what it was like. As he neared to premises, he realized that there was someone on the swings. 

_What the hell is someone doing swinging in the middle of winter?_

* * *

Cyrus Goodman was having a hellish day. A hellish week, to be perfectly honest. Two of his best friends, Jonah and Andi, had just broken up over holiday break, after dating for literally three years. 

To be perfectly honest, Cyrus didn’t know why they hadn’t broken up 6 months ago. Their relationship had been declining for a while now, much to the annoyance of himself and his other friends: Buffy, her boyfriend Marty, and Amber. The whole friend group had to go through endless passive-aggressive arguments, miscommunications, and hour-long rants on weekend movie nights at Marty’s. Cyrus had been over it for a while. 

But… still. This was a huge shift in the group dynamic. Suddenly, everything was up in the air. _Do they expect us to take sides? Is this going to rip us apart?_ Cyrus hated conflict. So much so that he would avoid the lunch line until nearly everyone had already gone, meaning no chocolate chocolate chip muffins for him. 

Things had been tense all week with the group. None of them really knew how the breakup went down, or who started it, but they knew that Jonah had ended it. Since coming back to classes this week, he was sitting with his ultimate frisbee friends at lunch for a while to blow off some steam. Cyrus missed his sweet face at their lunch table, his oblivious wide eyes, his sparkling laugh. Okay, so the crush he had on the boy was _mostly_ gone. Almost gone. Cyrus was working on that, because that boy was as straight as they come. 

Anyway, things had come to a head today. During lunch, Jonah had approached the table, looking hesitantly at them all, as if asking permission to return. Cyrus, Marty, and Buffy all slowly turned their heads to Andi, who looked nervous, but soon steeled herself over. She shook her head, stood up, and stalked off. Jonah let out a huge breath and plopped down, resting his face in his hands. “Fuck…” he groaned. “I don’t know what to do. I just want things to go back to normal.”

Marty winced and patted Jonah’s shoulder. “Dude, don’t worry. We’ve just got to get past this.” He looked around at Buffy and Cyrus. “We’ve got your back, man.” 

Buffy nodded, albeit a bit morosely. She was best friends with Andi after all, and though she knew that the break up was neither one’s fault, she was worried about her best friend. “I am gonna go check on her, though. Knowing her, she is probably angry-drawing in the art room again.” She punched Jonah in the shoulder and ran out of the room. 

Cyrus was nervous. He HATED when he and his friends fought. The whole rest of the day, he was on edge, stuck therapizing either Jonah or Andi. The problem was that Cyrus was everyone’s confidante. Call it a side effect of being the son of four mental health professionals, but he was a really great listener and people often came to him to talk about their problems. This became an issue when all day, he had Jonah on one shoulder and Andi on the other, and he couldn’t do anything to fix it. _Will this be my new reality?_ He dreaded that being the case. 

It became too much as he was walking home from the school after sitting in the gym with Buffy while she practiced for the upcoming basketball tryouts. He was sitting there under the guise of doing homework, but in reality, he was just avoiding Jonah and Andi. But, as he left the school and headed toward home, he found Andi sitting in her car, pulled up right next to the bike rack. 

“Cy! I need you,” she pouted. Just as he opened his mouth to respond, his phone began vibrating in his pocket. He glanced at it: Jonah was facetiming him. His heart felt so tired from the emotional back and forth all day. His thumb hovered over the “ACCEPT” button.

He was pulled out of his reverie by Andi, again. “Cy, come one. You’re my best friend and I really need you. Jesus, just because you have a huge crush on Jonah doesn’t mean that you get to ignore me for him and take his side,” Andi bit out petulantly, referring to his phone screen glaring up between them. 

Cyrus was taken aback. He and Andi rarely fought, and when they did it was over really, really small stuff. What she just said… that hurt. He would never choose one of his friends over the other, they all meant too much to him. On top of that, bringing up his crush on Jonah was a low blow. She knew that he was still slowly coming to terms with his sexuality and it was hurtful that she would use that to try to get under his skin. 

Just then, Cyrus realized something that dropped his heart into his stomach. In his moment of distraction listening to Andi, his finger had slipped and he had accepted the Facetime with Jonah. His eyes locked with Jonah’s on the screen, who looked taken aback. Andi’s eyes flicked down as well, and her eyes widened like saucers as she realized the same thing that Cyrus just had - 

Jonah just heard Andi say that Cryus had a crush on him. 

Now, Jonah, and everyone in their friend group, knew that Cyrus was gay. Cyrus remembers so vividly the moment he came out to the other boy, at his grandmother's shiva back in middle school. Jonah had been so kind with him, so chill about it, and to be completely honest, it just became a normal thing within the group pretty much immediately. Cyrus was so grateful for that. But this… Cyrus had no idea how to deal with this. Especially because he honestly was (mostly) over the crush. He was terrified of how Jonah would react. Would Jonah overthink their entire friendship? Would he be weirded out with Cyrus now? Did this mean an end to friendly sleepovers with him and Marty? Would this change everything? 

Jonah’s wide mouth snapped close, then opened again. “Cy-Guy…” Jonah started. Cyrus jumped and immediately tapped frantically at the screen. His phone blooped as the call ended. 

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK, I am so sorry Cyrus,” Andi sputtered, opening the car door to get out with him. “I had no idea he was already on the call, I didn’t mean to - I just - I am so sorry.”

Cyrus was backing up from her, breathing shallowly and tears collecting in his eyes. “No, Andi… I gotta go.” With that, ignoring Andi’s cries to come back, he ran. Ran to a familiar place from his childhood, a place he would go to process his feelings when his parents were going through their divorce, a place he would go to process his own burgeoning feelings for Jonah, a place where he could go to deal with all his stupid _stuff_ , alone. 

* * *

TJ didn’t know why, but he found himself approaching the curious figure perched on one of the swings. As he got closer, he realized that it was a teenager, a boy probably about his age, bundled in a giant parka, feet brushing the snowy ground forlornly. His face was blank and red. He was shaking. TJ wondered how long he had been sitting out there. 

TJ walked closer. 

He honestly didn’t know why he was walking up to this random person. He couldn’t explain it. All he knew was that he felt drawn to this figure. As he drew closer, he heard “Wild Heart” by Bleachers playing from a tinny speaker. He cleared his throat as he got within ten feet and called out, “I prefer “You’re Still a Mystery” - it’s a better hit.”

The other boy jumped so high in the air that TJ had to stifle a laugh. “Jesus FUCK, where the hell did you come from?!” the slighter boy wheezed out, stumbling as he attempted to gain his balance. Just as he was about to slip and fall on his ass, TJ lunged forward, steadying the slighter boy in his arms. Suddenly, they were _very_ close. TJ looked down at the mystery boy, at his deep brown, doe eyes, pink cheeks, red lips… and jumped away, cheeks burning. 

He scratched the back of his neck nervously. He didn’t know why he approached the boy, especially because he didn’t even want to deal with trying to make any new friends here. “Whatever, I just heard the music.” He mumbled, moving to leave. 

“Wait!”

TJ turned, looking back to those deep brown eyes. They seemed to bore down deep into his soul. TJ didn’t really like that. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry, I just, I startle easily and I had literally the worst day of my life today and I wasn’t expecting to be accosted by a random stranger while I was in the pit of my pity party here,” he rambled out in one breath. TJ couldn’t help but quirk a smile. The boy continued, “You like Bleachers?”  
TJ nodded, still not sure what he was still doing there but allowing himself to enjoy it nonetheless. “Yeah, they’re great. I snuck into one of their concerts last Fall. They’re phenomenal live.” The words poured out unconsciously and the memory bit at him, tormenting him with visions of his friends back home. He shook it off. 

“I’m Cyrus,” the boy offered. He had a slightly sad, dopey smile gracing his face. 

TJ bit his lip. “TJ,” he responded. 

Cyrus looked him over, as if in realization. “Whoa, are you related to Amber Kippen?” TJ jerked, looking directly at Cyrus. 

“How in god’s name would you know that?” he asked, bewildered. 

Cyrus shook his head quickly. “Oh my god, that sounded so creepy, please stop imagining horrible things. Amber is one of my best friends, and she had mentioned last week that her cousin TJ was moving into town this month, and because I had never seen you before and Shadyside is so small, I just, I don’t know, made a leap.” Cyrus stammered nervously, obviously embarrassed. 

TJ nodded in realization. “Oh, well, yeah, she’s my cousin.”

“So you’re the new kid, then?” Cyrus asked excitedly.

TJ’s eyes became colder. “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

Cyrus sensed something was off. “Didn’t want to move, huh?”

TJ wasn’t sure he liked how nosy this kid was. “What does it matter? Can’t change anything now.” He kicked at the snow with his worn boots, hand-me-downs from his dad. 

Cyrus looked at him, unfazed. “That doesn’t make it any easier,” he whispered. 

“Whatever,” TJ muttered, feeling himself shutting down. “It was for the best.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Cyrus probed. 

TJ most certainly did NOT. If he opened the floodgates, he was not sure if he could stop. So, instead of answering, he deflected. “Wanna talk about why you are sitting here on the swing in the dead of winter? You look pretty close to frostbite, man.”

Cryus froze, almost as though he had forgotten why he was there. “Shit, what time is it?”

TJ looked at his phone screen. “8:45 PM. You gonna answer my question?” 

“You didn’t answer mine,” Cyrus muttered, frantically grabbing his phone and shooting out a quick text. TJ didn’t see who to, but he seemed extremely on edge. 

“It’s just… stuff I don’t feel like dealing with right now.” TJ couldn’t believe how honest he was being with this random kid. He had already said more about his feelings than he did to anyone, besides maybe Reed. 

“I got stuff, too,” Cyrus whispered, kicking to his feet, still typing at his phone and biting his lip. “My parents are gonna kill me…” Cyrus groaned, grabbing a discarded and snowy backpack from the side of the swings. 

TJ didn’t know exactly what to do anymore. “Okay, are you sure you’re good to get home? You look freezing.” 

Cyrus shook off his words. “I’m fine. But, before I go,” he punched one more thing in on his phone and then handed it to TJ, “Put in your number. Amber already asked me to show you around classes this Monday, since you’re gonna be a Junior here too and we probably have some classes together. Small school.” Cyrus gestured again to the phone. 

TJ reacted as if on autopilot, perplexedly inputting his digits into the proffered contact screen. He decided to be clever and put “Scary Swingset Guy” in the description of the contact. He handed the phone back to Cyrus, who took it with a shy smile and began moving to leave, in the opposite direction of TJ’s house. 

“And TJ?” Cyrus turned around and called out to TJ. “We all got stuff - I’m here to talk if you need.”

And with that, the strange, bumbling, nerdy, sweet boy bounded off into the dusk, the setting sun burning the horizon ahead of him. 

TJ stood still for a moment. He wasn’t sure what the fuck just happened, but for some reason, it wasn’t unwelcome. 

After a few minutes, he began to collect his thoughts and realized how cold it was. He turned on his heel and followed the path back to his grandparents’ house. 

On the way, his phone started ringing in his pocket. He glanced at the caller ID, and saw Reed’s name. Wincing, he hesitantly pressed, ACCEPT. 

“Dude…” Reed bit out as soon as he answered. “Already too good for us now that you’re down in Loserville?” He snickered as if he was being funny. TJ said nothing. Reed cleared his throat, and spoke again, this time in a deeper tone. “Dude, chill. I just… wish we could have called today to check in. You’re not the only one losing a best friend.”

This made TJ feel a bit better. Reed wasn’t often known for his kind words, so when they came out, TJ felt a strong rush of validation. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. It’s just been a crazy day.”

“Whatever, it’s fine. Are you getting settled in okay?”

TJ looked around. He was approaching his grandparents’ house, closing in on the drive. “It’s been pretty fine. Dad is pretty stressed, we’re moving our shit in tomorrow. Classes start in a week or so. Oh, and I might have a job lined up already.”

“Nice dude. When are you meeting up with that hot cousin of yours?” Reed snickered. 

TJ rolled his eyes. “Dude, shut up.” Reed laughed harder. TJ didn’t think it was funny, the way that Reed was always talking about girls like objects. 

“I swear, I got dibs on her.” Reed said. 

“No, you definitely do not.” 

“Whatever man. Well, I gotta go pick up Lester, we’re sneaking into the old high school tonight. Wish you could be there, but we’ll tag enough walls for the three of us.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Just, don’t forget about me okay?” TJ half-joked, half-meant it. 

“Could never forget about you, Thaddeus Jasper.”

“Not my name, dude.”

“Fuck, I’ll get it one of these days.... Thumper... Jukebox?”

TJ scoffed and hung up on his friend. His heart was racing a bit, the way it always did when he talked to Reed. He also felt his heart sink a bit. He did not know how to sort through everything coursing through him right now. Part of him just wanted to sleep, but he knew he’d be up staring at the wall for the better part of the night. Sleep had not been coming easily to him the past couple of months. 

As he neared the door, his phone buzzed one more time. He looked down, and saw a number he didn’t recognize. He swiped the message open. 

“Hey not-so-scary swingset guy, this is stalker-swingset-guy. Lmk if you have any questions about classes this week, or if you want to talk about any of your stuff. We can meet outside the school on Monday morning for a tour !! Also: Wild Heart is way better. You’re out of your mind to try to argue w me.”

TJ smirked and opened the door, tucking his phone back in his pocket. Somehow, this strange Cyrus kid had made his way into his life. Interesting.

He headed to his bed, changed out of his snowy clothes, and jumped under his grandmother’s quilt she had left him for bed. He scrolled through Instapic, looking back at memories of his old school, old basketball teammates. His heart clenched. He clicked on Reed’s profile and scrolled through the pictures, a common pastime of his when he was feeling anxious. His fingers brushed his check as his other hand hovered over the screen, zoning in on a nice picture of him and Reed last summer, at the lake. Reed’s eyes crackled with life even through the screen. 

TJ started and tore himself away from his friend’s page. He really needed to get himself in check. To distract himself, his fingers tapped a new name into the search bar. _Cyrus_ … There were a few different Cryuses that popped up, but only one had Amber as a mutual friend. _Cyrus Goodman_. TJ poured over the other boy’s Instapic profile, which was filled with beaming photos of him and a group of repeating characters. Some included Amber, which TJ thought was curious. He would not have thought his brash cousin would be close with the gentle boy he’d met tonight. 

TJ smiled at one of the pictures of Cyrus. The slighter boy was beaming at the camera with a wide, toothy grin, laughter in his eyes, arms opening to the camera. TJ felt warm all over. 

He closed his phone and shut his eyes. And if his mind drifted, for the first time in a while, not to Reed’s mischievous eyes, but to this new kid’s warm, open ones, well, that was for him to know and for him only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to start introducing Marty, Amber, Buffy, and Jonah more! <3 I hope you all enjoyed our two boys meeting one another! Expect next chapter soon, it is halfway done already! Please leave comments, I would love some feedback :))


	3. Chapter 3

Cyrus lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. 

_What the hell just happened?_

When he got home, he’d (surprisingly) been able to talk his way out of being grounded with his parents. Though they were pretty strict normally and suitably pissed at his disappearing act, they must have sensed something was up and decided to go easy on him. Cyrus did feel himself reeling more and more as each moment passed. He’d climbed the stairs to his room like a zombie, stripped out of his wet, cold clothes, and bundled under the covers, trying to calm his whirling mind.

Factually, he could go over the day’s events. One, Andi outed his crush on Jonah to the boy in question, meaning Cyrus could never face him, like, ever again (he had about six missed calls from Andi and two from Jonah that he had been avoiding like the plague since leaving the park). Two, he’d (like an idiot) run off to the park he liked to wallow in as a kid to swing on the old swingset there. Three, he’d (like an even bigger idiot) sat out there for hours freezing his butt off and listening to his “Woe is Me” playlist on repeat. And, arguable most bizarrely, he had met Amber’s mysterious cousin and convinced said boy (who was quite cute, a part of Cyrus’ brain shouted) to give him his number, after having met him like two seconds ago, and then proceeded to TEXT SAID CUTE BOY a cringey text, to which he was left on read. 

Jesus fuck.

Cryus tossed and turned, trying to forget his conversation with TJ earlier. The kid had been a bit guarded, but there was something about him... Cyrus was fascinated with him, from a purely friendly, caring perspective. And it had absolutely nothing to do with his stunning green eyes, perfectly messy hair, strong jawline and athletic build. Nope, that had nothing to do with it. 

Cyrus groaned. He opened up his text to the mysterious boy again, staring numbly at the “read” receipt. What was he thinking with that text? It was borderline…. Flirty, something Cyrus didn’t even think he was capable of. What had gotten into him? 

Cyrus blamed the cold for seeping into his brain and making him act on cute boy instinct, rather than logic. 

He looked at the clock. _1:27 AM._

He was never going to sleep tonight.

* * *

TJ woke up early to the sound of his father humming to himself in the squeaky shower next door to his new bedroom. He rubbed his eyes blearily and pawed at his sheets for his phone. _7:23 AM._ TJ groaned a bit, savoring the warmth of his grandmother’s quilt for a little longer, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

It felt strange waking up in this new, unfamiliar room. TJ wondered if he’d get used to it anytime soon. 

The day ahead of him was long. It was Saturday, and he and his dad would have to move in all their stuff that morning so that his dad could bring the rental van back to Westville tonight and pick up their car and handle some last minute errands there. As much as TJ was excited to get settled in, he was not looking forward to all the heavy lifting again.

He heard the water stop next door, and a few minutes later his dad knocked at the door. TJ grumbled and got up to open it. 

“Morning kiddo. Let’s get started moving things in by 8, okay? I have got to get back to Westville by dinnertime.” Greg clapped TJ on the shoulder as TJ nodded drowsily. 

TJ closed the door, got dressed in an old flannel shirt and jeans, and messed with his hair a bit using his phone camera. He thought about what he might do later that day while his dad was gone. His mind wandered to a pair of deep brown eyes and a kind smile. His fingers skimmed to click on his messages app. 

He hesitated. It was really freaking early to be texting this boy. He might think it was weird…

...then again, literally everything about last night had been kind of weird, so fuck it. TJ tapped out a quick text before he could overthink it, pocketed his phone, and hopped in the bathroom.

* * *

Cyrus woke up later than usual that morning at 10:55 AM. For a brief, blissful moment, he forgot about what was happening in his life and just drifted in and out of consciousness for a bit. Then, his mind snagged on a pair of green eyes. Yesterday flooded his body like ice. Jonah. Andi. Meeting TJ Kippen. Cyrus bolted upright in bed and groaned, rubbing his hands on his face. He didn’t want to have to deal with everything today, but he knew he would have to. 

He grabbed his phone from its charging port and conveniently skipped over the texts from Andi and Jonah for the time being. Instead, he honed in instantly on a different text altogether. 

TJ had responded. 

Cyrus bit his lip as he tapped to read the full message. 

_TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : hey, i might take you up on that offer to introduce me to shadyside. Im free this afternoon. Care to give the new kid a tour?

Cyrus felt the grin on his face growing each second he read the message. His cheeks started burning. Okay. This was good. TJ didn’t think he was a stalker. On the contrary actually, he invited Cyrus to hang out today!

Cyrus tapped out a reply quickly, inviting TJ to meet him at the Spoon later. He felt a bit better now. He set down his phone and made his way out of his room, adjusting his dinosaur pajama bottoms and white tee and yawning as he made his way down the steps to grab some breakfast. As he walked toward the kitchen, he smelled banana pancakes, his step-mom’s specialty. He couldn’t wait to eat his feelings in delicious pancakes, and jogged around the corner into their dining room. 

He was so not prepared to see Andi and Jonah seated at his kitchen island, chatting with his step-mom and stuffing their faces. 

All three of the figures in the kitchen whipped their heads to look at Cyrus as he crashed to a halt, hair wild and flying in front of his eyes. Andi looked like she was in pain and Jonah… well, it was hard to tell sometimes what Jonah was thinking. 

His step-mom smiled sadly at them all. “I’m gonna go grab the mail, be back in a bit, kids.” She left the room. Cyrus cursed under his breath. There was no turning back now. 

None of them spoke for a moment. Then.

“Cyrus, I think you’d be like, the best boyfriend ever.” Jonah blurted out. 

Andi gaped at him. Cyrus imagined that this outburst was NOT agreed upon before the two had come over. 

Cyrus’ mouth was hanging open like a fish. Jonah backtracked, waving his hands in front of him frantically. “Oh god, no like. That came out… not right. What I mean is, I don’t care if you have a crush on me, dude. Like, you’re my best friend and I love you and if anything I am, kinda flattered because come on, you’re _CY GUY_ , you’re like the nicest person I know. It’s just…” Jonah stalled a bit, biting his lip. “I just don’t feel that way about you. I’m really sorry.”

Jonah’s big, beautiful, sad eyes stared up at Cyrus, like a puppy who’d just ripped up the rug and didn’t know how to put it back together. 

Cyrus’ head was whirring. 

Okay. Number one, Jonah didn’t hate him. That was good. Like, really good. Cyrus breathed a bit deeper. 

Number two, and to be expected, Jonah didn’t like him back. Cyrus could live with that. The crush had been fading for some time anyway. News like this in middle school would have ripped his heart out, but hearing Jonah acknowledge it all now felt honestly like breathing out for the first time in a while. 

Cyrus cracked a small smile. And started giggling. This whole morning, hell, this whole week had just been so fucking weird and it was finally coming out of him in some strange giggle fit catharsis. 

Jonah and Andi eyed one another, unsure if Cyrus’ reaction was a positive one or not. “Cy…” Andi said. “You okay? I am so sorry this happened. I just want everything to be okay.”

Cyrus wiped his eyes, catching his breath and stalling his laughter for a bit. “No, you guys, it is actually so fine. I was so scared before, but…” he looked at Jonah, regaining his seriousness a bit, “...thank you Jonah. It means a lot.” They shared a nice moment, Cyrus drinking in Jonah’s sweet gaze. He breathed out even more. 

“And to be totally honest, Jonah, that crush was back in middle school. I haven’t _really_ thought about you like that in a long time. Especially since you and Andi…” he gestured messily toward them both for a second before coming to a realization. “Oh shit! You two are talking again!”

Jonah and Andi smiled softly at one another. Andi said, “Yeah, we talked last night when we were so worried about you we thought you were DEAD! Where were you last night? We left like a zillion messages for you!”

“Okay, Andi, cool your roll, you left like eight.” Cyrus smiled. 

“Still!” Andi crossed her arms, mock glaring at him. 

Cyrus put his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, really, I just needed some alone time to blow off some steam.”

Andi softened. She walked over and hesitantly touched his shoulder. “I understand Cy. I am so, so sorry. Literally nothing I did yesterday was alright and you have every right to be super pissed. I just hope you can forgive me.” 

Cyrus looked between Andi and Jonah, and smiled. “Yeah, of course I forgive you Andi. I love you.”

She beamed and wrapped her arms around him gleefully. 

“Yeah, Cy Guy!” Jonah fist pumped and ran up for a group hug, sandwiching Cyrus between them.

“Hey, you just got me back, don’t crush me to death now,” Cyrus choked out, laughing. Jonah and Andi joined him laughing, loosening their grip and looking round at one another. 

“But seriously, where were you yesterday?” Andi asked, cocking her head curiously. 

Cyrus flushed. Now that the whole Jonah situation was taken care of, he was hit with the full brunt of what happened last night. “Ahem, nowhere,” he tried to sound innocent.

Andi and Jonah looked at one another suspiciously. “Dude, what are you hiding?” Jonah asked, poking playfully at Cyrus. 

Cyrus sighed. “Guys…” he whined. “I haven’t even had breakfast yet. The last week has been intensely emotionally turbulent. Can I not enjoy my step-mom’s pancakes in peace?”

Andi and Jonah shared a look. 

“Fine!” Andi exclaimed, turning on her heel and plopping in front of her plate. “But you’re telling us later,” she said, pointing her fork at the boys before digging back in. 

Jonah clapped Cyrus’ back. “C’mon, let’s eat. These pancakes are _docious magocious_.” He snickered at Cyrus’ eye roll. 

Cyrus bumped their shoulders playfully. “And to think I ever thought you were too cool for me.”

Jonah smiled, a bit more serious. “Never. It is quite the opposite Cy Guy. You are waaaay too cool for me. And we are gonna find you a boy who deserves someone as totally awesome as you!”

The two boys joined Andi at the table. Cyrus served himself some food as they all three made idle chatter. Everything had come back to normal so quickly, and Cyrus was thrilled. Still, part of him was still distracted. The weight of his phone in his pocket caught his wandering mind frequently. He wondered what TJ Kippen was up to. 

* * *

One more box. 

One more box, and they were all moved in. TJ breathed heavily, wiping his mussed hair out of his eyes. His arms and back were burning from bringing everything in from the van. They didn’t have a crazy amount of stuff, but it still took some time and manpower to get it all into his grandparents’ house. 

He walked up to the last box, squatting low and hoisting it up, moving toward the front door. His dad opened the door for him, patting him on the back as he heaved it inside. “Atta boy, Thelly. We did it!” He checked his watch. “And it’s not even noon yet!

TJ took one last step and almost threw the box on the floor, huffing out a breath. “Great. Thank god that’s over.”

Greg rolled his eyes. “Yes, thanks for your help, kiddo.” He sat down on the kitchen table. TJ went to get some water. “Alright. I am gonna start driving over to Westville soon, and I’ll probably stay the night at the house, just to take care of some last minute stuff.”

TJ looked at his dad carefully. “You’ve still got the key?” TJ could have sworn that the landlord had demanded his dad hand it over like a week ago during a phone conversation he’d overheard.

Greg looked uncomfortable. “Ah, it’s not like the place is filled yet, one more night before I turn it in won’t hurt anyone.” He looked eager to switch the topic. “What are you gonna be doing the rest of the day?” 

TJ smiled softly, then blushed, biting his lip. He had no idea why this random boy he’d met last night was making him nervous to hang out, but he couldn’t quiet his thoughts all morning thinking about it. He brushed it off. “Um, I think I’m meeting one of Amber’s friends later and he’s gonna show me around town.”

Greg looked questioningly at TJ. “One of Amber’s friends? Why not Amber?”

Tj shrugged quickly. “The kid is in my grade I guess, and Amber thought he’d be a good tour guide.”

Greg shrugged. “Well alright then. I hope you have fun. You should try to get together with Amber soon, though.”

TJ nodded. “Will do, dad.”

Greg gathered up his wallet and a couple of papers from one of the stacks of boxes in the living room. “Alright, I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. Have a good day, okay?” He patted TJ’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.” TJ watched his dad leave, heard the front door close, and then slumped in his chair, head hanging back. He rubbed his tired eyes. Jesus. His fingers twitched towards his phone. It was almost noon, and Cyrus had asked him to meet at some place called the Fork or something like that around one. Ample time to panic over getting ready.

TJ rubbed at his face. He didn’t get why he was so nervous. Like, Cyrus seemed nice, actually. TJ might have one friend this semester. That would be nice. It’s just… Cyrus brought out some weird feelings in TJ. His stomach flipped thinking about his rose-bitten cheeks last night, his bright red lips, long eyelashes under the glowing street lamps. TJ was fighting down these feelings he still didn’t quite understand, and it was throwing him for a loop. 

“Whatever,” TJ muttered to himself, standing up and running up the stairs to get changed. He had laid down the suitcase containing the elements of his sparse wardrobe on his bed when he’d been bringing stuff in. He grabbed a blue shirt from the top, and immediately tossed it to the side. Too dressy. He picked up an old windbreaker and band tee. He quirked his head at them and groaned.

Why did this have to be so hard? Like, it really didn’t have to be. It’s just, TJ was overthinking things. 

He flopped on his bed, and grabbed his phone, calling Reed instinctively. The line rang a few times before his friend picked up. “Hey Teej, what’s up?”

TJ bit his lip. He didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t about to ask Reed for fashion advice, especially because it was just for lunch with some random guy helping him fit in. He suddenly didn’t know why he’d even called Reed. “Um, nothing, just wanted to check in.” He made up awkwardly, holding the windbreaker in his hands, running the material between his fingers. 

Reed laughed. “Okay, yeah. Um, things are good. I have some community service hours today, but some of the guys I’m stuck cleaning with and I usually smoke on our break together, so it’s not that bad.” Reed joked, but there was a twinge of something else in his voice. There always was when he mentioned anything related to the gun incident. 

TJ nodded knowingly. “Nice. What I wouldn’t give for a joint right now. Maybe Amber can hook me up.” 

Reed laughed. “Yeah, great plan. Have you hung out with her yet?”

TJ shook his head, laying back on his bed. “Nah, not yet.” He paused, then blurted out. “I met this guy.”

Fuck. That sounded weird. TJ didn’t know how to save himself from that one.

“Um, okay?” Reed laughed a bit.

“Like, I just ran into some guy that goes to my new school yesterday. Totally randomly. We talked a bit. We’re actually gonna hang out soon. Like, today. I can’t decide what to wear… like, I don’t know how people dress here, you know?” TJ word vomited, digging himself deeper and deeper into the hole. 

Reed was silent. TJ waited uneasily. Finally, Reed said, “Um, yeah, I don’t know man. Hoodie and jeans are usually a safe bet.” 

TJ fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “Yeah, you’re right.” There was an awkward pause. TJ felt like he’d just been way too transparent with everything, while at the same time not even knowing for sure what this “everything” was. Reed didn’t say anything for a bit. 

TJ was about to say something to change the topic when Reed said, “Wear the jean jacket and one of your white shirts. You’ll look… cool.” 

TJ’s heart sped up in a strange way. His cheeks burned pink. “Oh, yeah, cool. Thanks man.” 

Reed was quiet again. TJ shifted uncomfortably, sitting back up. Then, Reed said, “I hope he’s nice, man. We miss you back here.” 

TJ blinked. “Yeah, hopefully he is. Maybe now I won’t be alone all semester like I expected.” He felt light. Hearing Reed talk to him like this… it made his brain feel fluffy. 

Reed laughed. “Verdict’s not out on that one yet, loser.”

TJ smiled. “Yeah, uh huh, okay.”

Reed spoke, “Well, I gotta go. But call me later, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Talk later Reed.” TJ stood up, rifling for his jean jacket in his bag as Reed hung up the phone. He dropped it to his bed and changed quickly. He looked in the mirror at himself, jean jacket draped over the tight white tee. He thought of Cyrus’s smile, and felt giddy.

* * *

Cyrus fiddled with the collar of his polo, shifting side to side in his seat at the Spoon anxiously. He had just left Andi and Jonah with promises to text them later so they could hang out that night. He knew they both still thought something was up, but they were giving him a bit of space, which he appreciated.

Now he was just waiting on TJ, who was supposed to be there any minute. 

Cyrus was peering at the door so intensely that he didn’t notice Amber walk up. “Um… earth to Cyrus?” she smirked. Cyrus whipped to face her, almost guilty. 

“Amber! I didn’t know you worked today!”

She slid into the booth and waved her manicured hand. “Picked up an extra shift, Steph was apparently too sick with the stomach flu, which is code word for her being hella hungover today, so I took the bullet for a friend. More money for me!” She smiled and gestured to the seat she had taken over. “Waiting on Andi and Buffy?” Her eyes glinted curiously. “I heard Andi and Jonah broke up...” she trailed off, twirling a finger around her blonde locks absentmindedly, something Cyrus saw straight (ha!) through. Amber had come out last year to him and the group as a lesbian, and to the perceptive Cyrus, it was no secret that she was harboring some feelings for a certain artist in the group. 

Before Cyrus teased her about it, he realized that he hadn’t told her that he had met her cousin last night and impulsively asked him to hang out. He opened his mouth to explain that he, in fact, was not waiting for his usual crew but was instead waiting for TJ, when the front door chimed and said boy entered the diner. 

Amber looked over, and her jaw dropped. “Thelonious JAGGER? What are you doing here, I haven’t even seen you yet!?” She jumped up and squeezed the younger boy, whose face turned tomato red as he whispered something to her under his breath. She waved it off, eyes glinting excitedly. 

Cyrus couldn’t stop staring as TJ removed his winter jacket. The other boy was clad in a really… ahem… _nice,_ outfit, and Cyrus was not prepared. He finally locked eyes with the new arrival, and smiled awkwardly. 

Amber noticed them make eye contact, and looked between them, confused. Before she could open her mouth, Cyrus blurted, “Okay, Amber, TJ and I met yesterday at the park and I promise I’m not a stalker, I just remembered you saying I should show him around and so I invited him to the Spoon today!”

Cyrus’ ears flushed pink. Amber continued glancing between the two, as though seeing something the other two couldn’t. TJ shifted uncomfortably for a second. 

Finally, she smiled sweetly. “Cyrus, that’s awesome! I am glad you ran into each other. And you?” she said, looking back at TJ. She decked him in the side of the head. “Why didn’t you text me yet? I wanted to hang as soon as you got in, it has been ages since we got together.”

TJ muttered, “Shit!” as he rubbed his head where Amber hit him. “Jesus Amber, why are you still hitting me, you are literally legally an adult.”

She smirked as they headed towards the booth. “Never too old to deck you, Thelonious.” They sat down. 

Cyrus drank in the sight of the other boy. They made slight eye contact, and TJ smiled, stopping rubbing his head. Tj coughed a bit, and said, “Hey, thanks for letting me hang today.”

Cyrus smiled. “Are you kidding? I’m excited to be your official Shadyside guide!” He winced at the unintentional rhyme. Good lord. 

Amber was eyeing him in that curious way still. Then, she turned her attention to her cousin. “Well, what has been up? Are you all moved in at Nana and Papa’s?” The way she said their names sounded a bit strained, which Cyrus wasn’t sure why. 

TJ, however, didn’t acknowledge it. “Yeah, we’re officially moved in now. Dad went home tonight to do a couple more things in Westville and pick up the car, but then we will be all settled in. 

Amber’s eyes glinted mischievously. “Hm… Uncle Greg is gone tonight, huh?” She placed both hands on the table and looked between the two. “My parents are gone for two more weeks visiting my dad’s mom. Thoughts on a welcome party?” 

The two boys looked at each other. Cyrus was not a huge party person, but was usually okay at smaller gatherings. Plus, he wanted to seem adventurous, maybe impress TJ some. “Sure, that sounds fun.”

She smiled and looked at TJ. “What say you, Thelonious, my dear cousin?”

TJ was looking at Cyrus. Cyrus met his eyes and the other boy looked down. Was that a blush Cyrus saw? TJ shrugged, “Yeah, sure, that sounds fun Amber.”

Amber pumped her fist in the air, then looked at Cyrus. “Think I can get Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty to come?”

Cyrus scoffed. “Those four literally never need a reason to party. Especially after this last week from hell.”

Amber nodded. “Oh yeah, I still need all the details.”

“In due time, Amber.” Cyrus rolled his eyes. 

Suddenly, Amber’s manager called her name, looking none too pleased to see her chatting at the table. He tapped at an imaginatory watch on his wrist, and pointed to another table.

Amber rolled her eyes. “Oh, bite me... “ she mumbled under her breath, standing up. “Okay, I’ll get you both two milkshakes and some baby taters to share - yes, I am ordering for you, deal - Cyrus, I will text everyone and get tonight set up. TJ, have fun with Cyrus.” Her smile twisted conspiratorially. “He is simply the best.” She winked, and bounced off, blonde curls springing with each step.

Cyrus blushed, and looked again at TJ. The other boy was stretching out now that Amber had left, and while he had an innate cool confidence rolling off of him, Cyrus couldn’t help but detect that the other boy seemed almost nervous. 

“So… that’s Amber for you.” Cyrus smiled.

TJ laughed. “Yeah, she has always been like that.”

Cyrus smirked. “Yeah, tell me more… Mr. Jagger.”

TJ groaned. “Ugh, you have got to be kidding me. Only Kippens should know what my name stands for! I can’t believe she just blew it like that.”

Cyrus laughed. “I love it. It’s a great name!”

TJ looked up at him. “You think? My grandparents did not. They were adamant about calling me TJ.”

Cyrus nodded enthusiastically. “It’s like the most original name I have ever heard! Not that I don’t like TJ also.” 

TJ smiled softly. “Thanks…”

There was a small silence. Not an uncomfortable one, but also not without quiet expectation. 

TJ broke it. “Sooo… baby taters? What in the world are those? Like, tater tots?”

Cyrus feigned a scandalized look at the other boy. “Did you just compare the GREATEST food on the planet to its vastly inferior counterpart?” 

TJ chuckled. “I take it you are a fan of these baby taters?”

Cyrus shook his head at the other boy. “Oh TJ, you have so much to learn. And, you have come to the right place. First lesson of Shadyside...:”

* * *

Amber peered over the counter she was wiping down, spying on her cousin and Cyrus. She smiled to herself. Say what you will about Amber, but she is one perceptive person and could often see things going on in the in-between. She started to formulate a plan, and grabbed her phone to text Andi (and if this gave her an excuse to talk to her crush, well, just an added bonus).

This was going to be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amber has entered the chat! And next chapter, a lot more of the whole group's interactions! Please leave feedback to let me know what you think so far. :) Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Cyrus was over the moon. 

He and TJ sat together and talked for a while at the Spoon, sharing their baby taters and milkshakes and occasionally chatting with Amber as she made her rounds. 

Cyrus learned a lot about TJ. At first, the other boy was quieter, a bit hard to read, but as he relaxed into the conversation, he started opening up, acting goofier and more excited about what they were talking about. 

He learned that TJ was really into music and played the piano, and apparently both his parents had been musicians when they were young, which explained the origins of his name. He was also apparently a really good basketball player, which made Cyrus note to connect him with Buffy tonight at the party to talk to him about tryouts this Wednesday. Cyrus shared a lot about himself and Shadyside, too. The conversation was making him feel warm. It was like they’d been friends for a long time, the way they instantly connected with a smooth, teasing back and forth. Speaking of which...

“You can’t do a _somersault_?!” 

Cyrus nodded, casting a sideways glance at the other boy. “TJ Kippen, you do not know what it is like to be a kugel of a man. I mean, have you seen yourself?” 

Oops. That was… probably a little too forward. TJ seemed flustered for a moment before regaining his composure. “But still! I mean, I could teach you sometime, if you want. Once you get it, you’ll realize it’s not that hard!”

Cyrus rolled his eyes. “Maybe not that hard for you, but I’m telling you, there is a whole list of easy things that I just can’t do. No, literally. I have a list I made in middle school. I could show it to you sometime.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, I think. You could do anything if you set your mind to it.” TJ said softly. 

Now it was Cyrus’ turn to feel a little flustered. Just then, Amber slid into the booth, smiling wickedly. 

“Fifteen more minutes and this shift is over. Thank the good lord. Anyway, my coworker Jenna is buying for us tonight, so text me what you want by like 5, okay?”

“Anything but that peach vodka from last time. I will literally pass out if I even catch a whiff of that,” Cyrus groaned. TJ looked curiously at him, feeling there was a story there, and Cyrus shook his head. “Nope, what happens in Marty’s basement stays in Marty’s basement. No drunk Cyrus stories until I have some more dirt on you.”

TJ scoffed. “You know my full name, that’s a start.”

Amber chimed in, nudging her cousin and looking sneakily at her friend, “Ohhhh, Cyrus, text me later, I will fill you in on all the sordid details of this one’s past.” She smirked at TJ. 

TJ groaned. “Please, do not believe a word she says. Also, I haven’t seen you in years, all your dirt is middle school level dirt.”

“That’s the best kind of dirt!” Amber argued.

Amber pointed at him and mimed a “crazy” action as he elbowed her. 

“Calm down, children,” Cyrus laughed. 

Just then, Iris walked over. Cyrus smiled at her. She had been his only girlfriend before he figured out he did _not_ swing that way, but they had stayed friends since their awkward middle school break up. Iris had always been supportive of Cyrus, and was even the only one outside of his immediate friend group and family that he had come out to. 

“Iris!” Amber bounded to her best friend and hugged her. “You have to meet my cousin, TJ. The little twerp right over there.”

“Amber, I am literally so much taller than you,” TJ whined goodnaturedly. He turned to look at Iris. “Nice to meet you, Iris.”

“Nice to meet you too, TJ! You’re starting on Monday, yeah?” Iris said in her classic bubbly tone. 

Amber answered for him. “Yep, he just moved in yesterday.” 

Iris nodded. “Well, I’ll probably see you around then.” She slid into the booth next to Cyrus, and gave him a peck on the cheek, something that was customary between the two. Cyrus laughed and nudged her with his shoulder. TJ looked on with a strange expression on his face. Cyrus glanced at him, but he looked down at his lap before he could catch his eye.

Iris turned her attention to Amber. “Are you done with your shift? We need to pick up some poster boards before we head over to Libby’s.” 

Amber looked at her phone. “Two more minutes, then we can head out.”

“What are you doing with Libby today?” Cyrus asked.

“GSA planning event.” Amber said. “We’re having a bake sale next week to raise money for the Trevor Project and need to make posters.”

Cyrus nodded. He still wasn’t out at school yet, even after Amber had come out and helped found the GSA at their high school. He was just… still coming into his own and getting to the point where he felt comfortable putting himself out there more. 

TJ, however, seemed taken aback. “GSA?” he asked quietly.

Iris piped up, “Gay Straight Alliance. This one here is a mad power woman and got the principal to approve it as an official student org this year.” She smiled at Amber warmly. 

Amber’s eyes seemed to widen as she realized something. “Shit, Teej. I haven’t talked to you in so long. I don’t think I told you about this, but…” she trailed off. TJ had a strange expression on his face. She continued, “I’m gay. That’s a thing. Also, Nana and Papa don’t know yet, for obvious reasons, so keep it to yourself,” she said a bit bitterly.

TJ was quiet. He seemed far away. Amber narrowed her eyes at him. “We good?” she asked emphatically. 

That seemed to break him from his reverie. He looked up at her, and said quickly, “Oh, yeah of course. Cool, thanks for telling me, Ambs. Also don’t worry, I won’t say anything to them.” He was still fiddling with his jacket nervously, but otherwise seemed back to normal.

Amber nodded. Cyrus and Iris exchanged glances, but soon after that, the tension started to seep away, and conversation returned to normal. Iris and Amber left to drive to Libby’s, Amber calling out that lunch was on her as the two girls rushed out the door, leaving TJ and Cyrus sitting by themselves in the cafe. 

They were quiet a moment, looking at one another. Then, Cyrus stood up. “Wanna walk around a bit? I can show you some other cool places in town. That is, if you want. We can be done hanging out now if you want,” he rambled. 

TJ smiled. “No, I have nothing left to do today. Lead the way.”

* * *

TJ was reeling. 

Lunch with Cyrus was great. He had so much fun getting to know the other boy a bit better and honestly felt like they were getting along great. 

Then, Amber had sat down and dropped that bomb on him. 

Amber was gay? He felt like his world was spinning differently. He had to take a moment to process everything. 

His hometown high school must have been a lot less with it than Shadyside, because TJ couldn’t think of a single person he knew who was out of the closet there. It was a more conservative town and something like the GSA was so foreign to TJ. 

He was happy Amber told him. He wasn’t homophobic. Honestly. He just… god. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, why that conversation rocked him so much. Maybe it was just because he had only ever really been friends with Reed and Lester and his basketball friends, all of whom only ever talked about girls and wanting to “bang this chic and that chic”, and TJ had always felt in the dark. Like there was no one he could talk to to help him figure out his feelings. Now, hearing Amber come out to him, just like that… he just - he needed to talk to her soon. 

Now, he was walking with Cyrus through the town. They had walked past the high school, a nice looking, large building. Cyrus kept up a bright stream of chatter, telling TJ different facts about the town. 

“And over THERE is where Iris lives, the girl from the Spoon. She’s super cool, you’ll probably see her around a lot, she’s like Amber’s best friend.” Cyrus commented. 

This reminded TJ of something. He put his hands in his pockets and asked shiftily, “Oh, yeah. She seemed nice. Is she… is she your girlfriend?” 

Cyrus stopped. TJ paused, turning around to look at him. Cyrus had a strange look on his face, almost bewildered. “My girlfriend? Oh my god, definitely not. Well, we actually did date in middle school, but… well, we just realized that we’re better off as friends.”

TJ felt a strange relief wash over him. “Oh, okay. She just…” TJ motioned to his cheek, “...earlier and I didn’t know.”

Cyrus laughed. “Nope, I am very single.” Now it was Cyrus’ turn to pause. “Are you dating anyone?” he asked cautiously. 

TJ scoffed. “Nope, also very single.” TJ had never even had a real relationship before. He always used work and basketball as an excuse when his friends teased him about it back home, his dad, too. He had just never really had a crush on any of the girls at school, even the really pretty ones Reed and Lester were always saying he should go after. He had tried once to ask a girl out in middle school, one of his basketball friends named Kira, but that had gone very badly. He just was not into her as much as she was into him and things ended quickly and with a basketball in his face. 

Cyrus skipped to catch up with him. “Oh, well, maybe you’ll meet someone here! Or maybe you won’t, if you’re not interested.”

TJ hummed in agreement. He decided to switch the topic. “So, drunk Cyrus stories?” 

Cyrus groaned. “No, literally, no. I am such a lightweight and I rarely ever drink and when I do, I am such a bumbling mess.”

TJ smirked, bumping their shoulders. “Hey, I bet you’d be fun to party with.” 

Cyrus gave him a side eye. “It’s official. You are a crazy person. I am literally the most lame person to party with.”

“Well, I guess I’ll find out tonight.” TJ sensed then how close their arms were now, how close their hands were as they walked side by side. He gulped. 

“I guess you will," Cyrus looked away, smiling shyly.

* * *

Amber stood anxiously on Andi’s front porch, texting the other girl that she had arrived. She had just finished at Libby’s and Iris had dropped her off at Andi’s with a salacious wink, to which Amber lovingly responded to her by flipping her off. 

Andi opened the door, a bright smile on her face. “Ambs!” Andi threw her arms around Amber, who blushed and hugged back. 

“Andi, I feel like i haven’t seen you in forever,” Amber said, following Andi inside and up the stairs to her room. 

Andi winced. “Jesus, yeah. This week has been an absolute dumpster fire. I am so sorry, I was just so off after everything with Jonah, I haven’t been texting you much.”

Amber nodded. “Yeah, did you want to talk about all that?” 

Andi shrugged. “We’re actually okay now. I don’t know. For a while I was really hurt but I am realizing more and more just how not right we were for each other. Like, it was almost as if we were just staying together because we thought we had to, you know?”

Amber nodded, grabbing Andi’s hand. “I mean, you were dating for so long! It must have been scary to think about ending things.”

Andi shook her head. “Yeah, that’s the thing. I cannot believe how long we dated. Like, I don’t know if I even feel anything towards him anymore. The last six months - it is like we kept drifting further and further apart, but neither of us had the guts to say it. Then over break, I don’t know, we started arguing over one thing and it turned into everything and finally he said what we were both thinking, that this just wasn’t working out. At first I was devastated, but the more I think on it, I think I was more sad because I thought I would lose him as a friend. Now that we have talked and are doing better, I feel less upset.”

Amber gave Andi a hug, tucking her chin onto the shorter girl’s shoulder. “Well I am glad you are doing better. You deserve the world, Andi.” Amber bit her lip. She felt Andi soften into the hug at her words, and inhaled the sweet smell of her shampoo. Damn it. Amber was smitten. 

Pulling away, Andi stood up and started tossing some outfit choices across the room. “Let’s move onto something more fun. Party tonight! I am so excited to meet your cousin. What’s this whole plan you were texting me about?” 

Amber smirked. “Oh, YES. That. Andi, do I have a story for you.” 

Amber relayed the encounter she had with her cousin and Cyrus this afternoon, and how they’d apparently met yesterday night and decided to get lunch together today. Andi’s eyes widened. “That is why Cyrus was being so weird this morning! He didn’t want to tell me about his _daaaate_.” 

Amber laughed. “Okay, it wasn’t a date per se. I honestly don’t know how my cousin swings, just that he’s never really had a relationship with anyone before. But you should have seen how much they both were blushing, Andi!”

Andi squealed. “Oh my god, we need to get Cyrus a boyfriend. Can we meddle, please? I really wanna meddle.”

Amber smirked. “Way ahead of you, girl. I have a plan. What are your thoughts on some “Spin the Bottle” tonight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek, sorry, neeeext chapter we will get to the party. Amber and Andi were just so cute I wanted to write an Ambi scene. Next chapter will be longer and things will start ROLLING. XD thank you for all the comments and kudos I appreciate it so much! <33


	5. Chapter 5

TJ closed the door behind him, and leaned his back against it, face flushed from the cold and from laughing with Cyrus. His heart was fluttering in his chest. They’d had a great rest of their walk, ending with them arriving at the park where they’d first met the night before. Cyrus was being awkward and sweet in a really cute way (TJ convinced himself he meant cute platonically). They’d said their goodbyes and headed to their respective homes, knowing they’d see one another later that night at Amber’s.

TJ stayed there for a moment before shedding his coat and kicking off his shoes into the corner of the hall. He had just started jogging up towards the stairs when his grandma called his name from the kitchen. 

“TJ! Can you give me a hand?” 

TJ reversed course and headed towards the kitchen. His grandma was reaching overhead to put away some dishes. He gingerly took the glass bowl from her hands and placed it on the top shelf. 

“There you go, Nana,” TJ said, the sunny expression from earlier still adorning his face. 

“Thanks dear. Why, you are all smiles this afternoon! Where have you been all day?” his grandmother smiled, sitting down at the kitchen table. 

“I saw Amber today, actually. And hung out with her and some of her friends.”

“Ah, sweet Ambs. I haven’t seen her in so long, and she’s right across town! That girl needs to visit soon.”

TJ recalled Amber’s note to not mention to his grandparents that she’d come out in the past year, and figured that might explain her lack of visits. Instead of saying so, he bluffed, “Yeah, I think she’s been busy, being a senior and all.” 

His grandma nodded. “We’ll have her and her parents over for dinner soon.”

TJ hummed in agreement. His grandma continued. “Which of her friends were you with?”

TJ grabbed a glass of water and started filling it up. “Um, her friend Cyrus, who is in my grade, and her friend Iris, who’s a senior like her.”

“Oh, Iris!” she beamed. “I remember her. She is such a peach. Did you two hit it off?” 

TJ shrugged, taking a sip. “We didn’t talk much, but she seemed nice.”

His grandma’s eyes glinted. “Such a nice girl. So pretty and bright. Great girlfriend material.” She winked at him. TJ groaned internally. Why was everyone always trying to get him to ask out literally any girl that walked in his general vicinity. 

He shrugged again. “Yeah, it was nice meeting her.” He decided to shift topics. “Hey, Amber asked me to hang out tonight, too, so I’ll be out with her later.”

His grandma nodded. “Okay, lovey, just don’t be out too late. Oh, and not too loud coming in. Your grandfather and I are light sleepers and we have church early in the morning. You’re coming with us, yes?”

TJ shifted uncomfortably. He and his father used to go to church every Sunday when he was younger, but since their money problems had gotten really bad in the last year, they hadn’t stepped foot in one once. His dad was often out at the bar each Friday and Saturday night (and lately even on weekdays), drowning his sorrows after a week of failed job searching, which meant he was often asleep through the service. His mom, meanwhile, had never been particularly religious, so there wasn’t really a reason for TJ to keep going if his dad wasn’t. 

His grandma looked at him expectantly. TJ realized her question was less of a question and more of a request. “Um, yeah. Sure, Nana.”

She clapped her hands together. “Lovely! Service starts at 8:30. We usually head there a bit earlier, around 8.”

TJ nodded, setting down his glass of water in the sink. “Sounds great, Nana. Well, I’m gonna go up to my room.”

She smiled and resumed drying dishes on the counter. “Okay, dear. Call if you need anything!”

TJ headed up to his room, and flopped down on his bed. He checked his phone, and shot a quick text to Reed and Lester, telling them he’d be at the party tonight and that he hoped they had a good time with their plans. 

He stood up, and looked in the small mirror in his room, eyeing his outfit. He felt a bit nervous that his white t-shirt was a little too tight, and the jean jacket on jeans look was a bit too much. He gently shed the jacket, and looked at himself in his jeans and t-shirt alone. The self conscious feelings started to creep in. 

TJ knew he was built athletically. His years playing sports and working out with the team had built up his physique. However, he always doubted himself, in anything that he did. He overthought his outfits, not wanting to seem too “out there.” He compared himself to the other guys he saw around him. He worried about sounding stupid, saying the wrong thing, coming off wrong. His defense mechanism to combat these feelings was to adopt an air of bravado, this cool confidence that would shut down anyone calling him out on his insecurities. But then, when he was alone, he would just judge himself further, hating the arrogant mask he put on around other people.

He shuffled his jean jacket back on and took a breath. Reed had told him this was a good outfit, so he’d just have to go with it. He checked his phone again and smiled. Reed and Lester had sent him a stupid selfie from Reed’s Mercedez, flipping him off, smiles wide and goofy. His eyes lingered on Reed’s face a moment before he exited that chat and went to text Amber asking when he should head over. 

He laid down on his bed again and closed his eyes, trying to calm his mind. He couldn’t seem to slow his heart down today. At first, it was freaking him out a bit, because he usually related his heart racing with anxiety episodes. But his chest felt light and fluttery, not tight like it normally did. He didn’t really know why; it had just been a nice day, he supposed. 

Amber texted him back to head over around 9 PM, and sent him her address. He shot a quick thank you and closed out of his chat app, turning instead to Spotify. He searched for his playlist he’d made with his mom earlier in the year, and hesitantly pressed play. The first song was “I Want to Break Free” by Queen. He smiled nostalgically, pressing his eyes shut and drifting back to softer days, when he’d dance around with his mom in their living room listening to her old records, singing along like maniacs. He pressed his hands to his cheeks, and felt a soft stream of tears streaking down. Fuck. He rubbed his eyes, willing himself to calm down. 

He opened his chat app again and found his messages with his mom. Pretending to ignore the numerous messages he had sent without response over the last month, he typed out another.

 _Thelly:_ I miss you, mom

He watched it send, and stared at it for a few minutes, as though willing that tiny little “read” receipt to pop up. Shocker, it didn’t. He bit his lip and clicked his phone off. He was just being an idiot, thinking for whatever reason today would be different with her. 

Whatever. 

He’d focus on tonight instead. Tonight, he decided, it would be fun. He’d make sure of it. 

* * *

“Buffy, Andi, Amber, you have to help me.” 

Buffy was facetiming in from her bedroom, Marty visible in the background throwing popcorn up in the air and catching it in his mouth. Andi and Amber looked at each other, smirking. They were in the middle of unloading a bag of snacks they’d picked up for the party later. 

“What do you need Cyrus?” Buffy laughed teasingly.

Cyrus flopped down on his bed. “I don’t know what to wear.”

Amber giggled. “You spend more time worrying about your wardrobe than I do, Cy, and that’s saying something.”

Cyrus tsked, choosing to ignore the comment, moving to his wardrobe and pulling out a pile of options. 

“Okay, so I have this blue one. It has tiny dinosaurs on it, which I love unironically, but do you think it looks good ironically too? Like, maybe it says that I’m not like a dinosaur nerd, I am just playing with that kind of nerdy look in a quirky, cool, ironic way…”

“But you _are_ a dinosaur nerd,” Amber deadpanned.

Cyrus groaned. “I know that, Amber, but-”

“Why are you freaking out over what to wear, anyways? It’s just gonna be the extended GHC, right?” Marty called from behind Buffy, shuffling to sit beside her, laying his head on her shoulder. 

Amber and Andi eyed each other knowingly. “I know why he’s nervous,” Amber sing-songed. Cyrus glared at her. 

Buffy looked personally betrayed. “Dude, what is up? Are you hiding something?”

Cyrus groaned. “It is quite literally NOTHING. Amber, would you kindly shove that shit eating grin up your ass?”

Amber put her hand to her chest, appearing scandalized. Andi snickered beside her. “Cyrus, language!” She turned her attention to Buffy, who was waiting expectantly. “Slayer, the reason our little Cyrus is acting like an absolute crazy person is because he has a crush on my cousin, who will be joining us tonight.” She pretended to wipe away tears and sniffed. “He’s growing up.”

Buffy’s jaw dropped. “Um, Cyrus, when were you planning on telling us about this.”

Marty nodded, leaning in toward the camera. “ _Get it_ , Cy. You deserve a hot piece of ass in your life.” He pumped his fist up. Buffy rolled her eyes at him, elbowing him in the side. He stuck his tongue out at her.

Cyrus choked at that, turning bright ren and squeaking out, “Buffy, you’re gonna have to bail me out tomorrow, because it is highly likely that I will murder Amber tonight.” 

Amber laughed. “You know you love me, Cyrus. And by the looks of your date today, you loooove my cousin.”

Marty and Buffy both literally gasped. “DATE?” they yelled in unison. 

“It. Was. Not. A. Date.” Cyrus said emphatically. “I was just showing him around Shadyside. We went to the Spoon-” 

“And stared lovingly into one another’s eyes…” Amber interrupted.

“AND did nothing of the sort. Plus, I think he’s straight. He is like, a basketball bro.”

Buffy perked at that. “Ohh, cool, a fellow baller!”

“He might not be straight, Cy. I don’t think he’s ever even had a relationship before. No way to know.” Amber said.

Cyrus mumbled, “I am literally not even out at school yet. I am not outing myself to this random kid, who is most likely straight, just because you all think we’d be good together.”

Amber softened. She didn’t mean to be so demanding about it. She knew Cyrus was taking things slow with coming out. 

The rest of the group seemed to chill out, too. “Sorry Cy,” Marty said. “Didn’t mean to be a dick about it.”

Cyrus softened, too. “No, no, it’s not that. I love you guys and I am glad that you want me to be happy, it’s just… I need to do things on my own time, okay?”

His friends nodded in understanding. 

Cyrus sighed. “But… okay he is really cute.”

Amber jumped up. “I KNEW IT. I _so_ knew you would be into him. Oblivious sporty boys with nice eyes are so your type.”

Everyone laughed as Cyrus attempted to protest, before conceding defeat. “Whatever. Ugh. I never thought I’d say this, but this week has been so stressful, I like, _need_ a drink tonight.” Everyone else chimed in agreement. 

“Just not that peach vodka again.” Marty grimaced. “Never again.”

“Speaking of peach vodka, Cyrus, since you’re not actively trying to woo this boy, am I allowed to tell the bathtub story?” Amber asked innocently.

Cyrus’ eyes bugged. “Abso-freaking-lutely never ever in your life may you tell that story to TJ Kippen.”

Amber raised her hands in defeat. The conversation steered back to what Cyrus should wear as Buffy and Marty tried to assure the nervous boy that he rocked every look. Amber glanced at Andi next to her and whispered, “I’m so telling the bathtub story.”  
Andi giggled and pressed her shoulder to Amber’s. “Oh, most definitely. If you don’t then I will.”

* * *

TJ pressed Amber’s doorbell before shoving his hands in his pockets nervously, shifting side to side. He was a bit early, and there didn’t seem to be many people there yet. 

After a couple moments, he heard some shuffling and giggling from behind the door, and Amber pulled it open. Another girl slid up behind her, laughing brightly, hands landing on Amber’s shoulders, peeking over to look him over. 

“TJ!” Amber threw herself at him, wrapping her hands around his neck. 

He was a bit surprised but hugged her back nonetheless. “Hello to you, too! You remember I _just_ saw you at that diner, right?”

She pulled away and pinched his cheeks in that annoying way she’d done since before he could remember. “Psh, I haven’t seen you in years. Can’t I be excited to see my cousin?”

“You sure it has nothing to do with that half empty bottle of wine on the counter?” TJ smirked. 

Amber winced, mirth still dancing in her eyes. “Ooooops, guilty.” She pulled away. “Oh, TJ, this is Andi. Andi, this is TJ,” Amber gestured to the girl behind her. 

Andi stepped forward. She was a sweet-looking girl, with a stylish pixie-cut, wearing an artsy, homemade-looking romper. She stuck out a hand, wrist totally adorned in bracelets, and TJ shook it. “Nice to meet you TJ! I have heard so much about you!” She leaned closer to Amber, whispering, “Cyrus was right.” TJ cocked his head, a bit confused.

Amber giggled and pushed Andi behind her, gesturing for TJ to come in. “Everyone else should be here soon. You can leave your stuff at the door.”

TJ followed her in, shedding his winter jacket and toeing his boots off. “Who all that you know are coming tonight?”

Amber put her finger to her chin. “Uhmmmm… Well, me, you, and Andi, obviously. Then Cyrus, Iris, Jonah, Marty, Buffy, Walker, and Libby.” She smiled at his blank look. “Don’t worry, you’ll know them all well by the end of the night. Everyone is really friendly. Here, while we wait, you can help us finish setting up. 

TJ followed her in the kitchen and helped her and Andi finish arranging the snack and drink station. 

Andi touched Amber’s shoulder. “Hey, the wine is already getting to me and I have to pee, be right back.” Amber chuckled and watched the other girl leave, eyes lingering for a moment before she returned her gaze to the snack table.

TJ raised his eyebrows. “Is that your girlfriend?”

Amber’s eyes shot up. “Oh my god, no.” She looked behind her, in the direction Andi had headed. “Not that I’m not interested…” she said wistfully. 

TJ nodded. He was quiet for a moment, before he blurted out, “How did you know?”

“Know what?” Amber asked, puzzled.

“Know… that you, um, liked girls.”

Amber nodded slowly, looking at him deeply. “Same as anyone else. I just… liked girls. How did you figure out who you like?”

Before TJ could say anything, the doorbell rang. Anxious to get out of having to speak any further on this subject, he excused himself to go get it. He opened Amber’s door quickly, coming face to face with Cyrus. 

Cyrus was wearing that giant, fluffy parka again. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes wide. 

“Hey TJ,” Cyrus said, flashing a brilliant smile. TJ smiled back, and scooted aside to let Cyrus come in. 

“Hey Cy, how was the rest of your day.” 

Cyrus shrugged off his jacket. “Oh, well, as you probably could guess, I am a vastly popular person and was booked solid all day. Just glad I could squeeze this into my packed weekend schedule,” Cyrus winked. 

TJ laughed, drinking in Cyrus’s soft face, his adorable short sleeved button down (were those tiny T-Rexes on it?) and khakis. He didn’t even realize that Cyrus was asking him a question. 

“Huh?” TJ returned his gaze to Cyrus’ face, who quirked a half smile, eyes sparkling.

“Just asked if you were all moved in.” They headed toward the kitchen.

TJ shrugged. “Mostly. I mean, all the boxes are indoors, which is a start. Nothing is unpacked, though.” 

Cyrus nodded. “When my parents split and my dad moved in with my stepmom, I swear, they lived out of his cardboard boxes for like a year. Unpacking is the hardest part of moving.”

TJ glanced at Cyrus. “Your parents are divorced?”

Cyrus nodded quickly. “Since I was really young. Plus side of that is having four awesome parents. Downside is that they are all mental health professionals and I sometimes feel like a lab rat. But, hey, I am like the group’s official counselor, so it is not without perks.”

TJ laughed. “Man, that is crazy. But I guess I grew up with two musicians and am a total music snob now, so.” 

They saw Amber and Andi goofing off in the kitchen then. Amber perked up at seeing Cyrus. “Cy!” Both girls ran up and hugged their best friend. “I am soooo happy you are here!” 

Cyrus glanced between TJ and the opened wine bottle, pointing silently at it and at the very excited girls clutching him. TJ laughed and nodded, to which Cyrus rolled his eyes. 

Pulling away, he clapped his hands together. “Well, since it seems you two have already started without us, I say we start to catch up.” He made his way toward the kitchen, the other teens in tow. “What is there tonight, Ambs?

Amber gave them the tour. “We have some bottles of wine, some ciders and some leftover beer from last time. But the belle of the ball is this,” she gestured to the big glass bowl on the counter, smiling mischievously. “Our featured drink, AKA Jungle Juice, AKA it is probably pretty shitty because I just kind of threw together a fuck ton of alcohol and all the juice in my fridge.”

Cyrus laughed. “God, smells more like rubbing alcohol. How strong is it?”

Amber raised her shoulders guiltily. 

Cyrus sighed. “Well, I did say I needed a drink tonight. Go big or go home.” He poured the four of them cups, handing them out.

“Bottoms up!” Amber cheered. They all took a sip, and immediately winced. 

Cyrus gagged, gasping, “Rubbing alcohol! Jesus CHRIST Amber.” 

She giggled, still scrunching her face up at the taste. “Your fault, Cyrus, you wanted to be adventurous. 

TJ laughed. “You did say, go big or go home.” He clinked his cup with Cryus’, who looked down and smiled. 

“Yeah, never thought I’d be the bad influence, but here we are.” He steeled himself over and took another sip, face scrunching a bit less this time.

Amber dragged them all into her living room. “Let’s get this party started!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the party! A reminder that this will be a LONG, slow-burn story. I hope you are enjoying it so far! Thank you to everyone leaving comments, I appreciate it so much! Please let me know what you think <3 Can't wait to share the next chapter. Andi and Amber meddle, drama ensues - it'll be a good time.


	6. Chapter 6

Cyrus smiled dizzily from his spot on Amber’s couch, taking in the room around him. Amber’s party was in full swing and everyone had arrived. First Buffy skipped in arm in arm with Marty, then Jonah, and finally Iris, Walker, and Libby trickled in one by one. They were all in Amber’s living room, sharing drinks and catching up with one another. Jonah had sheepishly walked over to Andi and Amber, as though still not positive that everything was alright between them. Andi had smiled and pulled him over, and he looked almost giddy, he was so relieved. Walker was drawing a very messy picture of Libby and Iris, all three of them snickering like fools. And Cyrus was seated next to Buffy on his left, who had Marty on her lap (apparently because of a lost bet between the two), and TJ on his right. Cyrus was painfully aware of the other boy’s proximity, especially as he conversed with Buffy and Marty over Cyrus about basketball. 

“You were on your team back home, yeah?” Buffy asked TJ. Cyrus winced; Buffy was always a loud person, but it came out especially when she had a few drinks in her. 

TJ nodded. “Yeah, I was team captain back home last year, actually. But I’m like ridiculously out of shape right now, I haven’t played in so long.” Cyrus couldn’t tell if TJ was feeling the drinks yet. He still seemed to be responding pretty reasonably. Cyrus himself was feeling a bit lighter and spinny, but not so much that he thought he was that drunk. 

Buffy grinned. “Hey, I’m sure you just need to get back into it. I’m vying for team captain this year, though, so don’t get so much better you’ll beat me to that.” She whipped to look at Marty. “You either. Just because we practice together now doesn’t mean you get to be better than me.”

Marty rolled his eyes. “Okay. Let’s play, right now.” 

Buffy smirked. “With what net?”

Marty looked over at the dining room table. “I’m not talking basketball; I think it’s time we start beer pong.”

Buffy’s eyes glinted. “Oh, you are so on.” She all but shoved him off her lap and the two made their way over to the table to set up. Marty looked back at Cyrus and TJ. “You two coming? Pong has to be played in pairs.” 

Cyrus gaped at Marty and Buffy. He tried to communicate with Buffy silently that there was absolutely no way he was showing his lack of athletic prowess to TJ tonight, but she just motioned him over more. Cyrus gulped and glanced at the other boy. 

TJ was smiling. “Are they always like that?”

Cyrus nodded, “Um, yes. Literally always. There is no reprieve.”

TJ laughed and stood up, brushing his hands on his jeans. He turned and held his hand out to Cyrus. “Well, it doesn’t seem right to argue. Come on, we have been summoned.” 

Cyrus smiled and shakily grabbed TJ’s hand, allowing the other boy to pull himself up from the couch. Cyrus’ breath caught in his throat as TJ’s hand enclosed his. It was as though electricity shot up his arm. Unfortunately, TJ removed his hand far too soon for Cyrus’ liking. 

_Whoa, okay, calm down_ _Drunk Cyrus_ , the reasonable side of his brain urged him. But drunk Cyrus was coming out now (ha, no pun intended) and he followed the other boy to the table to play. 

Buffy and TJ teamed up, leaving Cyrus with Marty. Unsurprisingly, TJ and Buffy dominated. They were both very competitive, and quickly got sucked into the game and were constantly trying to one-up one another. Sometimes, they even started trash-talking each other (“Jesus, you are on the same team!” Marty had groaned at one point, to which Buffy had stuck her tongue out at him and nailed her pong ball in one of their cups) but by the end, when they won, they cheered with joy and hugged. 

Marty clapped his hand on Cyrus’ shoulder. “Better luck next time, man.” 

Cyrus laughed. “Oh, Marty, there will never be a next time. I am swearing off any form of physical competition from here on out.”

TJ ran over to the two of them. He seemed so happy, it made Cyrus beam. “Aye, good game you two!”

Cyrus rolled his eyes. “Um, TJ, were you even watching? I literally didn’t even bounce the ball off of any of the cups once.”

TJ laughed, a twinkling sound that made Cyrus’ heart pound. “You just need practice! Here, let me help.” He set up a single cup on the other side of the table, grabbed a ball, and rounded back to Cyrus. He positioned himself _very close_ behind Cyrus and handed him the ball. Cyrus’ breath caught in his chest. 

TJ whispered encouragingly, “Okay, wider stance. Bend your knees. Now, keep your eye on the cup. That’s the most important thing. Now, bend your elbow - not so much, softly, just like your knees.” TJ touched Cyrus’ arm, repositioning it. He lingered his hand on Cyrus’ wrist for a moment, before letting go and whispering, “Now, throw.”

Cyrus threw. And the ball sunk into the cup. 

TJ cheered and clapped his back. “Oh my god, Cy, did you see that!”

Cyrus beamed and threw his arms up. “I’m an athlete! Call me Simone Biles!”

* * *

Amber was watching Cyrus and TJ interact for a couple of minutes. She had tuned out of her conversation with Andi and Jonah until Jonah waved a hand in front of her face. 

“Earth to Amber?” Jonah laughed. 

Amber turned to face them. “Oh, shit sorry, what did you say?”

Jonah smiled. “No worries, just said thanks for a great party and for getting someone to buy for us.” He took another sip of his beer. “What are you looking at?” He followed her gaze to TJ and Cyrus. “Huh, your cousin and Cyrus seem to be getting along well!”

Andi smirked. “Jonah, remember how Cyrus was being so evasive this morning?”

Jonah nodded, cocking his head. Amber continued, “Oh, well it’s because he has a mad crush on my cousin and they’ve been hanging out like all day.”

Jonah smiled. “Oh, go Cy Guy! Amber, I didn’t know your cousin was gay.”

Andi winced. “Actually, that’s unconfirmed. So don’t say anything about it, okay?”

Jonah nodded slowly. “Oh, okay. Gotcha.” 

Amber looked at Andi. “I do, however, think it is time to set our plan into effect.” Andi nodded sneakily. 

Jonah looked between the two. “Wait, plan? What plan? I don’t trust the two of you and plans.”

Amber chose to ignore that and moved to the center of the room. “Hey everyone! Who is ready for some Spin the Bottle?”

* * *

TJ felt incredibly nervous but was doing his level best not to show it. The two drinks he’d had at this point helped loosen him up some. He’d had fun talking and playing with Marty and Buffy because basketball and sports were pretty safe topics for him. He’d even let himself get close to Cyrus, which was nice. His slightly inebriated brain wasn’t even thinking the way he normally did about getting too close to guys. And when Cyrus had gotten the shot, his face was so cute, it made TJ so happy. 

But then, Amber had called them all to the center to play Spin the Bottle.

He tried to ignore the ball of lead in his gut as he sat down in the circle between Amber and Buffy. The truth was, TJ hadn’t ever _really_ kissed anyone. In a way that really counted, anyway. He’d had some (hellishly awkward) encounters with some girls from his old school, but they never really amounted to anything.

He took another gulp of his drink. His mind calmed a bit. 

Amber clapped her hands together dramatically once everyone was seated. “Okay, I think everyone knows the rules.” She set an empty beer bottle on the hardwood in the center of their circle. “No one has mono, right?”

Everyone laughed. She nodded smugly. “I’ll take that as a no. Alright, who will go first...”

She spun the bottle. TJ took another sip of his drink as the bottle spun quickly, feeling the alcohol a bit more. He glanced at Cyrus, who was sitting next to Andi, hands crossed in his lap. Cyrus shot him a small smile. TJ looked back to the bottle. 

It ended up on Libby. Libby clapped her hands together and crawled to the center, spinning it again. It circled around and around before skittering to a stop in front of Iris. Both girls giggled and shared a chaste kiss, pressing their cheeks together afterward in a sloppy sideways hug. 

“Alright, who is neeeeext!” Iris sang out. She was definitely feeling it. She spun the bottle. It landed on Marty. 

Marty's fist pumped into the air. He spun it, and it landed on Amber. Amber squealed and tackled Marty in a comically passionate kiss. Buffy rolled her eyes fondly. 

Amber pulled away, winking at Marty. Marty’s eyes were bugging out a bit, but he shook it off as he spun the bottle. “Sorry for the infidelity babe.”

The bottle landed pointing at Buffy. She grinned. “Hey, we’ll cancel each other out.” She poked him in his side as she sidled up to spin the bottle. It landed on Jonah. Buffy’s face pinched. “Hey, no, this will be like kissing my brother.” 

Jonah had a similar grimace. “Yeah, no offense Buffy, but ew.” 

Buffy glared at him. “Okay, you know what?” She lunged and pecked him on the lips, promptly wiping her mouth after, returning to sitting beside Marty.

Marty giggled, “Okay, Jonah, now’s the time we’re supposed to fight.” He pulled his fists up jokingly.

Jonah rolled his eyes. “I prefer calm discussions and apologetic bro hugs.”

Marty nodded. “Yeah, agreed. All is good, bro. You’re forgiven. I love you!” 

TJ smiled at the exchange and took another sip. His head felt fuzzier. TJ couldn’t believe how comfortable he felt with everyone already. He never thought he’d be at a party with a great group of people his first day in Shadyside, but here he was. _Don’t screw it up, TJ, like you ruin anything good in your life._ His spinning mind flashed to his mother’s face. He tried to shake it off.

He looked at Cyrus again, this time a bit longer. Cyrus was leaning into Andi, laughing at his friends.

Jonah spun the bottle. It slowly came to a stop across from Andi. Andi blushed and spun it. It landed in front of Amber. 

This time, it was Amber’s turn to blush. Andi smiled widely and sidled up to her, wrapping her arms around her neck and giving her a sweet, soft kiss. Amber’s eyes fluttered shut during it and she softly laid her hands on Andi’s shoulders. The group cheered. Andi pulled away, blushing furiously now, returning to her seat next to Cyrus and clasping her hands tightly in front of her. 

Amber, a bit dazed, whether from the kiss or the wine buzz, spun the bottle again. It circled the group a few times before landing on… Cyrus. He literally squeaked out loud and bashfully crawled up to the bottle. He spun it.

TJ took another sip as he watched it spin, spin, spin, before it slowed down to stop… right in front of him. It took TJ’s muddled brain a second to fully understand that…

He and Cyrus were going to kiss. 

He looked at Cyrus, who was a certified tomato at this point. He felt everyone’s eyes on him. His heart fluttered in excitement, but his stomach twisted in anxiety. 

Cyrus was looking at him in uncertainty. He didn’t make a move to approach him for some time. Then, as if steeling himself over with resolve, he crawled over to TJ’s spot in the circle. 

TJ’s body tensed. Cyrus sat across from him, biting his lip nervously. The entire rest of the room seemed to disappear as Cyrus leaned forward. His eyes bored into TJ’s as he slowly moved to close the distance between them. TJ felt his breath catch. Cyrus was so close now, TJ could see his eyelashes, those big, doe eyes. TJ’s thoughts were soft around the edges from the drinks but his body was on high alert, heart thudding in his ears. Cyrus was an inch away now. TJ felt himself start to soften, his eyes fluttering shut, started to lean forward…

Suddenly, his phone started ringing in his pocket, loudly. TJ and Cyrus jumped apart. The rest of the world came crashing back. TJ’s stomach twisted. He blinked. Cyrus was a couple of feet away now, looking at TJ expectantly. TJ looked at his pocket and realized his phone was still ringing. He grabbed it and looked at the caller ID. 

_Lester._

TJ stood up, ignoring the looks from everyone in the room. He spun a bit from the alcohol but steadied himself. Without looking at anyone, he rushed out, “Sorry, I have to take this,” and ran out to the front porch. 

He hastily accepted the call as soon as he was outside. 

“Hey, Lester? What’s up?” TJ breathed out. 

There was a beat of hesitation on the other end, then Lester spoke, shakily, “It’s Reed. He’s like, really worked up.”

TJ sank to sit on the concrete, barely registering the frigid winter air biting at his skin. “What happened?”

Lester sighed. “We went to this party, and Reed got really wasted, and then, I don’t know, he must’ve taken something. He started wigging out after going to the bathroom with some other guys. Lacey was sober so she drove us back to his place, and I brought him to his guest house so we didn’t run into his parents, but he like, won’t calm down, and I don’t know what to do.” Lester rushed out, sounding on the verge of tears. 

TJ whispered, “Did you call anyone? 911?” 

Lester breathed out shakily, “TJ, he would _kill_ me, with the charges from, you know, he would be in so much trouble if he gets caught high as a kite.” Lester sounded like he was crying now. “I just don’t know what to do, I wish you were here.”

TJ shook his head. “Lester, you need to call 911. I’m fucking serious.”

Lester paused for a few moments. Finally, he spoke. “Okay,” he conceded, quietly. “Can you talk to him while I do, though? He… listens to you more.”

TJ nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

There was some shuffling on the other side of the call. Then, TJ heard ragged breathing and sobbing. “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, fuck, help me, someone help me.” 

TJ bit his lip, feeling tears drip down his cheeks. “Reed, it’s me. It’s TJ. We’re gonna get you some help, okay?”

* * *

Cyrus peered over Amber’s shoulder. They were trying to peek from the living room window to see TJ. He could just barely make out TJ hunched over, talking on the phone with someone. It seemed serious. 

Amber pulled back, and Cyrus stepped away as well. They turned to the group. 

Marty bit his lip. “All good?”

Amber twisted her face. “I’m… not sure.” 

Everyone looked at one another slowly. They had discarded the game, and everyone was sobering at that point. 

Andi looked at Amber. “Do you want to go check on him?”

Amber shook her head slowly. “He… he can be kind of defensive when something is upsetting him. I think he just needs some space.”

The group nodded solemnly. Cyrus felt his heart clench. He didn’t want TJ to have to be dealing with anything like this. All he wanted to do was give the other boy a hug. 

He shook a bit. He still hadn’t processed that he and TJ had almost kissed. They’d gotten so close he could feel the heat emanating from the other boy’s smooth skin. Cyrus wrapped his arms around himself and clutched his shoulders, trying to process everything. 

Amber seemed to be taking stock of the situation. “I’m not sure I’m feeling up to the party anymore, I’m really sorry everyone.” 

“Dude, don’t be.” Jonah smiled softly. “We understand.” The group chirped in agreement. 

Marty cracked his knuckles. “How about… movie night?” 

The rest of the group agreed enthusiastically. Everyone helped Amber clean up and transform the living room into a mess of blankets, pillows, and snacks. They all settled in and popped in (after a heated debate over which movie to pick) _Tangled_. 

Andi and Amber were sitting next to one another on the floor, Libby and Iris beside them. Walker was laying out on the armchair. Marty, Buffy, and Jonah shared the couch. 

Cyrus was perched on the rocking chair in the corner of the room. He couldn’t still his thoughts. All he wanted was to know that TJ was okay.

He tried to focus on the lightheartedness of the film, but his thoughts were glued to the boy sitting outside. He felt himself sobering up more and more with each minute, and with his clearing mind came a whirlwind of thoughts and fears over TJ. 

Finally, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He slipped out of his seat and headed toward the front door. 

* * *

TJ shut off his phone and sighed, rubbing his face, wiping away the mottled tears. His breath caught in his chest. He had stayed on with Reed as he sobbed and chattered out paranoid nonsense, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Finally, Lester had grabbed the phone back from Reed and let him know that the paramedics were there. 

“Thanks, man,” Lester had muttered and hung up. 

TJ’s mind was spiraling. He knew Reed partied hard, harder than TJ ever had, but never like this. The worst was always just Reed puking and acting like an idiot when he was blackout. This… this was something TJ hadn’t experienced before. It chilled him to his bones. 

He tapped out a text to Lester, asking the other boy to keep him updated on Reed’s condition. As he pressed send, a voice cut through the night. “Are you… okay?”

TJ snapped his attention to his right. Amber’s front door was open a crack, and Cyrus’ kind eyes were peeking through it. 

TJ just looked away. He didn’t have the energy to deal. A few beats passed before he felt something soft settle gently on his knees. Cyrus was tucking a blanket over him tenderly, acting as though TJ was a skittish animal he had to approach slowly. 

TJ sat numbly for a moment, before realizing how cold he actually was. He pulled the blanket tighter around him a bit. Cyrus smiled at that, and carefully sat down next to TJ, tucking his knees close to his chest. He looked at TJ. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

TJ was coming down from a major anxiety high. His mood was plummeting alongside. “Jesus, why would I tell you, I barely know you,” he bit out, immediately regretting it. Cyrus recoiled, looking away. TJ wanted to reach out to Cyrus, apologize for lashing out, let Cyrus comfort him, but he felt frozen in place. 

Cyrus breathed out slowly. “Okay… I’ll go.” He stood up and moved toward the door. 

Finally, TJ seemed to break out of his paralyzing fear. “No!” He said, panicked. 

Cyrus stilled, facing him again, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m not here to be your punching bag. If you need space, I’ll give you space. I’m sorry if I was being too nosy.”

TJ bit his lip. “I know… stay?”

Cyrus slowly sat down again, leaving some more space between them this time. They sat in silence for some time. TJ focused on his breathing, trying to calm down. Cyrus clutched his knees to his chest again.

Finally, TJ spoke. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, TJ.”

TJ shook his head. “No… I’m being a dick. And I probably seem crazy. Everyone probably hates me for ruining the party,” he scoffed ruefully. 

Cyrus smiled gently, looking up at TJ. “That is so not true. They are all a puppy pile in there watching Tangled. You didn’t ruin anything. Well, maybe you ruined Spin the Bottle, but I think that is more than okay,” Cyrus joked weakly. 

TJ tensed at the reminder of the game. The flash of memory, Cyrus’ eyes, his soft lips so close to TJ’s, leaning in towards him, it bit at him like the cold was biting at his skin. TJ was so scared. He wasn’t ready to face how much he _wanted_ that moment to never end. Instead of admitting that, TJ recoiled back into himself, and spoke, almost blankly, “I’m not gay.” 

Cyrus stiffened. He sat there a beat, like an animal pausing, sensing fear. Finally, he spoke. “Okay…”

They left it at that. There was a distance between the two of them now, pushing back at what had, up until then, felt like an unspoken magnetism. They were both lost in their own thoughts. 

Finally, Cyrus shivered and stood. He opened the door and turned back to TJ. “You’re gonna freeze out here; come inside with me?” His voice rose softly at the end, his nerves burning through his words. 

TJ, consumed with anxiety and self-loathing and confusing, confusing feelings, stood up silently, and followed Cyrus inside. 

Before Cyrus could lead them entirely back into the living room, however, something took a hold of TJ. He grabbed Cyrus’s shoulder hesitantly. “Wait.”

Cyrus turned around, looking expectantly at TJ. 

TJ chewed on the inside of his cheek. “...thank you.”

Cyrus softened at that. He smiled and nodded, and turned around again, walking towards Amber’s living room. 

TJ followed, tucking himself into the corner of the room. He kept his eyes on Cyrus’ slight frame, curling up next to Andi and Amber. TJ sighed again, rolling to his side, facing away from everyone.

He squeezed his eyes shut. He felt dirty, like a liar, uncomfortable in his own skin. Because... maybe he was a liar. He was just too scared to admit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST!!!! The story is PICKING UP, it's a slow burn but more and more drama will ensue I promise eek. Please let me know what you think in the comments, I would love to hear any feedback you have!


	7. Chapter 7

TJ’s eyes shot open. 

At first, he had no recollection of where he was. He looked around blearily, taking in Amber’s living room, the sleeping almost-strangers, letting the events of the night before wash over him. 

He shot up. 

_Reed._

He scrambled for his phone, trying to find it tucked away in his clothes or pockets. Finally, he found it wedged beneath him. His trembling hands attempted to turn it on, but the screen stubbornly remained black. It was dead. 

Fuck. 

TJ heaved in a deep breath and stood up shakily, scouring the room for a charger. He couldn’t see anything, and his breathing started becoming more and more harried. He needed his phone, needed to see if Reed was alright. His head was spinning, his chest tightening. He tried to sit down but stumbled a bit, nearly falling atop the other people on the floor. But he barely noticed, the real world seemed fuzzy, far away. 

Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands grab his shoulders and usher him out of the living room. He allowed the hands to gently guide him to sit, on something soft, and followed the kind voice’s instructions to focus on his breathing, in, out, in out. TJ’s panic started to subside after a few minutes, and he slowly began to breathe slower, feeling the paralyzing anxiety in his chest start to fade away. 

After a few more minutes of breathing normally, TJ peeled his eyes open. 

One of the people from the party, someone TJ hadn’t really had the chance to talk to, was gently resting his hand on his back and looking at him with wide eyes. TJ’s memory flickered, the name “Jonah” fuzzy from last night appearing in the back of his mind. 

The boy in question smiled sadly and said, “You’re okay. I promise. You’re okay. I’m here.”

TJ nodded numbly, clenching his jaw. “I, I need a charger,” he offered weakly. 

Jonah pointed to the corner of the room. TJ followed with his gaze until his eyes landed on his phone, plugged in and charging. He heaved a sigh of relief and stood up, running to it. “Fuck, Reed.”

TJ’s fingers pressed the ON button, and he nearly started tearing up when the screen jumped back to life. He shakily pressed open his messages and saw quite a few missed calls from that morning. He registered the time: 8:57 AM. Ignoring the missed calls, he sought out Lester’s name. There was one new message from 7:12 AM that morning.

 _Lesthaveaparty:_ hey tj, reed is doing okay. i’ve been at the hospital w him and his parents since last night. they took care of him, and he should get to go home tonight

TJ felt hot, sloppy tears drip down his nose, watched them splatter on his screen, mottling the message. He wiped his face and the glass, typed out a “thank you”, and asked Lester to have Reed call him as soon as he could. 

TJ wished he was back there, wished he could do something to help. He slumped against the wall, mind rushing, his thoughts on Reed. Before he got the text from Lester, horrible thoughts were shooting across his mind. Now, he was flooded with relief, his hands clammy and his forehead damp with cold sweat.

Jonah, who had been silent up until then, asked, “Is everything alright?”

TJ wiped his eyes and his nose again. Suddenly, he felt very self-conscious. He was in basically a stranger’s space, after probably making an absolute fool out of himself the night before, and now he was crying in front of some kid he had spoken less than ten words to.

He was about to stand up, make a lame excuse to leave and bolt when Jonah spoke again. “You don’t have to talk. I just want you to know I’m here. I understand some of what you’re going through.” He looked down at his lap. “I get anxiety attacks, too. They fucking suck.” 

TJ gnawed at his lip, squeezing his eyes shut. He nodded. “Yeah,” he choked out. 

TJ felt Jonah’s gaze, burning on him. His nerves started raising again. He looked at his phone. 9:02 AM. He realized that he was missing church with his grandparents.

That would explain the missed calls. Fuck. 

“I’ve gotta go, I’m sorry.” TJ stood up and walked quickly back to the living room, quietly gathering his stuff so he could get out of there without anyone noticing. Jonah watched silently from the doorway. 

As TJ slipped his jacket on and threw on his boots, Jonah spoke, “Hey, TJ?”

TJ paused and looked up. “Yeah?”

Jonah shoved his hands in his pockets and breathed a deep breath. “Like, I just wanna let you know that I’m here for you. You’re Amber’s family, which means you’re family for this group, too now.”

TJ stayed silent.

Jonah shook his head. “Like last night, no one gives a shit. We just want you to be okay.” He paused and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Cyrus was the first to see me… when my anxiety got really bad. He was there for me, even when I didn’t really understand it and was scared and embarrassed. He took care of me.” Jonah looked TJ in the eye. "So like, if you need anything... just holler."

TJ felt his tears brimming again. He didn’t know what to say. His heart thumped in his chest. He nodded, avoiding Jonah’s gaze, and finished slipping on his boots, turning quickly and leaving out the door. 

He all but ran home to his grandparents', head spinning. He didn’t want help, didn’t need it. He’d been taking care of his own shit his whole life. His parents fighting into the night, scrounging up the money to pay for things at school, struggling with math - the only person he could rely on was himself. He didn’t need anyone else judging him for this shit. 

He arrived home quickly, and noticed there weren’t any cars in the driveway. After he trudged inside and threw off his winter clothes, he collapsed on his bed upstairs and reluctantly went through his missed calls and messages. 

Two were from his grandma, the first kindly asking where he was, the second frustratedly informing him they were headed to church without him and that he had made them late to coffee hour. He winced. They would not be happy when they got home. Then there was one from his dad, bitching him out for staying out all night and for standing up his grandparents. TJ bit his lip and turned off his phone. 

Right now, all he could think about was Reed. He still was so shocked that his best friend could do something so… so reckless. He felt pissed and terrified and lonely and helpless and more than anything, TJ just wanted to be up there with him. 

He shot a new text to Lester, asking if there were any updates, despite having literally texted the other boy only 30 minutes prior. Dropping his phone on his chest, TJ squeezed his eyes shut. 

He lay there for some time, trying to push away all the nagging thoughts the dark corners of his mind were casting on him. 

_If only I wasn’t gone, if only I was with Reed, he’d be okay._

_If only I was a better son, if only I’d worked a little harder back in Westville, we wouldn’t even be here._

_If only I wasn’t such a disappointment, Mom would still be here with us._

_If only I could be honest with myself, I wouldn’t be shutting out Cyrus._

TJ groaned in frustration and stood up, heading to the shower. He let the water run as hot as he could handle, relishing the tingling feeling of the steaming thrum on his skin. He sat in there for a long time. The hot water ran out. His teeth started to chatter. 

He got out, quickly toweling himself dry and donning an old sweatshirt and jeans. He didn’t bother styling his hair. He avoided looking himself in the eye in the mirror.

As he exited the shower, he heard some commotion downstairs. Deciding to face the inevitable, he headed down, finding his grandparents sitting at the dinner table. 

His grandma looked at him first in surprise before pinning him with a frigid glare. “TJ, where on earth have you been? We waited on you all morning?”

TJ winced. “I am really sorry, Nana, I didn’t mean to miss. Something… personal, came up last night. My friend is… sick back in Westville.” Bullshit lie, but TJ wasn’t really on top of his game at the moment. 

His grandmother opened her mouth indignantly, probably about to lecture him, when the front door opened. His grandfather stood and moved to the hall. “Greg?” Ron spoke, muffled through the wall. 

TJ heard his dad mutter something, and then caught sight of him. He looked like shit, to be honest, like a different man than he'd been just yesterday. His hair was mussed, his clothes wrinkled, and his eyes bloodshot. 

“Jesus, Dad…” TJ couldn’t help but say. 

His father glared at him and swayed on the spot. “TJ, you had me worried sick this morning.” TJ would have been more concerned about his father’s words had it not been for the way they came out - almost unfocused, as though his dad was in another room. 

Linda spoke, “Greg, dear, are you feeling alright?”

He shook his head. “Long night. I met up with some of the guys at the bar back home, watched the game with them over a few.” _A few?_ TJ thought, noticing his dad’s eyes again and his instability. He started gnawing the inside of his cheek. “And then when I came back, to our place, to spend the night one more time before heading back this morning? They’d changed the locks. So I had to sleep in the goddamn car.” Greg moved past his father and into the kitchen, grabbing an Advil from the cabinet above the sink and throwing it back dry. “And to top it all off, you know who calls me this morning?” He looked directly at TJ. “Charles, who had the audacity to ask me about the car insurance for the van your mother fucking stole.” He walked out of the room. “Coward,” TJ heard him mutter as he pounded up the stairs. 

TJ’s heart clenched. He couldn’t believe his mom’s new boyfriend was in better contact with their family than she was. His phone, rife with unanswered messages to her, felt like burning hot coal in his hand.

Linda pursed her lips and smoothed her skirt primly. She glanced at TJ. “Well, TJ, please don’t make it a habit of skipping church. It’s a family occasion, and while you’re here, you will participate.”

TJ nodded numbly. “Okay, Nana. I’m gonna go up to my room, okay?”

She nodded in response. He moved to leave, brushing past his still silent grandfather, all the way to his small room upstairs. He could barely make out his father’s snoring in the other room. He narrowed his eyes, upset that his dad got drunk last night, upset that his father was projecting his anger on the rest of them all. 

TJ sat down on his bed and played with his phone for a moment. Finally, he turned it on and dialed his mom. 

The other end rang, rang, rang… and, as he should have expected, went to voicemail. His mom’s cheery voice rang out. His throat felt dry.

The message tone sounded, and TJ spoke. “Hey mom… I’m just calling… well, calling to hear from you. I don’t know if you’re not getting my messages or something but… I know that Charles called Dad today, which, if you’d talked to me about, I would have told you was pretty stupid. He’s pissed. But I guess he could have been more pissed if you’d called, so maybe it was the right decision. He’s still… well, going out. On weekends. Weekdays too, sometimes. I don’t know, mom, I just don’t know. I wish things were back to normal. Is that too much to ask?”

TJ paused, not sure where to go. Part of him wanted to scream at his mom, blame her for all the shit in his life. Another part wanted to beg her forgiveness, apologize for all the grief his literal existence has caused her, beg her to come back. 

He couldn’t stand to do either, so he shut his phone off. Maybe another day, he wouldn’t be such a coward. Not today. 

* * *

Cyrus was sitting on his couch in his basement. That morning, he’d awoken to find TJ gone, and most of his friends stirring awake as sunlight streamed in through the windows. They’d all slowly found their ways upright and helped Amber clean up a bit, before heading to their respective homes. Cyrus hitched a ride with Buffy and Marty and had been home ever since, trying and failing to work on his homework for Monday. 

His mind was stuck on something else. Or rather, someone. He just wanted to check in and see if TJ was okay. Jonah had mentioned that morning to Cyrus that the other boy had left earlier but hadn’t divulged much else. 

Cyrus bit his nails, focus zoning away from his essay on the French Revolution he’d barely started. He grabbed his phone, and set it back down. He couldn’t decide if texting TJ would be too much. 

He tried to focus on his paper again. His fingers flexed and paused on the keyboard, before clacking out slowly, “Of course, the French revolution happened to happen in France and - “ before groaning and literally slapping his own head. He skimmed the rest of his essay and found it to be steeped with similar bullshit and closed the entire program. He’d start again on it later. 

Grabbing his phone again, he shot out a quick text before he could think too hard on it. 

_Cyrus Goodman:_ Hey, what are you up to?

He waited a few minutes, staring at his phone, lost in thought. He was about to resign himself to the fact that TJ was ignoring him when his phone buzzed in his hand, making him jump. 

_TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : hey

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : not much

Cyrus bit his lip.

 _Cyrus Goodman_ : You doing okay today? I just wanted to check in w you

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : idk

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : it’s been a rough day

Cyrus watched the three dots indicating TJ was typing bubble for a few minutes. 

_TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : my friend might have… almost overdosed?? Idk what he was on but it wasn’t good

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : that’s why I was being so crazy 

_TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : sorry

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : i just wanted to tell you

Cyrus’ eyes widened like saucers. Shit. Okay. That was like… really serious. He furiously tapped out a reply.

 _Cryus Goodman:_ Oh my god TJ. I am so sorry. Is he okay? Are you okay?

This pause was longer. Cyrus almost thought TJ was going to leave him on read when TJ messaged back.

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : idk

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : i’m really scared, honestly

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : he’s my best friend

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : i think he is okay now. My other friend texted me this morning that he was doing okay and could go home tonight probably. He’s been keeping me updated today, so

 _Cyrus Goodman_ : I’m glad your other friend is letting you know what's going on. But still, that’s really serious. I hope you are holding up okay. 

_TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : why?

 _Cyrus Goodman:_ Why?

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : nvm

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : i’ll be okay

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : thanks for checking in

Cyrus could feel the other boy pulling away again. Realizing that this may just be the way it was going to be with TJ, navigating this push and pull of trust, he decided to let it go. 

_Cyrus Goodman_ : Of course, TJ. Hey, we still on to meet up in front of the school tomorrow? I can help you get set up in the office and at your locker. 

_TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : sure

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : thank you

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : really

 _TJ Kippen (scary-swingset-guy)_ : 7:45?

 _Cyrus Goodman:_ Perfect. See you then TJ. 

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a blur for TJ. He’d stayed in his room for most of it, receiving periodic check-ins from Lester on Reed’s improving condition. He was gonna get let out that night, according to Lester. TJ had asked him to have Reed call him, but Lester had let him know that might not be on the table with how pissed and worried Reed’s parents were. TJ understood, even if it made him feel even more disconnected. 

He’d also received a call from the children’s gym his grandfather had been talking about and set up a time the following weekend to head in and start training. That had been a slight reprieve from his whirring mind and gave him something he could actually look forward to. 

Then, Cyrus had texted him. That had been… interesting. TJ had ended up impulsively sharing more than he intended. But Cyrus was so kind. TJ didn’t deserve that kindness. Still, he made plans with the other boy to meet up the next day before classes started. The part of TJ not dragged underwater by the Reed situation, the Dad situation, the Mom situation, hell, just the TJ situation, that part of his mind wondered what interacting with Cyrus would be like at school. That part of him was nervous and excited and bubbling in the background. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my amazing reviewers for giving me the oomph to get this out sooner than later! the aftermath of the party I hope was interesting to read for you all. The next chapter starts their time together at Shadyside High and really starts to build on all the little things that have been being hinted at in these first chapters. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and if you're able please leave a review to let me know what you think! I appreciate your feedback so much! :))


	8. Chapter 8

TJ shivered as the cold bit through his jacket on his walk to school. He pulled it a bit tighter around his frame, shrugging his backpack higher on his shoulders. 

His fingers lightly brushed his phone in his pocket.  _ Maybe one more text… _ TJ chewed on the inside of his mouth. He’d been waiting for a response from Reed the whole day before, to no avail. The anxiety coiling in his gut was fierce and weighing him down. All he wanted was to hear from his friend. He didn’t know if it was Reed’s parents not letting him respond, or Reed not being up to it, or maybe something went horribly wrong - but if something had gone horribly wrong, Lester would have texted him, right? 

He drew his hand from his phone. He would just have to wait for when Reed was ready. 

That morning, he’d begrudgingly pulled himself out of bed, showered, changed, and packed his backpack for school. Coffee at the dining room table with his grandparents and father was stilted and awkward. His grandmother still seemed frustrated with him and was giving him the silent treatment, and his dad had been in the same funk ever since arriving back at home the day before. 

Whatever. TJ was kind of used to his dad’s mood swings at this point. Plus, he’d been holding up really well the last week or so up until the move. TJ shouldn’t be complaining. Things would hopefully start to get better once they really settled into Shadyside. And his dad was starting his new job today, and TJ hoped that would help, too. He really hoped. 

He saw the high school coming up on the hillside. There were groups of students beginning to mill the area. His gaze tightened, trying to catch a peek of Cyrus. 

His eyes settled on the boy in question rather quickly. Cyrus was chatting animatedly with Buffy and Andi near the bike racks, a hat with a massive puff-ball bouncing around on his head. TJ felt a smile warm his face. He headed that way. 

As he neared the group, Cyrus’ eyes caught him. He broke into a huge smile and waved frantically. “Hey, TJ, you found it!”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Cyrus, Shadyside is literally a speck of dust of a town. How could he get lost?”

Cyrus looked at her, indignant. “Hey, you are in the presence of a woefully directionless human being. Be kind.”

TJ smirked, feeling his insides settle a bit. Okay. Things were cool with Cyrus and his friends. They weren’t making things weird after his freak-out on Saturday. Good.

TJ shoved his hands in his pockets deeper and nudged Cyrus with his shoulder. “I’ve known you for like, two days. and honestly, I could see you getting lost all the time.” 

Andi side-eyed them both. “TJ, he literally gets lost here and he has lived here his entire life. I swear on Andi Shack, he got lost on his way to the Spoon a couple weeks ago.”

Cyrus rolled his eyes. “Lies, Andi, lies!” His face was tinged pink. TJ felt his own face flush a bit. He hadn’t seen Cyrus in person since they’d been skirting around their almost-kiss at Amber’s. He tried not to think about it. As much as it freaked him out, he hoped Cyrus and the group wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. 

“So!” Cyrus clapped his hands dramatically. “Tour time. We have a jam-packed schedule, TJ.” 

TJ rolled his eyes affectionately and saddled up next to Cyrus, their shoulders brushing again. “Lead the way, Goodman.”

\----

TJ rested his head on his hand, feeling that familiar sense of helplessness gripping his chest. 

Fuck. Math. 

The day had honestly been going alright at the start. Cyrus had led him on a very thorough (and thoroughly entertaining) tour of the school, and the fact that he already knew some people made the wide eyes accosting him everywhere he went a bit more bearable. 

His first class was American Lit, which he loved. TJ was such a bookworm growing up, and though he’d been too busy in recent years to read often for pleasure, he loved English classes in school. Then World History, another class TJ was a huge fan of. And, thank god, no teacher made him introduce himself at the start of class. Things were going okay. 

Then, his period before lunch was... Algebra. 

He should have been better prepared for this. Hell, his dad had warned him. Shadyside’s school system was a bit more  _ with it  _ than TJ’s old school district, and if he was struggling with math last semester, this class? This class was going to be impossible. 

TJ squinted at the chalkboard as his teacher continued zooming through the material. The writing on the board swam in front of his eyes. TJ felt his frustration mounting. He gripped his pencil in his fist and willed his brain to cooperate. His mind whirred as he tried to focus on the problem at hand. He flickered his gaze from the board to his paper, back and forth, tentatively scratching some work down before sighing in defeat, letting his pencil clatter on his desk. 

The math teacher, Mr. C., perked up at the noise and honed in on TJ instantly. “Everything alright, Mr. Kippen?” 

Everyone swiveled in their chairs to stare at him. TJ felt their eyes burning holes in his skin. Great. He bet that the new kid getting called out in math today would be the highlight of their stupid week. He plastered that old, familiar smirk on his face and rolled his eyes. “Nothing, sir.”

Mr. C. did not seem to take kindly to TJ’s shift in attitude. He stiffened and raised his eyebrows. “Well, if nothing is the matter, Mr. Kippen, would you care to walk us through number 34?”

TJ’s heart seized. He felt his walls crumble a bit as everyone around him stirred at the tension in the room. 

He narrowed his eyes and glared to the side, not wanting to look Mr. C. in the eyes. “Um, nah, I’m good,” he muttered, thankful his voice shook a lot less than he expected it to. 

Mr. C. puffed his chest out. “Mr. Kippen, I don’t know what your old school was like, but when you are called on in class here, you are expected to answer.” He seemed to soften a bit. “Even if you don’t know the answer, that’s fine. We can figure it out together.”

TJ felt so frustrated. He wanted to say, _“Well, the thing is, Mr. C., I never know the answer. Haven’t, as long as I can remember. I have been cheating and fudging through these bullshit classes for years, and your upbeat, hopeful attitude isn’t going to change anything._ ” The softer part of him wanted to say, _“Something is wrong with me. I don’t know what it is. I’m broken, wires crossed wrong or something. I’m too damn scared to ask for help.”_

Instead, TJ scoffed, and averted his gaze. “Well, thanks for the illuminating advice, but like I said before, I’ll pass.” He regretted the words as soon as they came out. He didn’t know why he let himself get so worked up like this. He didn’t want to be this guy anymore. 

Before Mr. C. could formulate a response, TJ messily grabbed his books, his papers, his pencil, and stalked out of the room. He ignored the gasps and whispers and Mr. C.’s voice as he slammed the door shut behind him, walking briskly down the hall. 

Once he had turned the corner to a new hallway, he finally paused and leaned up against the lockers, letting his head fall back and looking up at the ceiling. 

_ Way to go. Way to fucking go,  _ TJ berated himself.  _ You literally couldn’t make it through three class periods without fucking everything up. Gotta be a record.  _

Suddenly, TJ heard a tinny voice ring out over the loudspeaker. 

* * *

“TJ Kippen to the principal’s office, please. TJ Kippen to the principal’s office.”

Cyrus’ stomach turned a little. He looked up from his notebook, tuning out from his AP Chemistry lecture for a second. He glanced sideways at Andi, who looked curiously back at him, notes forgotten in front of her.  Whispering at him as their teacher continued lecturing, Andi said, “What do you think that was about?”

Cyrus shrugged. “Beats me, maybe they forgot something he needed to know for his first day.” Part of him wanted to believe that, but he couldn’t ignore a pit forming in his stomach. 

* * *

TJ somehow made his way to the principal’s office without getting too lost. He’d had to check in there that morning to get his locker information and his schedule, so it wasn’t totally new. He slumped into one of the chairs in the main office, avoiding the secretary’s nosy eyes. 

He waited for a few minutes before he heard a door slip open behind him. He looked up, catching sight of the principal, Dr. Metcalf. He was a slight man, with frosty greying hair and piercing eyes. He smiled coolly and beckoned TJ in. 

TJ followed the man into his office and sat in the cold chair opposite his desk. Dr. Metcalf steepled his fingers, leaning forward and regarding TJ with a calculating stare. TJ shifted uncomfortably. 

Finally, he spoke. “First day not going too hot, hm?”

TJ resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead shrugging and looking out the window behind the principal. He said nothing. 

Dr. Metcalf continued. “Mr. Kippen… I can imagine you are going through a lot right now. Switching schools in high school, especially halfway through the year, is a lot to handle. I understand that this must be an especially stressful time for you.”

TJ bit his lip. He felt his heart start to thud faster, quiet contempt rolling off of him in waves. This guy had no right to tell TJ he “understood”  _ anything _ about him. 

Dr. Metcalf plowed on. “But the thing you have to understand is, at Grant, we expect you to behave with a certain degree of… decorum. You are here to learn, along with everyone else, and we can’t have you creating distractions for your peers, okay?”

TJ nodded icily. 

Dr. Metcalf sighed. “Okay… I’m going to let you off with a warning this time. But next time, I won’t go so easy on you, okay?”

TJ shrugged. Part of him was happy he wasn’t getting into any actual trouble; the self-destructive side of him kind of wished he had. He needed a reason to get pissed off today. 

Dr. Metcalf softened. “I hold a great deal of respect for your cousin, TJ.” TJ’s ears perked a small bit at that. “She has done a lot of great work here.” He leveled with TJ, leaning forward even more. “Let her help you, okay?”

TJ stayed silent, nodding slightly and shifting further back in his seat. 

Dr. Metcalf sighed. “Alright, Mr. Kippen, you are free to go.” He waved his hand at the door and shifted his attention to the papers on his desk. TJ stood quickly and stalked out of the room, just as the lunch bell rang. 

Out of habit, he hurried to the vending machines he’d seen at the entrance to the school and picked some change out of the return pockets for lunch. He hadn’t wanted to deal with his dad that morning over lunch money and was extremely short on cash himself since the move. He snagged some quarters and hoped he could find something decent in the cafeteria. 

He headed towards where Cyrus had told him lunch was held. He checked his phone quickly, huffing out a frustrated breath when he saw he had no new messages. He hastily typed out a new text to Reed, still fuming over the last hour.

wtfdoesTJstandfor: what’s with the silent treatment? That’s pretty petty even for you

He regretted it as soon as he sent it. He stopped in his tracks, fingers skimming over his screen. He slowly typed out a different message. 

wtfdoesTJstandfor: hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like such a dick. Just worried man. Text me when you can okay?

He pocketed his phone and rubbed his face. The other students roaming the halls were brushing past him in greater numbers now as everyone started to make their way toward the cafeteria. TJ followed them, trying to ignore the stares he received from pretty much the entire crowd. 

He finally found the cafeteria and entered the lunch line. The 9 quarters he’d snagged jingled in his pocket. He eyed the price listings on the meal items as he waited his turn. He soon realized that everything was over $4 and cursed under his breath. He turned and left the line quickly. He didn’t have to eat that day, whatever. Not the first time that had happened. 

His eyes scanned the crowd for Cyrus, Amber, anyone he knew so he didn’t have to keep feeling everyone staring at his back. Finally, he spotted Cyrus, Andi, Buffy, Marty, and Jonah at a table in the far back of the room. He jogged over, weaving between tables, desperate for some familiar faces. 

Cyrus perked up as he noticed him arrive. “TJ!” He shuffled sideways to make room. TJ accepted the space gratefully, feeling his heartbeat start to go down a bit. 

“Hey, man, thanks.” TJ said, looking around at the group. They were all looking at him with expectant eyes.

Cyrus nodded. “No problem! Hey, everything alright? We heard the announcement earlier.”

Ah, that’s why they were looking at him like that. TJ looked up and bit his lip, then at Cyrus. “Oh, that was nothing.”

Cyrus nodded, not looking very convinced, but dropped it. TJ was grateful. He didn’t want everyone at this school to think he was a complete psycho. 

Andi was on her phone, Buffy peering over her shoulder, Marty peering over her shoulder trying to catch a glimpse as well. Andi noticed, and elbowed Buffy. “Hey, pry much?”

Buffy groaned. “Fuck, Andi, your elbows are too bony to be used as weapons, we’ve discussed this before! And I’m just curious who's got you smiling like that, is all!” 

Andi blushed. “No one,” she squeaked. She and Buffy started bickering, Buffy trying to steal her phone, and Andi trying to assure Buffy that it was, in fact, no one. 

Jonah leaned over then towards Cyrus. “How has your day been going, Cy-Guy?” Even as he asked, his eyes flickered to TJ. TJ gulped. This was the kid from Amber’s bedroom, from the… well, whatever. TJ did his best to ignore the other boy’s glancing eyes, tuning into Cyrus instead. 

“Oh, same old. APUSH was hell, AP Chem was hell, Journalism was fun, as always.” Cyrus rattled off. He took a bite of his muffin. “Buffy was talking my ear off the whole time though about tryouts on Wednesday.” Cyrus squeaked and glared at Buffy, who TJ presumed had kicked him under the table given the way he started rubbing his shin. “What, you were!”

Buffy scoffed. “Excuse me for giving a shit about the most important sport in my life!”

Cyrus nodded. “A tad dramatic, Buffy, don’t you think?”

Buffy groaned. “I’m just nervous, I don’t want to fuck up Wednesday. I have a lot riding on this. If I make captain this year, then I’m set up to be first on the recruiters' lists next year, first to be considered for MVP this year, and I can finally shove it up Dean’s ass that I beat his bigoted ass at his own game.”

TJ glanced at Cyrus. Marty jumped in to explain. “Dean is this asshole in our class.” He turned his attention to Buffy. “Don’t waste your time on him. He is literally so irrelevant.”

Buffy muttered, “Irrelevant to you because you don’t have to deal with the comments he and his cronies make each practice.” 

They looked at each other, an unspoken conversation seeming to transpire before Marty conceded. “Still. Not worth it.” He turned his attention to TJ. “You trying out Teej?” 

TJ stirred, not expecting the attention to be cast on him so quickly. “Um, maybe, yeah. Tryouts are Wednesday, right?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah! Hey, if you want to shoot some hoops after school today, I’ll be in the gym for a couple of hours. I know you said it’s been a while since you’ve played.”

TJ nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. “Yeah, that’d be nice, thanks.”

Cyrus spoke. “Cool, I’ll be there doing homework while you rehearse!”

“It’s called practice when it’s sports, Cyrus.” Buffy laughed. 

“And I’m supposed to remember that how?” Cyrus mocked back. 

TJ smiled at the back and forth, zeroing in on Cyrus’ face. He always looked so bright, so happy, so warm and kind and excited. TJ honestly felt jealous. He never felt the way Cyrus always seemed. 

Suddenly, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He grabbed it and looked at the screen, heart speeding up as he realized that it was a text from Reed. He hastily swiped it open. 

reedabookortwoidiot: brave words coming from the “friend” who ratted me out. You have no idea how much trouble I’m in because of you. Fuck you TJ. Don’t text me again, I’m done with your sorry ass

TJ felt his body go cold. 

He reread the message, as though willing himself to have read it wrong. Nope. 

He read it again. Maybe he really was self-destructive. He just felt the dagger of each word pierce further and further. 

He put his phone down numbly. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t stand to think that Reed was giving up on him, just like that. And for what? Fucking saving his life? TJ’s jaw clenched. The fire in his heart grew, fanned on by those words from Reed flashing in his mind. 

“TJ?”

He snapped out of it. He noticed that Cyrus’ eyes were on him. He swallowed and put his phone away. He couldn’t let them see him upset again, not after this last weekend. He needed to act like a normal fucking person for once. “Yeah?”

Cyrus looked uneasy. “Everything okay? You got quiet there.” His eyes flicked to TJ’s white-knuckled grip on his phone. 

TJ took a breath and tried to relax his body, slipping his phone back in his pocket. “It’s nothing.” He turned his attention back to the conversation. Cyrus seemed unconvinced but joined back in as well. 

All the while, TJ felt his heart breaking in his chest. He didn’t know why those words were hurting him so badly, how Reed always managed to make him so upset. 

Whatever. He’d have to get over it. He was here, now, after all. And if Reed didn’t want anything to do with him now, well, maybe that was for the best. 

He could try to convince himself that, at least. Maybe one day he’d believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Sorry for the wait, this last week was nuts! But here we are! I hope you all enjoy. Next chapter has some more math + basketball drama + maaaaybe some heart to hearts. (You'll just have to stay tuned!) Please comment and let me know what you think so far, I appreciate it so much!


	9. Chapter 9

Cyrus gulped. 

Okay. He’d been trying to ignore these burgeoning flutters in his stomach since meeting TJ. And he’d been doing an… okay job, so far. During his tour with TJ that morning before his first day of classes, sitting next to him during lunch - Cyrus had yet to truly put his foot in his mouth. So when he told TJ and Buffy he’d sit in the stands and do homework while they played after class, he convinced himself it’d be fine. He’d be fine. 

…

Cyrus was so not fine. 

He couldn’t help it. Apparently, his friends were right, as much as he tried to refute it. 

He did have a type. 

He watched as Buffy and TJ bounced back and forth across the court. TJ was in frayed gym shorts and a cut tee, skin glistening with sweat, his muscular arms and back rippling with each movement. His eyes were dark and determined in a way Cyrus hadn’t seen before. 

Oh, and he was good. Like, really good. 

Like BUFFY good.

And Buffy honestly seemed kind of pissed about that. 

Buffy was starting to glare at TJ as their drills progressed. Every time he made a shot, snagged the ball from her hands, her eyes tightened. Right now, as far as Cyrus could tell, she was giving it everything she had and barely beating TJ in the one-on-one they were now playing. 

She had possession of the ball and was dribbling it with a fury, eyes dashing around TJ, looking for a way past him. TJ was equally focused, something firing deep within him it seemed. It was almost like he was taking some kind of frustration out on the ball in front of him. Cyrus wondered if TJ was lying when he said everything was alright earlier. 

Just then, TJ snagged the ball roughly from Buffy, sliding past her and making a three-pointer with ease. Cyrus winced. TJ was a bit of an aggressive player. Maybe that was what things were like back at his old school. 

Buffy was seeing red now. She got the ball back, eyes leveling with him as she dribbled with a cold focus. Suddenly, she shot past his right side, turning on the spot and avoiding his block as she prepped for her shot. The ball sailed smoothly from her fingertips and through the net.

Cyrus figured she won by the way she smirked and cheered. He watched as TJ’s shoulders slumped a bit as he walked up to Buffy. She smiled tightly at him and clapped her hand on his shoulder. “Good game, Kippen.”

TJ chuckled. “Yeah, right. I am so out of shape, it’s stupid.”

Cyrus could almost hear Buffy’s thoughts. He could tell she was a bit worried, even though she would never admit it. If she just barely beat TJ when he was claiming to be “so out of shape” then what did that mean for the season? For the team? For her spot at team captain? Cyrus loved Buffy like family, but he knew how competitive she was. And seeing TJ on the court today seemed to indicate that he was just as competitive. 

He decided to jump in then, not wanting any unnecessary tension to arise between the two. “Bravo, friends. Great game! There was a lot of throwing and making it in the net, so I am assuming you were both doing well!”

TJ’s eyes flashed to meet Cyrus’ and he could see the taller boy relax a bit as he chuckled. Buffy rolled her eyes at her best friend and jogged over to him. “Yeah, Kippen’s not bad.” She headed toward the girls’ locker room, turning around as she pushed the door open. “Still kicked your ass though!” she called back to TJ. 

TJ rolled his eyes and sat down on the bench, wiping his hand across his sweaty forehead. Cyrus sat beside him, feeling his heart flutter as he got closer to the other boy. 

TJ stretched his arms in front of him, picked up his water bottle, and chugged a few gulps. “Holy hell, Slayer kicked my ass,” he laughed as he capped it again.

Cyrus laughed. “To give you some credit, you kicked her ass more than anyone on the team has in a long while.”

TJ perked up at that. “For real? That compliment will help get me through my wrecked muscles tomorrow.” He stood up and stretched his back. 

Cyrus swallowed hard, trying not to stare as TJ’s tee rode up his stomach to reveal a small expanse of smooth skin. His face heated up and Cyrus stood abruptly. “Yeah, um, yeah, so… you gonna try out Wednesday?” 

TJ shrugged. “Maybe. We’ll see.” Cyrus could tell he was trying to play it off as mild interest, but he also saw the way he played just then. When TJ was on the court, it seemed like… home to him. 

Cyrus decided to press. “You said you haven’t played in a while - why not?”

TJ tensed and avoided Cyrus’ gaze. “Lots of reasons. Couldn’t afford the travel team last summer, and didn’t have the time anyway. And I couldn’t go to the open gyms this Fall.”

Cyrus’ heart lifted. This was progress. TJ was opening up a bit more with him. Cyrus continued to push his luck. “Why not?”

TJ bit his lip. “Because I’m stupid and suck at school. Academic probation. My math grade dropped too low.”

Cyrus furrowed his brow. “TJ.”

The other boy glanced at Cyrus. “Yeah?”

Cyrus softened, scooting closer to TJ. “You’re not stupid, why would you say that?”

TJ scoffed. “If you had my brain - you’d disagree.” 

They sat in silence for a moment. Cyrus eyed the other boy, trying to decide if he should keep pushing. He decided not to, instead switching to something that had been weighing on his mind all day. “Hey, did your friend end up okay?”

TJ chuckled darkly and kicked at the ground with his sneaker. “Yep. Wants nothing to do with me now, but yep.”

Cyrus was shocked. “Wait, what? Why?”

TJ bit the inside of his mouth (something Cyrus was noticing as a nervous habit) and looked up at the ceiling. Then he shrugged and started walking towards the door. “I’ve got to get home and help my Grandma with some shopping before dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Cyrus stood, watching TJ as he moved to leave the gymnasium. “Okay,” Cyrus said in a small voice. He turned to grab his homework supplies and wait for Buffy in the stands. Suddenly, TJ’s voice rang out across the echoing room. 

“Thanks for cheering us on, Cy. It helped.”

Cyrus whipped his head to look as TJ smiled from the doorway. He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head. “You were worth cheering on.”

TJ stayed there a moment, looking deeply at Cyrus, before turning around and leaving the room. 

Cyrus huffed out a breath and collapsed on the bench behind him, rubbing his face with his hands. 

“Jesus Christ, Cyrus.”

Cyrus shot up and looked to the other side of the room. Buffy was approaching him, freshly changed and ready to head out. “What, Buffy?”

She smirked at him and teasingly clasped her hands together, scrunching her face up and looking up. “Oh Tj! You were soooo amazing out there!” “No, YOU’RE the amazing one Cyrus!” She snagged her bag and glanced over her shoulder as she headed for the exit. “Smooth, Cyrus, smooth.”

Cyrus blushed furiously and grabbed his things, hurrying to follow her. “You are so reading into things, Buffy.”

“Mhm, sure I am.”

“Seriously, it’s not like that.”

“If you say so.”

“Buffy!” he whined.

“Cyrus!” she teased back.

“We were just talking about math class. And basketball.  _ Very  _ hetero.”

Buffy stopped walking and quirked an eyebrow at him. “Oh shit, did you hear what happened in math with Mr. C. today?”

Cyrus shook his head. 

Buffy sighed. “Apparently TJ stormed out of the room after Mr. C. called him out on something.” Buffy furrowed her brows. “Is something up with him?”

Cyrus frowned. THAT explained the announcement from third period. “I don’t know… I mean, yes, I think. I just don’t know everything.”

Buffy looked at him deeply. “Cyrus… he can’t be one of your fixer-uppers.”

Cyrus side-eyed her, mouth gaping, bewildered. “Buffy, I don’t… fixer-upper… people.”

She smirked. “Amber?”

Cyrus shook his head in protest. “And look now! She is one of our best friends! Just because I saw that there was a nice person under her middle school insecurities doesn’t mean I have any kind of ulterior motives in helping people.”

Buffy shook her head. “No, Cy, that’s where you’re wrong. Look, I love you, but you do kind of have a guardian angel complex. You like to help people, that’s great. But you can’t just look at them as projects. That’s not fair to them or to you. Plus, sometimes, a  _ lot  _ of times, you end up getting hurt.” She looked at him pointedly. 

Cyrus paused, and then spoke in a small voice. “Buffy. It’s not like that with him. I promise. I just… I don’t know. I feel like I’ve just gotta be there. In his life. I don’t know why. I just feel it.” He looked up at her. “Please trust me?”

Buffy looked at him for a moment, and then shrugged and headed towards the door again. “Okay, okay, fine. I trust you. But still - I’d be careful with him if I were you. I mean, sure, he seems nice. I just don’t want anyone messing with you.” 

Cyrus chuckled, following her out. “Yeah, okay mom.” But as he walked, his gut was churning a bit.

He didn’t have a habit of trying to…  _ fix _ people, did he? 

Okay. Maybe he did. But was that such a bad thing? Probably not the best thing in the world, but not the worst either. 

He knew one thing for sure though, he wasn’t just trying to  _ fix _ TJ. He wanted to get to know him, really. And to be honest, he didn’t know why. He just did. 

* * *

“Thelonious! Get your ass over here!”

TJ rolled his eyes as he saw Amber pull up beside him as he was leaving the school after drills with Buffy. “What are you still doing here?”

She popped the gum in her mouth and patted the passenger seat. “Dance rehearsal. Here, get in.”

TJ frowned. “I’m supposed to grab some groceries for home. I need to stop back and grab some money and - ”

“I’ve got you, don’t worry. We can go to the store, I’ll give you a lift.” She patted the passenger seat again. “Please? I wanna catch up with you! Just us.”

TJ weighed his options. A ride would be nice - he’d been planning on walking to the grocery store, since his dad had the car for work. Plus it meant less interacting with his grandparents, who were still pissed at him. He nodded. “Okay, sure.” TJ hopped into the car, smiling as Amber cheered and zoomed away from the curb, heading toward the grocery store. 

“So… how was the first day?” Amber poked him in his side.

He grunted noncommittally. “Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Just fine.”

“...that’s not what Metcalf said.”

“God, Amber…”

“What! I happened to pass him in the hall today and - ”

“I don’t know why he’s making it your business.” TJ huffed, looking out the window. 

“Fine, whatever. Ignore me.” Amber muttered bitterly. 

They rode in silence for a bit. TJ kept his gaze firmly on the road outside. He didn’t mean to snap at Amber. He just really did not want to deal with everything right now. He wanted to forget that ever happened and move on. He felt the embarrassment from earlier reigniting in his gut. Breathing out slowly, he rolled down the window and gently rested his head against the door, feeling the cold air nip at his cheeks. 

“Remember that one Christmas at my place when we were kids?” Amber asked quietly.

Fuzzy-edged memories swam in his mind. TJ cracked a wistful smile. “How could I ever forget? Nana and Papa were so pissed that your parents insisted on hosting, because they used to host every year and your parents usurped it."

“Yeah, my parents were so smug. They decked out the whole house with those cheesy flashing lights.”

“And my dad brought that keg of really nice beer that Reed’s dad gifted him.” TJ’s heart tugged at the thought of Reed. 

“And it tasted so awful! They all just got drunk off Smirnoff.” 

“And we snuck out and went sledding with your neighbors.” TJ shook his head, smiling ruefully. “God, Nana and Papa were pissed.” 

“Yeah, their kids didn’t really grow up to fit the mold they wanted, I think.” Amber joked darkly.

TJ paused. “That’s why we stopped coming to visit, you know. Apparently Nana and Papa hate my mom. Have, for some time.”

Amber was quiet. “I know,” she said in a small voice. “My parents talk about it.”

“They think she corrupted my dad, back in high school, with the band, and then when she got pregnant at 17, and he was only 19…”

“I know.” Amber said, glancing at TJ with wide eyes. “It’s bullshit,” she added. 

TJ shrugged. “Maybe not. I mean, I don’t think they should blame her for everything wrong with my family, but I mean, why am I even defending her. She up and left and hasn’t responded to anything I have sent her in weeks. It’s like I never existed to her, now.” TJ choked that last bit out, looking further out the window. “Sometimes, I think even I hate her.”

Amber stayed silent. They rode like that for some time, TJ fiddling with his phone in his hands, Amber casting glances at him from the driver’s seat. Finally, they arrived at the grocery store. Amber put the car into park. TJ lifted his head up and closed the window, turning to look at her. 

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t know you haven’t heard from her…”

TJ shrugged, slouching into his seat. “It doesn’t really matter I guess. I’m here now. She made her choice.”

“Has your dad been okay?”

“Drinking a lot.”

“More than usual?”

“More than usual.”

“Shit…” Amber said. 

TJ sat up straighter and grabbed his backpack from where it was tucked between his feet. He hugged it close to his chest. “Don’t worry about it. Things will be better here.” 

Amber nodded slowly. 

They were silent for a bit again. TJ jumped at the opportunity to change the subject. “So, Andi seems nice.”

Amber’s eyes bugged out, and her mouth dropped open, clearly not expecting the focus to shift to her. She snapped her mouth shut and sat silent for a moment, before sighing and rubbing her face, “I know, TJ.”

“What’s going on between you two?” TJ asked innocently. 

Amber snapped her eyes to him. “Nothing.”

He hummed to himself. “Didn’t seem like nothing at that party…” he murmured. 

Amber grumbled. “That was… nothing. I mean, okay, we've been texting like every day... but Andi isn’t gay. She dated Jonah for like 3 years.”

“Whoa, really?” TJ realized he didn’t know that. “Wait, explain the relationships in the group of people I have met so far.”

Amber chuckled. “Nosy much? Okay. So. There’s Marty and Buffy - ”

“ - knew that.”

“And then there used to be Andi and Jonah, they literally _just_ split up.”

“Whoa, they seem pretty chill for having just broken up.”

“Yeah, you just missed all the drama with that one. Be glad that’s over.” She tapped her chin. “I think that’s it. Me, Cyrus, Walker, Iris, and Libby are all single, too.”

TJ nodded, looking at his lap. “But Cyrus and Iris… um, they used to date?”

Amber side-eyed him. “Yeah, in like Middle School. That ship has sailed. Middle school is ancient history. Jonah and I dated for like 2 months in middle school.”

TJ shot a glance at her. “Seriously?”

Amber nodded, eyes clouding at the memory. “Ohhhhh yeah. I was so into him in Middle School. Also, I was kind of a bitch, before Cyrus initiated me into the friend group.”

“I remember,” TJ joked. 

Amber elbowed him. “Shut the fuck up.” She smiled softly. “He dumped me because he had eyes for Andi, actually. Crazy how things work out.”

TJ glanced at her. “Wait, you dated Jonah... but… you’re a lesbian.”

“No shit Sherlock.”

“No, I mean, why’d you date him then?”

Amber bit her lip and looked TJ in the eye. “I don’t know. Stupid teenage girl insecurities? Being gay is really confusing, growing up with all straight people.” She fiddled with her hair again. “Sometimes… sometimes I wonder if I was into him BECAUSE of Andi. Because maybe, without realizing it, I was trying to make her jealous, you know?” She smirked, but her eyes were mirthless. “Ah well. I just need to get over her. I’ll be in college next year, I bet I’ll meet a ton of other hot, nice, funny, artsy girls there.”

TJ nodded slowly, mulling everything she was saying. He felt his heart tighten in his chest. “Reed isn’t talking to me,” he admitted. “He got like, really high the night of your party, and I made Lester call 911. He blames me for it.”

Amber looked at him with wide eyes. “Shit. That sucks. He wasn’t the best influence on you though, TJ.”

He scoffed. “I guess. I just… I miss him.” He felt his stomach flip again. 

Amber stared at him a long time. He felt a bit uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Finally, she said, “You used to talk about him all the time when we were kids. I feel like I’ve met him, you talked about him so much. But I haven’t, actually. Not in person.” She picked at her nails. “Do you… Do you - “

“Amber, I don’t know where you’re going with that, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” TJ bit his lip. 

“You can talk to me, you know that right?” Amber almost pleaded. 

TJ continued gnawing at his lip. “Amber, I know. I just… I’m not… I can’t…” he trailed off. Because that’s all he knew to say at that point. 

Amber conceded. “That’s okay, TJ.”

The air was buzzing with unanswered questions, floating feelings, all weighing heavy on their shoulders. They lingered in that space for a moment, both occupied by their own thoughts. 

TJ was the one to break it. “Groceries?” he jerked his thumb to the forgotten store glowing in the near distance. 

Amber took a deep breath before smiling at him, decking him in the side of the head in that way she always did. “Groceries.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! I am really happy with this chapter, I hope you are too! I wanted to say, writing this has been so therapeutic. I have been trying to figure out why, and I think it is because I am processing my own journey to come out, and that all helps me relate to where TJ is right now. Like, I have queer friends, and have had them for some time, people who figured out their sexuality in middle school. I feel like a late bloomer and it has been hard to figure out. But writing this has been my safe haven. Anyway, I would love if you all left me a review to let me know what you think so far! <333 I want to post again tomorrow night, hopefully!


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of TJ’s first week at Grant passed by in a blur. He woke up early each morning and went for a jog around the neighborhood, chugged some coffee and ate breakfast with his grandparents, then headed to school as his dad left for work.

TJ was cautiously optimistic about how his dad’s new job was going. Greg came home each night tired, but seeming to be in a good mood. And while he did spend some time each night with a few beers and the television in the living room, it was nothing like before the move, when TJ came home in the evenings to find his dad passed out in the armchair, empty liquor bottles scattered around him.

Classes were going alright, too. He actually enjoyed his schedule for the most part. And math had been blissfully uneventful since Monday. After his outburst that first day, he had been adamant about going unnoticed in that class, occupying the furthest back desk and getting in and out as soon as he could. The material was still killing him, but, you know, whatever. He’d made it this far, he could manipulate his way through one and a half more years. 

He sat with Cyrus and Amber’s friends during lunch, slowly getting to know everyone a bit more. He never dreamed it would be possible, but he actually thought he was getting along okay with everyone. He and Andi hadn’t spoken much, but she seemed sweet (he could tell why Amber liked her). She also had a crazy rich backstory, something they told him on his second day of classes, much to his entertainment. Then there was Buffy, and by extension, Marty. TJ felt comfortable keeping up with them both in terms of snarky banter. Sometimes, there was a competitive tension between him and Slayer, but they bonded over basketball enough that it wasn’t much of an issue. Lastly, there was Jonah, someone TJ quickly realized was as caring as he was oblivious. TJ could tell he was a good guy (if a little _too_ obsessed with ultimate frisbee). 

Basketball tryouts happened after school that Wednesday. Since practicing with Buffy on Monday, he’d been anxiously awaiting getting to take a shot at varsity that week. He showed up Wednesday, stomach lurching, feeling everyone’s eyes on him (oh, the joys of being the new kid). He immediately felt like he had something to prove. The basketball coach got them started with some drills, and TJ kicked into the highest gear he could. As tryouts progressed, he noticed more and more eyes locking back onto him, this time for a totally different reason. He felt that familiar, comfortable confidence he associated with basketball wash over him again. They were staring because he was _good._

By the end, his body was screaming (not surprising considering the couple months of disuse it endured) but he knew it was worth it. Hot, sweaty, but happy, he collapsed onto the benches next to Buffy, who reluctantly told him he’d done alright (then promptly threatened his livelihood if he somehow got in the way of her chances of making captain). 

TJ just smirked. He felt good. Better about himself than he had in a long time. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the sport until that week. 

Results were posted the next day. TJ, Buffy, and Marty approached the bulletin board in trepidation. Marty was the first to find his name, whooping loudly. Apparently, he hadn’t been on varsity yet, and had been working really hard with Buffy the last couple of weeks in an effort to move up from JV. TJ clapped his shoulder excitedly as he scooted closer, peering and trying to find his name.

Buffy saw her name next, jumping high into the air and cheering with abandon. TJ approached the board, seeing why she was celebrating so much. Typed in clean, bold letters next to her name was the word “captain.” 

His eyes scanned downwards for his name. Finally, he settled on it. His heart thumped with excitement as he confirmed that he had indeed made varsity. It was then that he noticed another detail - printed next to his name in that same bold font were the words, “Assistant Captain.” His mouth dropped open in shock. He couldn’t believe how that was possible, after having only been at Grant for such a short amount of time. As he relayed the news to the others, they all cheered and thumped his back with enthusiastic congratulations. He felt warm all over. 

Then, there were his evenings. Because basketball practices started next Monday, he often spent time after school working out with Buffy and Marty, or studying with Cyrus and Andi, or even driving around town running errands with Amber. Though he still felt a curl of sadness in his stomach any time he thought about his old home, or his mom, or Reed, he was doing an okay job of ignoring it.

As the bell rang at the end of the day on Friday, TJ felt genuinely happy. He snapped his locker shut and slung his backpack over one shoulder. He was heading toward the front exit when Cyrus sidled up next to him, that signature dopey smile on his face. 

“TJ, my man!” 

TJ chuckled at Cyrus’ animated greeting. He bumped his shoulder against the other boy. “Hey Cyrus, what’s up?”

Cyrus’ cheeks tinged pinker. “Not much! My APUSH test actually went alright, thank god.” He paused a moment. “So, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this weekend?”

TJ grinned. “Yeah, I’d love to!” He bit his lip, remembering he started up at the children’s gym that weekend. “I work all day Saturday and Sunday day, though. I’ll be off at 6 PM?”

Cyrus clapped his hands together. “Oh, that’s perfect! Wanna come over Saturday? You can eat dinner with my family and then maybe we can have a movie night or something?”

TJ nodded. “Yeah, that’d work!”

Cyrus beamed. “Amazing, I’ll text you my address, okay?”

They said goodbye and parted ways in the hall. As TJ neared the front entrance to the school, he ran into Amber, who was hanging posters with Libby. He remembered something his grandparents had mentioned to him that morning. “Hey Amber, question.”

“Shoot,” Amber said, focused on stapling their GSA meeting poster to the bulletin board in front of her. 

“When do your parents get back from visiting your dad’s mom again?”

“Next weekend, why?”

TJ winced. “Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Nana and Papa are insisting you all come over for a family dinner.”

Amber groaned. “And I’ve done such a good job of trying to avoid them until now… Any way I can make an excuse to get out of it?”

TJ shrugged. “I mean, you can try, but they seem pretty adamant.”

Amber was quiet, slamming her stapler against the board out of frustration. “Fine.”

“Fine?”

“I’ll go. I’ll let my parents know.” 

TJ patted her shoulder, feeling a little guilty for springing this on her. Suddenly, a voice rang out behind him in the thinning hallway. “Aye, dyke! You got plans for this weekend? Because I’d love to hit that and help you get past this lesbo phase.” TJ whipped his head around, catching sight of a couple of giggling teenage boys, one of which TJ recognized from basketball tryouts. 

Dean. 

Buffy and Marty had warned TJ about him, told him he was a prick. Seems like she was right and then some. TJ’s gut coiled in hot rage. 

“Oh, fuck off, Dean,” Amber muttered, flipping him off without even moving her eyes from the poster she was hanging. 

Dean scoffed. He brushed his swinging, Bieber brown hair and strode up to Amber. He glanced at the poster she was putting up and smirked. His meaty hand reached up and ripped it down in one motion. 

“Don’t need this shit polluting our halls.” 

TJ saw red, feeling his rage brim over the edges. He walked up to Dean, pleased that he was a bit taller than the other boy, and towered over him. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Dean faltered for a split second before puffing his chest out and pushing TJ back. “Who the fuck are _you?_ ”

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you shut your stupid trap and get out of here.” TJ stuck his finger in Dean’s chest.

Dean chuckled. “Oh, sorry, you don’t want me calling out this bitch for what she is?”

TJ felt Amber’s hand on his shoulder. “TJ, he is so not worth it. He’s not worth anything. Just drop it.”

Dean eyed between the two. “Wow Amber, what a cute little white knight you have here.” He turned his attention to TJ. 

TJ stayed quiet, continuing to glare at the other boy. His fingers curled into firsts.

“You one of her little queer club kids?”

TJ’s stomach dropped. His fingers twitched. 

“TJ. I’m serious. Drop it.” Amber said firmly.

Dean laughed. “See, fairy? She can fight her own battles, doesn’t need a fag like you trying to play hero.”

TJ felt like his limbs were made of lead. He was so close to bashing this guy’s face in, but there was something that was holding him back. 

He was terrified. 

Suddenly, a voice rang out through the hall. “Everything okay over there?”

Everyone’s eyes shot up. One of the teachers, TJ didn’t know who, was looking on expectantly, eyeing them from down the hall. 

Dean stepped coolly away from the group. “Everything’s peachy, Mrs. Laakkonen.” He flashed a smile at her before turning on his heel, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. 

The teacher nodded slowly, peering at them all before heading in the opposite direction.

TJ breathed out, feeling the fire in his stomach hiss and fizzle into a dark, cold curl of smoke. He looked at Amber and Libby, wincing at Amber’s cold glare. 

“I told you to drop it, TJ.” She shakily grabbed her stapler again and began repasting the ripped poster. 

“I didn’t do anything. I should have, who the fuck does he think he is?” TJ was still tense.

“TJ, chill. He’s been on my case since I came out but he and his friends are like the only ones. Everyone else is chill. I can handle him. He’s an idiot, no one pays any attention to him anyways,” Amber said tersely.

TJ scoffed and kicked the wall. “Well, can’t we tell Dr. Metcalf or something?”

Amber shrugged, grabbing her backpack and tucking the stapler inside as she began walking toward the front door. “Buffy tried that last year after he made some dumb comment during basketball. Apparently his parents are big donors to the sports program. The School Board didn’t do shit about it.”

TJ followed after her slowly. His insides were crawling. “Well, I wish I’d punched him.”

“We don’t need you getting expelled, Teej,” Amber sighed, before softening and casting a glance at him. “But, thanks.”

* * *

Jackson Street Gym was a charming little brick building, on the corner of a cross street in downtown Shadyside. TJ’s new boss had asked him to come in early, at 7 AM, to help get him situated before the kids started rolling in at 8 AM. 

The entry bell dinged above his head as he pushed the door open. TJ entered, feeling unusually nervous. He was actually pretty excited to work there, and didn’t want to screw anything up. 

Inside was a tidy reception area, and a plethora of brightly colored equipment, ranging from a playset, to balance beams, to a climbing net.

His boss appeared from behind the front desk. “You must be TJ!”

TJ smiled, offering a hand to shake. “Yes, sir. It’s nice to meet you, thanks for taking me on.”

The man grabbed his hand and pumped it energetically. “Call me Chris, please! And of course! When my dad mentioned Ron’s grandson needed a job, I was ecstatic!” Chris grabbed a couple of papers from the counter behind him. “Here, let’s get you out of your winter gear and train you in.”

Chris led TJ around the gym, showing him his locker and how to clock in and out. He explained all the different areas of the gym, walking TJ through the various games and exercises associated with each. Then, he talked through the daily schedule, the different tasks that TJ would have to complete at open and close, and the names of the kids who were signed up for the day’s classes. 

“My wife, Terri, works the front desk and helps check kids in when they get dropped off. Most kids sign up beforehand online, but we do get some drop-ins. Oh, and no need to stress, you’ll always be working with a partner. Monica should be here soon, she works Saturday and Sunday shifts, too. She’ll help you a lot today, but I’m sure you’ll catch on quick. It’s pretty much instinct for most things.” Chris paused from looking at his clipboard to meet TJ’s eyes. “You can do a handstand, right?”

TJ laughed. “Um, yes.”

Chris smiled. “And a cartwheel?”

“Oh, definitely.”

“And a somersault?” 

TJ’s mind flashed to that first day he met Cyrus ( _“You can’t do a somersault?!”_ ). His cheeks tinged pink. “Um, yeah, yes.”

Chris beamed. “Then you, my friend, are hired!” Just then, the bell jingled. Chris glanced at his watch. “7:45. That’d be Monica.” TJ looked up, seeing a girl about his age walk in and shed her winter coat. She had caramel skin and silky black hair dusted with small snowflakes, and was adorned in a blue t-shirt and white, patterned leggings. She flashed a bright smile at TJ and Chris. “Hey, you’re TJ, yeah?” She approached them, fist-bumping Chris on the way over.

“TJ, meet Monica. Monica, meet TJ.” Chris chirped happily as he headed into the back. “Terri should be here in about five minutes to boot up the main computer. Monica, can you help TJ with any questions he has?” 

Monica pulled off her gloves, and offered TJ a hand to shake. He took it and smiled, saying “Hey, nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Got any questions?” she asked. TJ followed her as she moved to put her stuff in her locker. 

“Um, not yet. Though I am sure they’ll come up in about 10 minutes when the first kid gets here.”

Monica chuckled, slamming her locker shut and putting her hair up in a ponytail. “You’ll be great, the kids are so sweet and Chris is a great group leader.” She looked at him. “Do you go to Grant? I’m not sure we’ve met.”

TJ nodded. “Just moved here, actually.”

She clapped her hands together. “Oh, so you’re Amber Kippen’s cousin, yeah?” She smirked as he rolled his eyes and nodded, saying, “Small school. Word moves fast. I’m a senior, with Amber. She’s great.”

TJ nodded and joked, “Great until you get to know her.”

Monica laughed brightly, and began moving around, warming up a bit. TJ followed her lead, jogging in place. Just then, Chris came into the room, Terri in tow, and began warming up with the two teens. “Ready for another great day?” He asked cheerfully. 

Monica rolled her eyes fondly. “Oh, yes. Brimming with excitement.” 

“Hey, watch it, I pay you to be enthusiastic.” Chris joked. 

“Honey, are you bullying our employees?” Terri called from reception, a playful edge to her voice. 

“Never!” Chris shouted back. 

Just then, the door’s bell dinged again. Chris smiled broadly. “Showtime!”

* * *

TJ was exhausted, but his heart was full. His first day of work had actually been a blast. The kids were sweet, his bosses were great, and Monica was really friendly and helpful all day. She reminded him of a less intense Buffy, replete with goofy banter and silly gossip to keep them both going. He was feeling really grateful to his grandpa for hooking him up with the job.

He bid farewell to Chris, Monica, and Terri at 6:05 PM, and started shuffling through the fresh snow toward the residential area of Shadyside. He pulled out his phone and ran the directions to Cyrus’ house again, double checking that he was headed in the right direction. 

He was really excited to hang out with Cyrus. Butterflies tumbled around in his stomach as he trudged through the snow. His worn jacket was sticking to his sweaty back, and a chill shot up his spine. He shivered, and pulled it tighter around his shoulders, walking faster. 

He finally arrived in front of Cyrus’s house. And fuck, it was… nice. Like, one tiny step below Reed’s house nice. He gulped. 

Suddenly, he began to feel that traitorous self-doubt creep under his skin and start to chip away at his sunny mood. He was about to show up to Cyrus’ house, this nice ass house, covered in sweat and dressed in his ratty gym clothes. Why hadn’t he thought ahead and brought a change of clothes?

He checked his phone screen. He’d promised Cyrus he’d be over by 6:30. It was 6:28.

Too late now. 

He bit his lip and walked up to the front door, hesitating before knocking three times. 

* * *

Cyrus sat on his couch, knees bouncing as he eyed the front door. His parents were setting the table in the kitchen. 

He knew he should chill out. There was no need to be this nervous. It was just his friend, coming over for dinner, movies - that was it. Nothing weird about that. 

Except that Cyrus had a huge, stupid crush on this particular friend. 

He groaned, resting his head in his hands. 

“You okay in there?” His dad called from the kitchen. 

Cyrus squeaked, shocked that his dad heard him. “How on Earth did you hear me?”

His dad’s head popped out from behind the door frame. “Father’s intuition?” he smiled wickedly.

Cyrus was waving him away just as he heard three quick knocks. He shot up and raced for the door, feet sliding on the hardwood. Just before opening it, he took a moment to smooth out his clothes and his hair. He grabbed the handle and yanked it open. 

TJ was standing on his stoop, shoulders hunched from the cold. Cyrus’ breath caught in his chest. TJ looked… beautiful, dusky shadows catching on his face, his eyes glinting in the porchlight. 

“Hi,” Cyrus breathed. 

“Hey,” TJ said, wearing that bright smile of his. 

Cyrus scooted to the side, ushering TJ in. “Here, I can take your coat.” 

TJ shrugged off his jacket, revealing an old basketball tee and sweatpants. As TJ untied his boots, Cyrus gently tucked TJ’s jacket in his hall closet. He turned and saw TJ wince at him. “Sorry, I just came from work, which would explain the sweaty gym clothes.”

Cyrus shook his head quickly. “Literally, no worries at all. You look really… um, you look fine!” Cyrus squeaked out, catching himself. 

TJ quirked a smile at him, standing up. “Well, I don’t hold a candle to you.” Cyrus blushed and smoothed out his dress shirt again. Okay, so he may have dressed trying to impress the other boy, but he couldn’t help it. He was in deep. 

“Are you hungry?” Cyrus asked, changing the subject to safer territory. 

TJ chuckled. “Starving, actually.” He glanced around restlessly. “This is… a really nice house.” 

Cyrus started walking towards his kitchen, beckoning TJ in with him. “Thanks! My step-mom is really into interior design.”

TJ nodded, biting his lip. Cyrus continued, “Maybe next time I can come see your house? You all settled in by now?”

TJ smiled but there was a mist of something else in his eyes. “Uhm, not yet, no. Maybe once we are you can come over.” 

They entered the dining room, and were hit by a wash of delicious scents. Cyrus’ parents greeted them warmly. “You must be TJ!” Cyrus’ step-mom swooned, wiping her hands on the dish towel beside her on the counter. “Cyrus has not stopped chattering about you since you met last weekend.”

Cyrus felt his face flush over and subtly glared at his step-mom, who only smirked wider. 

Meanwhile, TJ smiled bashfully. “Yeah, thanks for having me over.”

Cyrus’ dad grinned. “Of course! We hope you’re both hungry.”

Cyrus’ step-mom nodded. “Yes, Norman and I got a little carried away with the cooking this evening, so please eat up!”

They all took a seat and dug into the chicken alfredo, buttered bread, and salad at the table. TJ seemed a bit nervous at first, but soon settled into the conversation. They chatted about classes, basketball, how everyone at school was doing. Cyrus’ heart grew warmer and warmer each minute. TJ was hitting it off with his parents, even joking around by the end of the dinner with his dad (about some sports game, Cyrus _may_ have tuned them out at that point). 

By the end of dinner, they were all stuffed, faces flushed with laughter. After helping wash and put away the dishes, Cyrus and TJ headed up to his room.

Cyrus opened the door to his bedroom hesitantly, suddenly bashful. His walls were adorned with movie posters, magazine clippings, and pieces of Andi’s art she’d given him as gifts. He had huge bookcases filled with his favorite books lining the side wall, and a record player sitting in the corner. His bed was neatly made, and his desk covered in papers and books and stray pens. 

He glanced at TJ’s face. The other boy smiled softly. “Nice room.”

Cyrus blushed. “Thanks? It’s kind of a mess.” He sat on his bed. 

TJ continued standing, strolling around the room, eyeing everything. He shook his head. “No, I love it. It’s very… you.” His fingers brushed against the movie poster closest to Cyrus’ window. _“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”_ TJ whispered. 

“You a fan?” Cyrus asked, clearly surprised.

“Are you surprised I’m a fan of Casablanca?” TJ asked with mock indignation. “You wound me, Cyrus.” His fingers lingered on the title a moment. “My mom loves old movies. Used to watch them all the time with her. You a movie person?”

Cyrus nodded slowly. “Yeah, I kind of want to be a screenwriter.” He paused. “Is your mom still in Westville?” 

TJ shook his head. “Nah, she ran off to San Diego with her new boyfriend.” He continued walking around the room. “You’ve got a lot of books,” he noted, eyeing the tall bookshelf. 

Cyrus looked at TJ sadly. “I’m sorry about your mom.”

TJ shrugged, and didn’t answer. He continued perusing Cyrus’ personal library, pulling a few titles from the shelves. Finally, he arrived at Cyrus’ record player. “Got anything to play?”

Cyrus scrambled to his feet and snagged the one record he had. “Andi gave me the record player for my birthday, I only have one record for it so far.” He handed it to TJ. 

TJ took it gently and eyed the cover. “I love Rex Orange County. This is a great album.” He looked at Cyrus. “Can we listen?”

Cyrus looked down and smiled. “Yeah, sure.”

TJ beamed and gingerly removed the vinyl from its cover. He set it up on the record player and started it up. The first strack began after a few seconds, filling the room with music. 

TJ turned and flopped down on Cyrus’ bed. Cyrus swallowed hard, and followed him, slowly lowering himself next to the boy. They lay there, side by side, close enough to touch but keeping a tiny distance between them, listening for a while. 

The next track, _Always,_ started. TJ sighed. “I haven’t listened to anything on a record player in so long.” He stretched out a bit, his arm bushing Cyrus’.

“Not since the move?” Cyrus asked, his breath catching in his throat a little at the contact.

“Before, even. I don’t know, music is… weird in my house. My parents both are total music snobs. My dad is a huge country fan, he actually plays the guitar. My mom is a piano player, and knows like, everything there is to know about music. They were in a band together in high school, that’s how they met.” He paused, gnawing at his lip. “We used to listen to music every second of the day at home. It was like breathing for us. If we weren’t listening, we were playing, singing. But then, when things were… really bad, you know, between them, it just - stopped.”

Cyrus' heart pulled. “I’m so sorry, TJ.”

TJ shifted. “It’s fine. But it’s nice to listen now. I missed it.”

They stayed in silence for some time, drinking in the songs flowing out from the record player in comfortable silence. At some point, TJ shifted over to lay on his side. Cyrus followed him, facing the other boy, breathing deeply, trying to calm his fluttering heartbeat. TJ was playing with a stray thread on Cyrus’ bed. 

Cyrus looked at TJ. “Did you have a good first week in Shadyside?”

TJ smiled softly, looking into Cyrus’s eyes. “Yeah, actually. You know something crazy?”

Cyrus breathed in. “What?”

“I was so pissed about moving here. I didn’t think there was anything here for me. But now... “ TJ’s eyes were misty, a little far away, “...Now, I’m - happy. Like, I just made the basketball team, my new job is actually great, my dad is doing better, I’ve been getting along better with Amber, and…” TJ trailed off, looking deeply into Cyrus’ eyes. 

Cyrus waited a moment. Two. Waited for TJ to finish his sentence. But TJ stayed silent. There was a storm behind his eyes, and Cyrus couldn't discern what he was feeling. It was like there was a waterfall crashing behind the other boy’s sparkling green gaze. 

Finally, TJ opened his mouth. His eyes pierced into Cyrus’. “And I met you.”

Cyrus’s breath hitched. He was suddenly very aware of how close they both were to one another. He felt every nerve ending on his body, felt the heat emanating from the boy beside him. His eyes were locked on the other boy. TJ’s eyes were boring into him with that same messy intensity. They flicked downward, and Cyrus’ heart flipped into hyperdrive. What was that…

Suddenly, TJ’s eyes flickered a bit wider, and he quickly flipped to lay on his back. Cyrus froze, gulping, not sure what just went down. He slowly turned over to lay back on his back, too.

Rex Orange County filled his ears. The beautiful strings from _Pluto Projector_ swallowed the tense silence between the two boys. It played out to the end of the song, before _Every Way_ started playing. 

_“I care about you, in every way I can…”_ The soft piano thrummed behind the words.

TJ sat up and stood, walking to the record player. He paused there for a while, hand resting on the bookcase beside it. The song played out to the end, TJ seemingly lost in thought. Cyrus watched him, waiting. 

As soon as the last note drifted off, TJ picked up the needle and turned off the player. He looked back at Cyrus, and smiled softly. The tension in the air dissipated. “Movie?”

Cyrus breathed out, feeling his skin prickle with soft goosebumps. “Yes, movie.”

* * *

TJ walked home, the night sky glittering overhead, snow sparkling under the orange street lamps. He and Cyrus had sat together and watched a light-hearted comedy on Netflix, something he hardly registered. He was too focused on laughing and teasing with Cyrus. Throughout all that, though, he could not get the same running thought out of his head. 

He bit his lip, rubbed his face, breathing into his cold hands. He didn’t know what to do, but he couldn’t deny it anymore. 

He couldn’t.

Before, he wouldn’t touch those words, those thoughts. Felt his mind brush past them in denial, instead focusing on whatever else needed to be dealt with at the time. But he couldn’t keep running.

He thought of Amber, talking to her in the car this week. He thought of her eyes as she asked him about Reed. He thought of Reed’s eyes. 

He thought, he thought, he thought… he thought about Cyrus. 

Those words, running through his head. 

First. 

_I was about to kiss Cyrus today._

Second.

_I… like Cyrus._

And third.

_Am I…?_

Tears stung his cheeks.

Well, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH! TJ!!!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, it got pretty long but I hope that's okay! I have also been laying a lot of groundwork for some stuff that's about to go down in the upcoming chapters, which I am excited about (hehe). I want to say thank you for all the lovely comments from folks based on my author's note last chapter. You all made day, so thank you, so so much. I am curious - what are your thoughts on all that has gone down so far? Do things seem to be going too well for TJ, perhaps? (muahahah). Mostly, just thank you for reading - this story is bringing me so much life right now, and I appreciate you all so much! Please feel free to leave a comment, your feedback means the world.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends. First off, I am so sorry for not posting for so long! With the US election, and then finals and the holidays, I totally lost track of this. I promise, though, I am back and planning to post every two days over the next couple of weeks! Most importantly, thank you for everyone still reading and reviewing; it means the world to me. And with that, let the story continue!

TJ rubbed his eyes blearily, drifting out of sleep Sunday morning with reluctance. He felt especially groggy today, muscles sore from basketball and working at the gym the day before, and mind fuzzy from tossing and turning all night long. He couldn’t quiet his mind as he headed home from Cyrus’, as he stripped out of his gym clothes, as he scrubbed his skin in the hot shower - his brain just kept whirring. All night long, he alternated between squeezing his eyes shut willing himself to fade asleep, and rummaging around his various apps for any kind of reprieve they could offer. He finally must have fallen asleep past 3 AM. 

He ran a hand through his mussed hair, and begrudgingly stood and fumbled through getting dressed. He’d promised his grandparents he’d go to church with them today, and he’d be on their shit list if he wasn’t ready on time after missing last Sunday. The dress shirt he threw on was still wrinkled from being packed haphazardly in his suitcase, and his khakis were wearing through at the knees, but he hoped he looked presentable enough for the congregation here. He couldn’t even remember the last time he attended a service; it had been almost a year. 

He looked himself over in the mirror, frowning at the purplish hue circling underneath his eyes. Today was going to be a long day. He’d be at church until 11 AM, and then had to hurry over to the gym to work from noon until 6 PM again. He was going to need some coffee.

He walked slowly to his door, stretching his shoulders out as he trudged down the stairs. 

“Is that you Thelly?” his dad called from the kitchen. TJ entered, eyeing his dad’s rimshot eyes warily. He hadn’t seen him when he’d gotten in the night before but had heard him trudge up the stairs past 2 AM, no doubt the biting smell of alcohol on his breath. 

“Morning, Dad,” TJ said as he slowly poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot. 

His grandparents were seated next to his dad at the dinner table, each also nursing a steaming cup of coffee. “We’re going to head out in a few,” his grandfather said, flipping the page of his newspaper. 

TJ nodded and took a sip of the stale, bitter liquid sloshing in his cup, grimacing a bit at the taste. He kept his focus on his dad as if trying to will the man to somehow not be hungover, trying to pretend that his dad actually was doing better. “How has work been this week, dad? First few shifts treating you alright?” he chanced. 

His dad glanced at him, and back down at his coffee. He shrugged. “Fine,” he muttered. He rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. TJ’s grandmother peered at him through her reading glasses, eyes narrowed a bit. TJ shrugged it off as best he could. 

After a few minutes, they all got up and made their way to their car outside. TJ put his headphones in over the drive, closing his eyes and resting his head against the cold window. When they finally pulled into the church parking lot, a burning pit started churning in TJ’s gut. He swallowed. 

They all walked in, pulling their jackets tight against their frames as the winter wind whipped at their backs. TJ felt uncomfortable, but his grandparents seemed to be completely in their element the moment they walked in. They were greeted by warm smiles and small talk by various other patrons as they walked up the stairs towards the sanctuary. TJ kept his distance, kept his eyes down. He felt his dad do the same beside him. 

They sat down together in a pew in the back. TJ grabbed his phone, trying to quell the nerves in his chest. He flipped open a text from Amber, a stupid cat meme. He rolled his eyes and then, on a whim, shot her a text asking her if they could talk. 

They sure had a lot to talk about. 

Suddenly, a familiar voice interrupted his reverie. “TJ?”

TJ twisted around and saw Jonah sauntering over, with those ridiculous dimples and that insanely bright smile. He breathed out a bit, calming at the sight of a familiar face. 

“Hey, Jonah,” He smiled at the other boy. 

“I didn’t know you came here!” the other boy exclaimed brightly. He looked at TJ’s dad and grandparents. “But that makes sense, cuz you know, your grandparents!” TJ’s grandparents chuckled at Jonah. TJ felt a little like his two worlds were coming crashing together for the first time. It felt weird, but he’d be fine. 

“Uh, yeah, this is my first day here.”

Jonah nodded, leaning against the pillar beside him. “Yeah, we’re not always here either, but I’m glad we came today, it’s nice to see you, man.”

TJ nodded. “You too, Jonah.”

Jonah fist-bumped TJ in that ridiculously cheesy way of his, and jogged back to sit with his parents. TJ rolled his eyes at the other boy, sitting back further in his seat. 

Suddenly, a quiet started to settle over the room as the choir stood from their chairs in front for the opening hymn. 

TJ settled into his thoughts after that, milling over the last week while half paying attention to the service. His mind kept returning to…

Last night. 

Cyrus’ eyes. Literally every waking hour since meeting the other boy, those eyes flashed to the front of TJ’s mind. He gulped, feeling that feverish feeling he’d felt last night flush through his body. He couldn’t hide any longer. This was… real. He had a huge, fat crush on Cyrus. 

His heart started to beat faster. He remembered looking into those eyes last night, intimidated by the intelligence flickering in them, by the warm empathy pouring out of them. He’d wanted to kiss him. 

He’d wanted to kiss him so badly. 

Instead, he’d panicked and, like a complete idiot, started babbling about music again, and put way too much distance between the two. That was honestly weirder than if he’d just stayed on the bed. He groaned internally. The chance that Cyrus could… tell, somehow… that something was up last night? That was terrifying. 

He felt his dad rise beside him and automatically stood as well. He’d managed to overthink his way through the entire service. He blankly mumbled through the closing hymn, willing his rushing mind to just chill. 

The service ended and they made their way out slowly, stopping every few feet as his grandparents made small talk with different friends of theirs. One person stopped, not in front of his grandparents, but TJ’s dad. “Greg? Greg Kippen?” The man was balding a little but still seemed to have an athletic build, dressed in a casual button-down and dark pants.

TJ looked at his dad as his eyes widened, as though he was caught off guard. “Well, I’ll be. Mark Randall?” 

Mike reached out a hand and pumped Greg’s enthusiastically. “Your parents mentioned you’d be coming back into town, but I didn’t expect to see you so soon!”

Greg nodded a bit uncomfortably. “Yeah, took a job at old Sal’s.”

“Well, great. They’re lucky to have you,” the other man laughed. Then, his eyes softened and he smiled sadly. “Listen, I’m really sorry to hear about Rachel.”

TJ saw his dad stiffen and his eyes mist a bit. “Well, you know. That’s life.”

Mark nodded, seeming sympathetic enough, but TJ couldn’t help but detect a little bit of a patronizing edge to his expression. “I feel you, man. Anyway, we should meet up for a bite to eat sometime, or a drink at Dave’s.” He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “Our first legal drink together!”

His dad chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, sure. Sometime soon.”

The other man sauntered off. TJ watched his dad’s face carefully. The older man’s face seemed to sag as soon as the conversation ended. TJ bit his lip. “Who was that?”

TJ’s dad snapped out of his reverie, shaking his head. “No one. I mean, just someone I went to high school with. We played football together.”

TJ nodded. “He a friend?”

His dad scoffed. “I guess now? We’ll see.”

With that, TJ’s dad grabbed his jacket and snagged Linda and Ron, beckoning TJ to follow. TJ took one last look around the church and hurried after his dad, anxious to leave.

\----

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful for TJ. His grandparents and father dropped him off at work. The crowd at the gym was lighter on Sundays, and TJ spent some of the day training in on different administrative duties with Terri during bouts of freer periods. He had fun hanging out with Monica and Chris and the kids the rest of the time. He left at the end of the shift tired, but with a little spring in his step. 

He got home and flopped on his bed. His mental to-do list flicked a checkmark next to his shift that day, and moved toward homework he had due Monday. He groaned as he remembered a math worksheet he had been putting off that was due tomorrow. He eyed his backpack, and then flipped up his phone and shot a text to Cyrus. 

_ TJ Kippen: hey what are you up to tonight? _

Cyrus responded within seconds, bringing a small grin to TJ’s face. 

_ Cyrus Goodman: flailing over this APUSH paper I have due tomorrow, you?? _

TJ chuckled, fingers flying across his screen as he answered. 

_ TJ Kippen: Wanna flail over homework here? I’m in the same boat for math _

A minute passed. TJ’s heart went into overdrive. Then:

_ Cyrus Goodman: Yeah sure! What’s your address? _

TJ texted him the address and then flopped back on his bed. He ran his fingers through his hair a moment. 

What was he even thinking, inviting Cyrus over? Hadn’t he just been feeling extremely anxious over being in Cyrus’ house the day before?

There was just this part of him that wanted to share everything with the other boy, strip bare and share and give himself up. But there was another part of him that worried he’d never be able truly do that. 

He lay for a while, stewing in his confusing, churning emotions. Then, suddenly, his phone chimed out his call ringtone. He looked at the caller ID.

Amber. 

He pressed accept and stood, moving toward his mirror. “Hey Ambs, what’s up?”

She chuckled from the other end. “You wanted to chat?”

His mind flashed to his text to her earlier. He bit his lip. “Yeah, uh… it’s… nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“Amber…”

“Thelonious…”

TJ screwed his eyes shut. “Okay, I just… I want to talk to you about something.”

Amber paused, then said expectantly, “And this something is?”

TJ eyed himself in the mirror, smoothing his mussed hair and playing with the hem of his sweatshirt. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“The beginning usually works just fine,” she teased, obviously trying to break the tension in the air a bit. 

TJ couldn’t help it, he chuckled high and breathy, nervously. “Ha, that’s a good question, the beginning…”

He felt the air shift for Amber. “TJ, seriously, what’s up?”

TJ opened his mouth, and shut it again. Opened, shut. He willed his short-circuiting brain to form some words. “It’s just… it’s about-”

Suddenly, TJ’s phone vibrated. He lowered it from his ear and looked. 

Cyrus had texted. He was here, outside.

TJ brought the phone back to his ear. “Look, sorry Ambs, I gotta go. But we’ll talk soon, okay? For real.”

There was silence on the other end for a beat, and then Amber said, “Fine, Teej. But when you say soon, soon actually has to mean soon, okay?”

“Promise,” TJ said, walking toward the door. “By Ambs,”

“Fuck you, Teej,” she mocked back cheekily.

He shut his phone off and raced down the stairs. As he passed the kitchen, he almost ran into his Grandma. “Whoa, nelly! Why the rush?” She exclaimed. 

TJ blushed. “Sorry, Nana, just letting a friend in. Don’t want him to freeze on our stoop.”

She tutted at him as she walked away, muttering something about dinner being ready in about an hour. TJ shook off the near-collision and hurried to the door. He pulled it open and drank in the now familiar and comforting sight of Cyrus’s smile. 

He ushered the other boy in and they exchanged greetings. Cyrus pulled off his winter clothes and TJ shoved them in the small hall closet behind him. 

Freed from his heavy layers, Cyrus turned to TJ and smiled. “I feel like a new man,” he joked, opening his arms wide. “Thanks for inviting me over! I was going crazy at home.”

As Cyrus snagged his backpack from where he had set it on the ground beside him, a shiver of insecurity passed over TJ. He scratched the back of his head. “Sorry it’s such a mess, we’re still moving in.”

Cyrus gaped at TJ. “A mess? Hardly! It’s wonderful, I am so happy to be here!” 

TJ beamed. Deciding to make a move, he reached out and grabbed Cyrus’ backpack from his hands and slung it over his shoulder. “Well then, let me show you to my room.”

Cyrus giggled. “And I’m getting waited on? This is the dream, truly.” 

TJ chuckled as he led Cyrus through the hall, shouting a quick hello and introduction to his grandparents in the kitchen before heading up the stairs to his room. They settled on TJ’s mattress, pulling out their respective homework and starting to work through it. Occasionally, they would share a thought or a joke (or mostly, complain about the class they were working through) but really, they just worked in comfortable silence. The entire time, though, TJ couldn’t help but wonder if Cyrus could see straight through everything; straight through the jokes, the looks, the occasional physical contact. TJ gulped. He sure hoped not. He was so not ready for that yet. 

Eventually, TJ’s grandparents called up that dinner was ready. 

“You hungry?” TJ asked Cyrus. 

Cyrus smiled sheepishly. “Yes. Always, actually. This metabolism does not take breaks.”

TJ smiled and set his books down. “Well, I hope you like chicken casserole.”

Cyrus nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, sir. Sounds great.”

TJ led him down the stairs again and into the kitchen this time. His grandparents had set a place for Cyrus. TJ grinned at the other boy and held his arm out, letting Cyrus take his seat first. TJ, and then his grandparents, sat down to eat. TJ realized then that he hadn’t seen his dad since they dropped him off for work. “Where’s dad?”

Linda pursed her lips together. “He went to meet up with that old friend of his from church. Mark.”

TJ chewed slowly. “They didn’t seem totally  _ friendly  _ to me.”

Lind shrugged. “They were competitive in high school, but nothing dramatic. That’s all in the past now. It must be nice for your father to have someone in town he is connected with.”

“Yeah, I guess.” TJ said. 

The table settled into silence for a bit. TJ felt that world-colliding feeling again. He figured he’d be feeling that a lot now. 

Cyrus, ever the charmer, took one bite of food and beamed. “Wow, this is delicious, Linda. Thank you so much for having me over.” 

Linda blushed at the compliment. “Of course! A friend of TJ’s is always welcome.” TJ rolled his eyes and shot Cyrus a smile. The other boy smiled back. 

Linda set her fork down and looked up again at Cyrus. “So, Cyrus, what is it you do? What are you involved in at school?”

Cyrus tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Oh, well, I am the president of the film club. We meet outside of school, that takes a good chunk of my time.” 

TJ looked at Cyrus again. He hadn’t known that. One other lovely fact about the boy to tuck away for safekeeping. 

“And I am the editor for the school newspaper, and on the student council and NHS. Oh, and I am the unofficial team manager for the ultimate frisbee team and basketball team, because I am woefully bad at sports but a big fan for my friends’ sakes.” 

Linda laughed. “Oh, well you sound busy!” 

TJ nodded. That did sound busy. He wondered what else there was that he didn’t know about Cyrus. His heart fluttered as he imagined spending more and more time with him, reading his writings, watching his film club projects, sitting in the stands with him at ultimate games. It all sounded… perfect.

“Do you have any time for girls with that packed schedule?” 

Cyrus faltered a second, but jumped in a beat later. “Unfortunately, no. As you may presume, my time is pretty well spent.” 

Linda tsked and waved her hand. “You sound just like this one,” she said, looking pointedly at TJ. 

TJ groaned internally. Tight-lipped, he responded, “Nana, we’ve talked about this.” His face burned. He avoided Cyrus’ eye.

She shrugged, admitting defeat. Glancing at Cyrus playfully, she teased, “Okay, okay, grumps.” She took another sip of her drink. “Oh, Ron, you will not believe what Michelle told me today at church.”

Ron grunted, speaking for the first time all dinner. “Hm?”

Linda spooned up some peas and popped them in her mouth. “Apparently, two  _ women _ approached Pastor Meyers and tried to get him to marry them. In our church.”

TJ’s heart clenched. Of course, when Cyrus was over, his grandma had to go off on one of her rants. He knew Cyrus was doggedly supportive of Amber, so he anticipated this kind of talk would piss him off. 

As he expected, TJ felt Cyrus stiffen beside him. His face grew hotter. He willed his grandmother to shut up. The universe, as if laughing in his face with a big middle finger to boot, did not heed his wish. She continued, “I mean, can you imagine, that sort of… unnatural thing taking place at our church? Worst of all, Pastor Meyers looked into it! Thankfully, the church’s guidelines prohibit that sort of thing, but I mean, come on. Pastor Meyers is getting sucked into it all, too. I can’t believe what this world is coming to.”

TJ was glaring bullets at his plate. He could feel the tension rolling off of Cyrus, too, but he didn’t dare look at the other boy, for fear of giving too much away with his face. 

Ron stepped in. “Come, Linda, let’s not talk politics over dinner.”

Linda scoffed, adjusting her dress primly. “It’s not politics; it’s unnatural. Going against what God intended, against the sanctity of marriage. It’s despicable.”

TJ heard Cyrus’ utensil clatter on the table. He glanced at the other boy and was immediately cold with dread. Cyrus’ complexion was pale, his brow furrowed, his breathing a bit shallow. Before TJ could say anything, Cyrus spit out. “I am so sorry, I just remembered, I need to be getting going. Busy bee, I am. Well. Okay.” He set his fork down and stood quickly. TJ and his grandparents were both too surprised to speak. Cyrus smiled tightly at the table. “It was lovely to meet you, Linda, Ron. TJ, I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, he all but ran out of the room. TJ listened and heard, after a few moments of rustling, the front door squeak open and closed. Then, silence fell. 

TJ slowly looked at Linda and Ron, who seemed equally surprised. Linda broke it, laughing nervously. “Well, he’s a bit of an odd duck, hm?” Her eyes were narrowed, her smile empty. 

TJ shrugged. He just wanted away from this table. 

Suddenly, the front door opened again. TJ thought it was Cyrus, since the boy had forgotten everything he had brought with him upstairs in TJ’s room. He jumped up from the table and ran to the hall. 

But, instead of seeing Cyrus’s slight, clumsy, sweet frame, he caught sight of his father swaying in the doorway, eyes misty and unfocused. 

Greg finally focused on his son. He laughed a scary, manic laugh. “Who the hell w-w-was that kid running out of here?” He stumbled through the hallway, not bothering to kick off his shoes. TJ felt his grandparents stand and move behind him, but his eyes never left his father. 

“I thought you were doing better…” he whispered. 

“What did you say?” Greg called. 

TJ bit his lip. He felt the embers of the fire that had been licking his insides since the move start to flare. His anger at Reed for leaving him, his anger at Dean last Friday when he was bullying Amber, the anger he felt at his grandparents for being so homophobic and hurtful during dinner, the anger he felt at himself for his inability to come to terms with his own identity - everything burst in his belly in a white-hot fireball. He bit out, “I thought you were getting better. You seemed okay when we were getting ready to move. I thought that things would be better here, Dad. But it’s the fucking same. It’s always the same fucking story with you.” In the back of his mind, he heard his grandma gasp at his swears, but he hardly registered. His eyes were transfixed on his father’s expression. 

Greg’s eyes were cold and unfocused, his lips set in a grimace. “You little shit. Piece of fucking shit,” he slurred out, puffing out his chest and stumbling a step forward. 

TJ felt pangs in his chest at his dad’s words, but he plowed on. “Oh, I’m the piece of shit? What about you? You’re a fucking deadbeat, dad! And you always have been. My entire life. No wonder mom left you.” 

That was the straw on the camel’s back. Greg’s face went slack, his eyes blinking rapidly. He swayed dangerously again. 

For a moment, TJ felt awful. He couldn’t believe he had said that. He almost spit out apology after apology and ran up to help his dad.

But then, his dad steeled over. He stood straight. His voice was deadly calm, as though he had sobered, somehow, for just one instant. “You think I’m the reason she left? Think again, kid. Ask her yourself. None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for you.”

TJ was numb. Cold. The fire in his belly extinguished immediately, his father’s words snuffing any ounce of anger inside of him and replacing it with devastation. He took a step back and bumped into his grandpa. He vaguely heard his grandmother yelling at his father (“That’s enough, Gregory!”) and barely felt his elbow shoot with pain as he shifted course and banged into the side table on the other side of the hall. With one last look at his father, who had returned to being a swaying, drunken mess, collapsing swiftly into the armchair in the small family room adjacent to his place in the hallway, TJ raced up the stairs two at a time, needing to be away from his family. 

He hurriedly shoved through the door and locked it behind him. He crashed into his bed and buried his face in his pillow, fighting the tears welling up in response to his father’s words. 

He ignored the calling from outside his room to come outside, the jiggling of the door handle, and instead buried himself deeper into the bed. Eventually, Ron, he presumed, let up and the sounds outside his bedroom door ceased. He could still hear muffled arguing downstairs. He burrowed deeper and tried to drown that out as well. 

He lay there for a long time, the words his dad uttered spinning on repeat in his mind. 

TJ had always felt like a mistake, had always felt like a burden. Every time his parents fought, every time money issues arose, any time anything went wrong, TJ felt like it was his fault. 

But now? 

His father had just confirmed it. 

Every minute, the thought sunk in deeper and deeper, stung harder and harder. He tried to shake it off, but he couldn’t. It just sunk its fangs in more and more and more.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the feelings started to condense a bit. He shifted to sit up, scrubbing at his irritated eyes. His vision swam as he reached in his pocket for his phone. He barely registered a couple of texts from Cyrus, apologizing for leaving abruptly and asking him to bring his books that he left to school the next day. His fingers skipped those, unable to deal with that at the moment. Instead, he opened his chat with his mom. Weeks of unread messages flooded the screen. 

TJ drank it in. That sweet sense of his familiar self-destructive streak returning felt comfortable. TJ hid behind this, hid behind his pain with a tight, unwavering mask. He ruefully pressed to call her, to stick the dagger in his heart and twist it. Her lack of an answer would prove everything his dad said true. That he WAS the reason his mom left. He was the reason everything fell apart. 

The phone rang once. Twice. That cold self-hatred coursed through his veins. He heaved a ragged breath as the phone rang three times. Of course. Again and again, he was naive enough to think that this wasn’t his doing when it so obviously was. Four times. Fuck, he hadn’t heard from her in weeks! Five times. What other answers could there be?

On the sixth ring, TJ moved to cancel the call. 

But then. 

The screen shifted. 

The top of the screen showed 00:00, 00:01, 00:002, indicating that someone picked up. 

TJ’s breath caught in his chest. He couldn’t believe it. Part of him felt too terrified to even chance it. 

But then, as if on autopilot, he slowly raised the phone to his ear. He choked on his words at first and cleared his throat. The word tumbled out as a hoarse, frightened whisper. 

“Mom?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEK! I hope this was worth the return from hiatus! Please feel free to leave a comment, it means the world. Wishing you all a safe and healthy holiday season. Can't wait to update again soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends. I am so sorry for not posting for such a long time. COVID and school and work have all been kicking my ass. Please know that I do intend to finish this story no matter what, I just needed a little break. But most of all, thank you. Thank you for your comments and kudos even when I haven't been posting. It is my inspiration and I really appreciate your feedback. 
> 
> With that, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I am almost done with the next, too, so that should come out shortly. Thank you thank you thank you if you are still here reading this! I hope you enjoy. :)

“TJ?” 

Over the last weeks, when TJ had been fruitlessly texting and calling his mom after she had moved out, he kept expecting her voice to sound different when he finally reached her. TJ himself felt different. And fuck, the way he saw his mom had totally changed, too. But when his mom finally picked up, her honey voice was exactly the same. Floods of memories came rushing at him full force. Every lovely moment with her throughout his childhood quelled the stinging anger inside of him. Suddenly, he just felt sad. 

“Mom? Mom is that you?” TJ whispered. He was afraid to scare her, afraid she’d hang up and be gone forever. But then. 

“Oh, Thelly...” Was she crying? 

TJ cleared his throat. Suddenly, he didn’t know what to say. All the times he had reached out to her, he had never really come up with a plan. The warring sides of himself clashed hard, part of him wanting to scream at her and the other part dying to beg her forgiveness. But he couldn’t find the words.

Instead, he peeped out. “How’s San Diego?”

There was silence on the other line. Was this a trap he was setting up? TJ didn’t even know. He listened to her breathing, tried to imagine her face. 

Finally, she spoke, carefully. “Warm. There’s no snow.”

TJ realized then, he had no idea what he wanted from her. Truly. Maternal love? Yes, but would she give it? Could she? After everything that’s happened? When she was gone, so far away and removed from his life, in a _warm_ place with her new family? 

His heartbeat thudded in his ears. Suddenly, the sound of her breathing began to grate on his nerves. He coughed the lump out of his throat and spit out quickly, “Yeah, that’s nice. Hey, Mom, I gotta go.”

The part of him that craved attention from her made him wait, just a moment, to see if she would beg him to stay on the line. But she just kept silent, her rhythmic breathing rustling over the line. 

Finally, she spoke, in a small voice. “Okay.”

TJ stayed still a moment, his phone pressed tight against his ear. Then, numbly, he lowered it, and rested his finger on the CANCEL button. The screen flipped from the call display to his smattering of apps. His hands were shaking. 

He sat there for a long while. Thoughts beat inside his head like a hurricane. He had no idea what the hell he was doing anymore. 

Suddenly, he realized the house was quiet. The muffled arguments downstairs had ceased. TJ stood up slowly, feeling off-balance and drained. He walked to his door, slipped out of his room, and tiptoed through the dark hallway, past his father’s empty room, down the tight staircase. As soon as he made it to the landing, he caught sight of his grandfather, slumped over the kitchen table with a mug of coffee. Out of the corner of his vision, he could glimpse his dad’s form in the family room, passed out on the armchair, body moving rhythmically with each breath he took. TJ stared at him. 

“He wasn’t always like that.”

TJ jumped. He didn’t realize his grandpa had noticed him. He wasn’t even really looking at him, still sitting hunched over his cup of coffee. TJ carefully stepped into the kitchen. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you,” he muttered.

His grandpa chuckled darkly. “I’ll be up a while anyway.”

TJ gently sat down into the chair furthest from his grandpa at the table. As he sat, Cyrus’ sweet face brushed the edges of his thoughts, and anxiety started boiling in his gut again. He felt so bad about what happened at dinner. Cyrus was obviously upset by his grandma’s words, rightfully so. But it was TJ’s family. He didn’t know how to stand up to them, how to fight with them, when they were already on such thin ice with one another as it was. Not to mention, his grandparents were holding his and his father’s livelihood in their hands. 

He thought of his father. He couldn’t believe the man. He had finally found them both a second chance, and he was already blowing it.

TJ cleared his throat. “Is Dad okay?”

His grandpa was quiet. He was always a quiet, thoughtful man. Sure, he could hold down some boisterous, friendly small talk, but most hours of the day were spent in silence. He stirred his small spoon in his mug, gently clinking it on the sides. Picking it up and cupping the sides in his hands, he glanced at TJ. “Right now, no. The question is... will he be. I sure hope so, that’s for damn sure.”

TJ nodded shakily. “What did you mean? When you said, um, when you said he wasn’t always like this?” 

His grandpa lowered his mug and looked deeply at its contents for a few seconds before speaking. “He was carefree. A go-getter. Smart as a whip. And so damn talented. Then…”

TJ wanted to cry. So, everything his dad said was true. “Then, he had me?”

His grandpa jerked to look TJ in the eye. “You were the best thing that ever happened to him, and something he keeps wasting over and over again.” He said firmly. He shook his head, looking into the distance as though staring at a memory. “He was going downhill long before he had you. He started drinking early in high school, partying with his friends far too much. We didn’t know how to handle him, handle any of it. He was growing up in such a different world than we did. We couldn’t control him the way we wanted. Your grandma and him, they… clashed, quite a lot. After he graduated high school, he had no plan. She kept pushing him, pushing him to do something, anything. Maybe it was our fault, who knows. He shut us out, moved in with some friends of his. Met… met your mom. And then… well, then one day, he came to our front step and told us... told us about you.”

TJ’s mind was whirring. He looked at his dad’s slumped form, trying to imagine him, young, terrified, standing on the front porch of this house with news that would change everything. 

His grandpa continued. “You were the only good part of this story. I was ecstatic. I always wanted grandchildren, and even though your father was young, I took it as a blessing. Your grandmother, however… she wears her faith on her chest like emblazoned armor. So, a baby, at their age, that terrified her. That night was… bad. I didn’t know if they would ever make up. But slowly, they reached some sort of understanding of one another. You weren’t going anywhere, and they were both going to need to work together to make this work.”

Nodding, TJ leaned forward in his chair. He thought back to his conversation with his mom just minutes before. “What about…”

“What about your mom?”

“Yeah.”

“She loved you. She loved you so much. Loved you so fiercely that she hated us. It was almost like she thought we were the enemy. It caused a lot of issues in the first few years. Finally, once you were old enough, they were able to move into their own place in Westville. The distance was good at first. When you three came to visit, old arguments could be set aside. But the resentment, on all sides, was never gone. It was just underneath everything. It kept growing until finally you three stopped coming to visit. Until your father and your mother couldn’t handle one another anymore. Until your father showed up again, on our doorstep, with more impossible news.”

“That my mom left,” TJ whispered. 

“And when he asked to come stay here. With you.” TJ’s grandma smiled wistfully, looking from TJ to Greg’s sleeping form. “We couldn’t say no. We can’t. But sometimes, it’s hard.”

“Hard to keep supporting us?” TJ asked.

“Hard to see how he treats you. How he treats himself,” his grandpa whispered. 

TJ nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes. TJ’s mind kept flashing between his mother, his father, Cyrus.

Finally, his grandfather stood, the chair squeaking on the linoleum floor beneath him. He glanced at TJ, opening his mouth as if to say something, before gingerly stepping into the hall and towards the bedroom. His now empty mug sat abandoned on the table. TJ fixed his eyes on it. 

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel better after that. 

He did feel calmer. 

TJ picked up the empty cup and rinsed it quietly in the sink. Glancing over his shoulder at his dad, he padded towards the family room. His dad looked far away, the shadows from the kitchen casting gaunt shadows on his face. His breathing was almost ragged. 

TJ bit his lip. Grabbing the thin, woven blanket tucked in the wicker basket in the corner, he draped it across his father’s shoulders. 

His eyes were wet. 

* * *

“TJ!” 

TJ’s head was fuzzy. He’d barely slept again the night before after the incident with his father. The man had still been asleep when TJ slipped out of the house for school that morning, touting his own backpack, his gym bag for basketball practice, and all of Cyrus’ school supplies he’d left there. 

TJ whipped his head around to find the boy in question hurrying towards him across the school parking lot. Cyrus’ face was hard to read.

TJ winced and smiled ruefully. “Hey, Cy.”

Cyrus reached him, breathing heavily. “This body was not made for hurrying. Or, any physical activity really.” The jokes were familiar-Cyrus, but his body language was stiffer. He was clasping his hands tightly together in front of his waist and biting his lip. 

TJ felt so bad. He couldn’t believe he had invited Cyrus over and not considered the fact that his grandma could extremely insensitive sometimes. He opened his mouth to apologize.

“Cyrus, I’m-”

“TJ, I am so sorry-”

They both rushed out apologies at the same time. 

Cyrus giggled nervously. “You probably think I’m crazy, huh.”

TJ flashed back to when he first met Cyrus at Amber’s party last weekend, how he thought Cyrus would think _he_ was crazy. He smiled. “Never, Cy.”

Cyrus breathed a sigh of relief, his face lighting up and breaking the tension somewhat. “Oh, thank god. I didn’t want to ruin last night, really, I just…”

TJ knew what he was going to say. “You don’t have to explain, my grandma was being really… stupid.” 

There was something in Cyrus’ eyes he couldn’t quite make out. The other boy was still high on some kind of nervous energy. TJ continued, hoping to mitigate the situation. “I know how supportive you are of Amber, so I can only imagine how upsetting it must have been to hear our grandma talking about… you know, stuff like that.”

Cyrus nodded. His energy lowered, but there was still something… strange about his demeanor. But then he was nodding and smiling, chattering gratefully, “Exactly. I’m glad you understand. I just got really anxious and didn’t want to start any kind of family drama or say the wrong thing, so I just…”

“...ran out of the room?” TJ teased. 

Cyrus huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, kinda.” He locked eyes on the extra backpack TJ was carrying. “And in doing so, left literally EVERYTHING I own in your bedroom.” TJ smiled and handed Cyrus’ bag to the other boy, who accepted it appreciatively. They started walking towards the school doors. 

Cyrus glanced at the other bag TJ was touting. “Excited for basketball to start today?”

TJ was, actually. As exhausted as he was, he was looking forward to it. “Yeah, actually. Really excited. Nervous, though. I don’t know what the team will be like at all.”

Cyrus elbowed him playfully. “Oh yeah, Mr. Assistant Captain! I have faith, it’ll be great.” 

TJ nodded slowly. “The only thing I’m worried about is having to deal with that asshole Dean again.” His mind flashed back to that sneering face as he cornered Amber. His vision tinged red. 

Cyrus scoffed. “Yeah, fuck Dean. Everyone else on the team is really nice, though. Plus, you’ll have Marty and Buffy with you. It’ll be fine.” He pushed the front doors open and walked inside the school just as the warning bell rang. “Fuck, okay, I’ve got to get to class. See you at lunch?”

TJ nodded, smiling as Cyrus waved goofily and clumsily speed-walked down the corridor. He jogged over to his own locker and slammed his things inside, gathering up his books quickly. As he made his way to his first class, his mind was stuck on basketball. He really hoped it would go well. 

* * *

“Hey, TJ, can I talk to you a minute?”

TJ felt utterly defeated. His math class had been hell. It was always hell, but today it was like a special breed of hell. They had all had to split up into pairs and go over the large worksheet they’d been assigned over the weekend. TJ felt embarrassment flair up more and more throughout the ordeal. His partner had been nice enough but grew noticeably frustrated by TJ’s lack of understanding and inability to help look over any of the harder problems. By the end, it took everything in TJ not to freak out like he did on the first day of class and storm out. 

As soon as the bell rang, he snatched up his stuff and tried to make a beeline for the door. Unfortunately, Mr. C called him back in just as he made it to the exit. 

TJ turned on his heel and plastered the most uncaring expression on his face he could. If he didn’t, he was afraid he might tear up. “Yeah, Mr. C?” he asked, his voice laced with frustration. 

Mr. C sighed, took off his glasses, and leaned against one of the desks. “TJ, I’m worried about you.”

TJ scoffed. Yeah, right. “Nothing to worry about.” He tried to turn around and leave.

“TJ!” Mr. C called at him forcefully. TJ bit his lip and looked back at the teacher. 

Mr. C’s face was concerned. “You seem to be struggling with this class, more than any other student. And I’ve asked around, you are doing great in every other course but mine. What can I do to help you?”

TJ bit out, “Nothing. Nothing, okay?”

Mr. C softened, standing straight and taking a step towards him. “TJ, I’m just trying to help. Trying to understand. Have you always struggled with math?”

TJ shrugged, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking down. “I’m the dumb jock type, what do you want?”

Mr. C rolled his eyes. “Again, doesn’t sound like it from your other teachers. So it’s just math then?”

TJ felt cornered. He had struggled with math his entire life, he had dealt with his fair share of concerned teachers and near-failing grades, had cheated his way out of desperation to where he was now. But, maybe TJ had changed since coming to Shadyside. Something in him wanted to trust Mr. C right now. “Yeah,” he said in a small voice. 

Mr. C nodded. “Well, good news for you, Shadyside has an excellent tutoring program. I can get you set up with another student to start up with, see how that goes. And in the meantime, we can meet to see some of what you’re struggling with, too.”

TJ felt his ears go hot. His face flushed pink. He didn’t want anyone to see him as inferior, as stupid. He already thought of himself that way. But, maybe, this could help? 

He breathed out long and hard, and looked up at Mr. C, whose eyes were kind and eager. “Okay,” he said quietly. 

Mr. C clapped his hands together a bit too enthusiastically. “Perfect. I’ll get you set up with one of my best students. Maybe you can meet together during lunch today?”

TJ’s insides sunk. He’d been hoping to spend some more time with Cyrus and lean into the semblance of sanity the group managed to bring him. But the way Mr. C was looking at him didn’t make it seem like it was a question. “Yeah, sure.”

“Great! I’ll have you two meet here. I’ll be gone right at the start of lunch, but should be in shortly to see how things are going.”

TJ nodded again. “Okay. Um, can I go now?” He fidgeted with his books in his hands.

Mr. C nodded. He moved toward his desk and sat down, waving his hand dismissively. “Go on.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment with any feedback you have, I appreciate all of it! Stay safe and well. <333 I can't wait to post the next chapter!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoy :) forewarning, this is not a Tyrus-heavy chapter, but I really wanted to establish some more character moments between Buffy, Marty and TJ, as well as dig a bit deeper into TJ's character. I hope that's okay! Please know that the next chapter is gonna be heavily focused on our two favorite boys :))) Thank you for reading!
> 
> Potential TW:  
> There are instances of sexism and an instance of sexual harassment in this chapter.

_Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap._

TJ’s leg was bouncing up and down, his knee striking the bottom of the desk periodically with a soft thump. It was lunchtime, and he was waiting in Mr. C’s classroom for his tutor to arrive. Since the math teacher pulled him aside after class, TJ had been trying his best to ignore the welling sense of embarrassment in his gut at the thought of another student really seeing how much he struggled with the subject. Sitting here waiting with nothing to do was definitely not helping with that.

To bide time, he flicked his phone open and began mindlessly flipping through his apps. He settled on his messages and hesitantly opened the thread with his mother. TJ couldn’t decide how to continue with her after their brief phone conversation on Sunday. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. Sure, he’d been upset. And honestly, it was probably warranted. But he kind of felt like he blew it, blew his last chance with her. What if she never responded to him again? He couldn’t bear to even consider that.

Suddenly, a new message popped up at the top of his app. His eyes widened, his grip tightened; it was Reed. Without thinking, his finger tapped and opened it. 

There was only one word: 

_reedabookortwoidiot: hey_

The door clicked open then, breaking his attention from the unexpected message, and a familiar face walked in. 

_Buffy._

TJ almost audibly groaned at that point. It was one thing to have to share his stupidity with a stranger, a whole other beast entirely to have to deal with being tutored by a friend. A new friend at that, one he already sensed a burgeoning competitive spirit with. Insecurity bubbled up in his throat.

TJ clicked his phone off and slipped it away in his pocket, knowing he would have to deal with Reed’s text later. “Buffy, um, hey,” he muttered, sitting up a bit straighter from his uncaring slump. 

Buffy seemed taken aback at seeing him as well. Maybe Mr. C hadn’t mentioned who she would be tutoring when he asked her to stop by during lunch. Regardless, she plastered a bright smile on her face and sidled up to him, leaning on the desk adjacent to his with her hip. “Hey, TJ. How’s your day been?”

TJ scoffed. “Well, seeing as we are here right now, not too great, Slayer.”

Buffy winced and nodded. “Yeah, Mr. C grabbed me earlier and said he had a student that needed tutoring for his math class. What’s been going on?”

TJ shrugged. 

Buffy waited for a beat, as though expecting him to speak further on it. When it became apparent that was all she was going to get, she slipped even deeper into her fake-smiley tutoring mode. “Well, let’s just work through some of the problems in the chapter you’re on and see what’s not clicking, yeah?”

For whatever reason, her forced cheeriness started to bite at his already aggravated nerves. “Sure, whatever,” he muttered, and slowly flipped open his book. He could feel her positive mood slipping as well, and part of him felt bad. Really bad. He liked Buffy, he did. He just was so not ready to share this side of himself with her, and it was eating at him that he had no choice in the matter. 

She sat down in the desk chair beside him and started talking him through some problems from Chapter Five. TJ could tell she was really good at this: math, tutoring, being the _cockiest_ person on the planet. Okay… maybe that last one was just his annoyance talking. He kept focusing on his breathing, willing himself to not use her as a scapegoat for all the frustration he was feeling. But it was hard. 

“Now, what did you get for “n” in number five?” Buffy chirped, peering at his paper. 

TJ had been pretending to work through that particular problem for the past few minutes after eyeing it initially and giving up within ten seconds. He hurriedly scribbled down a random number. “Um… seventeen?” he guessed. 

Buffy winced. “How did you arrive at that answer?” 

TJ groaned and let his pencil clatter down. “What does it matter? I obviously suck at this. I don’t see how talking through it for the millionth time with another tutor will help me.”

Buffy’s demeanor steeled over and she bristled at his aggressive tone. He could tell she was getting pissed now, too, and though he felt bad for biting out at her, it felt kind of good to let all this out. 

Buffy breathed a moment and then chanced a question. “Another tutor? How many tutors have you had?”

TJ deflated. “Enough to know this never works.” He thought back to previous classes he was in, teachers who took a chance on him and tried to help. The near-sleepless nights he spent pouring over practice tests and quizzes, brain numbing and eyes swimming more and more with each problem he racked his brain over. Nothing ever helped. 

Buffy opened her mouth to say something else, but TJ had had enough. “We’re done.” He started packing up his stuff. 

She scoffed. “What?”

TJ zipped up his backpack and stood. “This isn’t going to work.”

Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest. “TJ, this is important. Grades are important. You can’t just give up. Not on yourself, and certainly not on the basketball team. Grant is really strict about academic probation. I won’t let you ruin our season before it’s even begun by not caring about this.”

Part of TJ, the logical and rational side, saw just how right she was. But the bigger part saw red. She couldn’t have known it but implying that he wasn’t trying dug deep into TJ. Because he knew the truth. He knew that he always tried, tried his hardest. He worked so hard, to no avail. And on top of that, she had to go and make it about herself, make it about the basketball team. Something in TJ shifted. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll be fine on my own. This? This is done. Oh, and have fun trying to hold onto captain this year in basketball. I have a feeling they’ll see who deserves that title more _very_ soon.” With that, TJ shoved himself away from his desk and stalked out of the room. 

* * *

“Cyrus! I’m going to kill him!”

Cyrus swiveled in his seat. Buffy was rage-marching toward him, hands clenched at her sides. It was both their free period, and they usually spent the time together doing homework in the library. He’d been finishing up a lab report when she’d arrived. 

Cyrus winced. “Buffy, I really shouldn’t have to remind you of this, but murder is generally frowned upon in civilized society.”

She plopped down next to him and groaned, all but throwing her books on the table. Cyrus gingerly moved his papers to a safe distance. 

She set her head on her crossed arms on the table. Speaking into her forearms, her muffled voice sounded out, “This is when I get to say I told you so.”

Cyrus hesitated. “What are you talking about?”

“TJ! TJ is what I’m talking about. I knew there was something off about him.”

“Buffy…” Cyrus murmured.

“He’s an ass, Cyrus. I just _attempted_ to tutor him in math because Mr. C asked me to, and he treated me like shit the entire time.”

Cyrus’ mind spun. “Buffy, I’m so sorry… I don’t know why he would treat you like that when you’re just trying to help.” 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Whatever. It’s fine. I am just… ugh. I am just so over guys around me all treating me like they’re better than me, like they know more than me, like they can do more. I am so tired of it.”

Cyrus reached out a hand and gently gripped her shoulder. “Buffy, you are seriously one of the most amazing, strong, brilliant people I know. I’m really sorry... Maybe he’s, I don’t know, having a bad day? He seemed kind of exhausted this morning.”

Buffy flicked her eyes at Cyrus. “Stop making excuses for him.”

Cyrus shook his head hurriedly. “No, no, it’s just… I really do think he’s going through a lot. It doesn’t make up for him treating you like shit. But there may be more than meets the eye.”

Buffy sat for a moment, then finally shrugged noncommittally. “Whatever. That’s the last time I try to help him. I emailed Mr. C to let him know I can’t tutor him anymore. All I want to focus on right now is showing him up in practice later and proving why I am the one who deserves to be captain.” With that, she opened her notes and began pouring her frustration into highlighting (which would have been kind of funny if Buffy wasn’t seriously terrifying when she was pissed off). 

Cyrus bit his lip and returned to working on his lab report. However, his mind hung on their conversation. He didn’t want to believe that TJ was fighting with Buffy, but to be honest, he _could_ believe it. Though he didn’t know exactly what it was, Cyrus knew TJ had some… stuff, he was dealing with. Cyrus just hoped his best friend and new friend would make up soon. He couldn’t bear any more animosity in the friend group after what happened a couple of weeks ago with Andi and Jonah. 

* * *

“Let’s run these drills, let’s go, let’s go!” 

TJ was buzzing with energy. He was actually excited to start basketball, despite him also being extremely nervous. It served as a nice distraction from everything at home; from the text from Reed which was still awaiting a response, from thinking about his slumped, hungover dad, and especially from thinking about his epic disaster of a conversation with his mom.

Coach Ryan was shouting directions as the players scattered across the court to begin practice. After a quick slew of introductions (throughout all of which, TJ ignored Buffy’s stony gaze) they were getting started with their first practice of the season. TJ bounded toward an open spot in the line-up. However, as he was about to settle in and begin passing the ball he held in his hands, their coach called out, “Wait- Buffy, TJ, let’s huddle up a moment. The rest of you, keep it up!”

TJ tossed the ball to his teammate Jake and turned on his heel to run toward their coach. 

As he sidled up beside him, Buffy ran up as well, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at TJ. TJ glared back. Coach Ryan glanced between the two a moment. “Everything okay?” he asked firmly.

“Peachy,” Buffy smiled cheekily. TJ cocked his head at her and feigned a smile back, nodding in agreement. 

Coach Ryan raised his eyebrows. “Alright. Well. You two are my head honchos this season. I need you both here earlier than your teammates to help set up and later than everyone else to debrief with me. I’m relying on you all to get everyone working together as best we can. Last season was good, but we were _just_ short of the championships. I think with this team, that can change. Sound alright?”

Both Buffy and TJ nodded enthusiastically. Coach Ryan continued. “Buffy, as captain, I want you to lead the next couple of drills. TJ, watch out if Buffy needs your help. I’m going to set us up for a scrimmage.” 

Buffy beamed at the instructions and stared directly at TJ as she chirped, “Sounds perfect, coach. TJ, I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

TJ rolled his eyes at her, before turning and nodding at their coach. “Sounds good, Coach Ryan.”

Coach Ryan moved toward the supply closet to grab some colored jerseys for the scrimmage, leaving Buffy and TJ on their own. They glared at one another a moment. Finally, Buffy broke the silence. “I doubt I’ll be needing your help, _assistant_. I’ve got this.”

TJ shrugged and turned away, getting more and more annoyed. “Whatever you say, Buffy.”

Buffy smirked and ran towards the front of the room. On the way, she clapped Marty on the back, who beamed at her in pride. “Alright, let’s go, people! Start dribbling!”

Practice commenced. TJ felt some heat rising in his chest each time Buffy barked out an order at the team. He knew she was just doing her job, but it felt almost like she was being extra bossy today to get back at him. He supposed he deserved it for his behavior during their brief tutoring session, but it still ground his gears.

Another part of him felt lonely. He was looking forward to spending time with Marty and Buffy on the team as friends, not sudden adversaries. But it seemed Buffy had filled in Marty on their fight because the normally good-natured and goofy boy was cautious to exchange anything more than a cordial glance in TJ’s direction all practice. 

The worst part, though, was Dean. TJ almost forgot Dean was on the team until he sauntered in nearly 20 minutes late with that all too familiar shit-eating grin on his face. Coach Ryan rolled his eyes and chastised him for being late, but Dean, ever untouchable, shrugged it off and ran out onto the court as if nothing had happened. 

It didn’t help that Dean was actually pretty good, naturally athletic. But he definitely wasn’t the best. For sure, Buffy and TJ could take him. But the way he acted… It was like he owned the gym. TJ guessed, in some ways, he did, what with his parents serving as major donors to the Athletic Boosters. 

It wasn’t until the end of the two hours that everything came to a head. Coach Ryan had stepped out of the room to grab some travel game permission slips he was printing in the teacher’s lounge. Buffy was leading a cooldown stretch with the team. Ever the show-off, she challenged the less flexible members of the team to keep up with how limber she was. TJ couldn’t keep the annoyed look off his face at how cocky she was acting again. Frustration bubbled up in his chest. 

As Buffy instructed them all to bend over and touch their toes, TJ heard a snicker behind him. He peeked around and saw Dean whispering to one of their teammates and giggling. Buffy seemed to notice as well. She stood up and glared at Dean. “Care to share?”

Dean glanced at Buffy, eyes trailing her body lasciviously. “Just commenting on the fact that the view would be much better for everyone involved if you’d turn away from us.”

Buffy tensed. She was clearly extremely uncomfortable. TJ felt his insides shudder. This kind of talk was something he was used to, and worse, something he was complicit in letting happen around him. Though he had never felt compelled to make such lecherous comments, he had heard his fair share of them throughout his years.

Marty jumped in. “What the fuck, Dean? You’re such a pig. She’s our teammate, and more importantly, our captain. You can’t talk to her like that.”

Dean laughed and stood taller, imitating Marty in a belittling way. “Oh, she’s our captain, is she? Just because you’re in her pants, Marty, doesn’t mean you need to act like such a little bitch. No girl is my captain. I still can’t believe she’s even allowed on the team.”

TJ stayed silent. He felt sick. Marty, meanwhile, stood up immediately and almost charged at Dean, until one of their teammates grabbed his shoulder and held him back. Dean scoffed and turned his attention back to Buffy. “You don’t belong here,” he sneered. 

Something in TJ broke. His mind rushed back to his old school when he was growing up. Guilt bit at him. Back then, he was a little bit like Dean. Not to the same nasty extent, but he definitely held his athleticism and ego over those around him. It wasn’t until he grew up a bit and his family really started struggling with money that he began to change over the last couple of years. Still. Anger and guilt coiled in his gut. He was never the kind of person to stand up to bullies back then because let’s face it, he was friends with them… maybe even was one. But after Dean had come after Amber last week, and after what he just said to Buffy, who, despite them being pissed at one another, TJ still cared about… it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

“Dean, you need to shut the fuck up,” TJ said quietly. 

Everyone, including Dean, Marty, and Buffy, whipped their heads to look at him. Dean strolled closer. “Oh, the white knight returns. What, fairy? Can’t get enough of me?” 

Buffy and Marty’s eyes widened at this. TJ realized they didn’t know about his previous altercation with Dean, and they were probably a bit confused. 

TJ ground his teeth together. That cold fear that bloomed in his chest last week when Dean made a similar comment to him returned in full force. But this time, there was an even deeper pit of anger bubbling beneath it all. 

So, TJ stood up, calmly grabbed a basketball from the side of the gym, and walked slowly up to Dean. All eyes were on him. As he got closer, he saw Dean’s eyes narrowing. He was clearly waiting for a reaction from TJ. And boy, TJ was prepared to give him one. 

TJ shot a glance between Marty and Buffy. Both were silently watching. He saw the anger in Marty’s eyes and the hatred in Buffy’s aimed at the guy in front of him. He gave them a tiny nod, and then turned and looked Dean dead in the eyes. The other boy looked like a snake. 

TJ smiled. And promptly shot the basketball straight into Dean’s nose. 

* * *

Buffy gasped as the entire gym erupted into a flurry of motion. 

The offending basketball that struck Dean in the face bounced away as though it didn’t have a care in the world. 

Blood dripped from Dean’s nose onto the gym floor. He stumbled backward, groaning and holding his face in his hands. 

The surrounding teammates rushed into action, some grabbing and steadying Dean as he fell, others moving to stand between him and TJ. 

Marty ran forward, grabbed TJ’s shoulders, and held him back. Buffy could hear him saying something along the lines of, “Holy SHIT dude, what the fuck just happened?” 

Meanwhile, TJ honestly looked shocked as well. He was staring at his hands as though not believing they had indeed just tossed a basketball in Dean’s face (and sufficiently bloodied his nose). 

Suddenly, a voice shot through the air. “What on earth is going on here?” 

Buffy froze. 

Shit. Coach Ryan was back. 

Everyone was silent and still as a board, except for Dean. He pushed those supporting him away with a grunt and stood up straight. Glaring at TJ, Buffy, and Marty, he whipped around and shouted, “I’ll tell you what happened, Coach! TJ-”

“-was showing off taking a shot during stretches, and it bounced off the rim and hit Dean in the nose,” Buffy rushed out. 

Everyone whipped their eyes to look at her. Dean sputtered, gaping. She tried to infuse every ounce of anger she could muster into her glare at him, tried to convince him things would be so much worse if he tried to tell Coach the truth. Miraculously, it seemed to work. His mouth snapped shut and his eyes narrowed. Turning back to their coach, he nodded in defeat. 

Coach Ryan looked between all his players, seeming to find this explanation hard to believe. Finally, though, he relented. “TJ… you have to be more careful. No need to show off and get anyone here hurt. You’re staying later to help me clean up. Okay?”

TJ breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, sir.” Marty clapped a hand on his shoulder and smiled. 

Coach Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright, you all can head out, I guess. Make sure to grab a permission slip from me before you leave. Dean, head to the nurse to get your nose checked out.”

The heated energy in the air started to trickle out as the other students left. If looks could kill, Buffy, Marty, and TJ would have daggers in their chests as Dean glared at them while stalking out of the gym towards the nurse’s office. Finally, it was just Buffy, Marty, TJ, and Coach Ryan. Buffy shot TJ one last glance as Marty grabbed her shoulder and moved to leave the gym with her. 

As soon as they were outside, Buffy felt the emotions of what just happened welling up inside her. Marty ushered them both into a more secluded area of a nearby stairwell. Tears were welling up in Buffy’s eyes. 

“Hey, are you okay? I am so sorry about what happened there. We can go right now and tell Coach Ryan everything, Buffy-”

“-No,” she said emphatically, rubbing aggressively at her eyes out of frustration. She hated to cry, even in front of her boyfriend. “No, I tried that last year and nothing changed. I just need to beat him at his own game. I need to show him how much _better_ I am than he is.” 

Marty frowned. “Buffy, for one, you are leagues ahead of him. As a player. As a person. But he is being really offensive. Like, for real. You shouldn’t have to deal with it.”

Buffy shook her head slowly and looked up at her boyfriend. She breathed in a shaky breath. “I promise, if anything else happens, I will tell Coach. But we’re just getting started this season, I’m captain, I just… I can’t screw over this opportunity for myself because of some asshole like Dean.”

Marty clearly disagreed with her, but nodded, letting up for now. He took her gently in his arms and hugged her tightly. She pressed her face into his shoulder. 

They stayed like that for some time. Finally, Marty interrupted the silence. “I can’t believe TJ did that. Man, I have been dreaming of doing something like that to Dean for so long.”

Buffy pulled away and punched Marty’s shoulder. “I can’t believe it either. Wow. Today has just been…”

“A shit show?” they heard from behind them. They turned around and saw TJ walking over, almost sheepishly. Buffy smoothed out her gym clothes and stepped away from Marty, moving toward TJ. Marty followed her and high-fived TJ before shaking his shoulder. “Bro, I cannot believe you did that. You’re nuts.” Marty glanced between Buffy and TJ. “I’m gonna pull up my car. Buffy, still want a ride?”

Buffy nodded. “Sure, see you in a second.” With that, Marty jogged off, leaving the two alone. 

They glanced at each other, both unsure what to say. Finally, TJ quirked a half-smile and said, “Hey…”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Hey back.”

Silence swelled. They waited in stillness for the other to speak.

Finally, the jock sighed and slumped against the wall opposite her, slipping down until he was sitting with his knees hugged to his chest. “I suck at math.”

There it was. Buffy scoffed. “So? You didn’t need to be so rude today. I really was only trying to help.”

TJ nodded. “I know, I’m… I’m sorry. I was being an ass. I just…”

“You just…?” Buffy implored.

TJ gnawed at the inside of his mouth. “This has been a long-time thing, you know? Like, I was in 3rd-grade cheating off my friends because I just _couldn’t get it_. When you said that I wasn’t trying… I have been trying. I have been trying so hard for so many years that I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

Buffy let his words sink in. Perhaps she had judged him too quickly this afternoon. “That sucks…”

TJ huffed about a laugh. “Yeah. Sucks.”

Buffy sat down on the wall opposite TJ. “You really need to talk to Mr. C more. He’s actually really nice. If you tell him how long this has been going on, maybe he can help better.”

TJ rubbed at his face. “I’ll think about it,” he whispered with a wan smile. Buffy cracked one back.

They sat there in silence a while, the tension that had previously crept between them slinking away. It startled Buffy when TJ spoke again. “Fuck Dean.”

Buffy could have spit at how gross his name sounded. “Fuck Dean,” she echoed. 

TJ ran his hands through his hair. “It’s just… I used to be kind of a dick, like in middle school and stuff. But hearing Dean talk like that, I just… I had to say something, I don’t know. Maybe for all the times I didn’t. I already almost freaked out on him last week when he made a comment about Amber. I guess everything just came to a head today.”

Buffy nodded slowly. “It was fun to see him knocked down a peg, I have got to say,” she smirked. They caught eyes and cracked up, giggles spilling from their chests like some kind of frenetic catharsis. 

Buffy heaved a breath and wiped her eyes, heart heavy and light all at once. “I love being the only girl on the basketball team. But I also hate it. I hate always having to be this role model, having to prove myself against these impossible standards.”

TJ rushed in. “Slayer, you have nothing to prove. I’m… I’m sorry about what I said today. You deserve to be captain, seriously. You work harder than anyone else out there.”

Buffy smiled to herself and shrugged softly. “You sound like my mom.”

TJ looked up, cocking his head. “Yeah?”

Buffy nodded. “She is always telling me, you do so much already, you have nothing to prove… but she isn’t here. She doesn’t see that I do have something to prove. At least it always feels that way.”

“Where is she?” TJ asked. 

“Military,” Buffy responded, playing with a thread on her shirt. 

“Wow, I’m sorry…” TJ said, sincerely. They sat in silence a moment, before TJ offered up, “My mom is gone, too. Kind of. She left my dad and me this year and moved to San Diego with her new boyfriend. She wouldn’t respond to me for so long, but then like, she just called me this weekend randomly. It… fuck, it didn’t go well. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so upset with her… part of me doesn’t even want to try with her anymore.”

Buffy said firmly, but with care, “TJ, as someone who thinks every day, what would my life be like with my mom here right now, I really think you should reach out to her. For me, I mean, yeah, of course, my mom is my hero. She is a real-ass hero. And what she does is so important. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting. I know… it’s really different, but if I were you, and my mom was reaching out? I’d run to her, no matter what.”

“Really?” TJ asked. He sounded small, exposed.

“Really,” Buffy reaffirmed. 

Silence flooded in again, both of them lost in their own thoughts. 

Suddenly, Marty came crashing down the hall, announcing, “Buffy, the car is ready! Up and at ‘em!” He slid up to her and all but scooped her up in his arms. The air broke with the brevity he brought. Buffy smiled and grabbed his hand, before turning to focus on TJ. “Are we good?”

TJ smiled. “As long as you accept my apology?”

Buffy feigned indecision. “Hm… it’s a tough call. I don’t think your apology was impressive enough…”

TJ chuckled. “Well, if you’re looking for grandeur, I happen to be a pretty great rapper…”

Buffy’s eyes bugged out and she broke into a cackle. “Yeah, never mind, you’re fine. Just promise to never subject me to that.”

Marty pouted. “I wanna hear it!” 

Buffy shook her head and linked her arm with his. “As you said, the car is waiting. Maybe another time.”

With that, the two of them left, heading out the door, waving behind at TJ as they settled into their usual, familiar banter. 

Buffy’s heart was calming down. Despite how hellish practice had been, hopefully, things would start looking up. Talking with TJ helped, surprisingly. 

And if she was being honest, she was still on a high from seeing Dean’s nose nearly break.

* * *

TJ massaged his eyes. He suddenly felt utterly drained, like all his energy had seeped out onto the floor around him in a pool. He hoisted himself up, leaning against the wall for a moment as his vision danced from the quick rise. 

Buffy had given him a lot to think about. Mostly, he was happy that they weren’t fighting anymore. He was beginning to realize how much these new friends of his at Grant meant to him. Their care was something he wasn’t quite used to from friends. Except maybe…

His fingers opened Reed’s texts as if on autopilot. Without thinking too much, he responded. 

_wtfdoesTJstandfor: Yeah?_

On a whim, he opened his texts with his mom, too. He sent her a text and asked to call soon. 

A weight seemed to be drifting from his shoulders. Breathing out deeply, TJ made his way to the front of the school. As he reached the front entrance, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Expecting it to be Reed or his mom, he opened it quickly. 

It wasn’t Reed. Or his mom for that matter. But it brought an instant smile to his face. 

_Cyrus Goodman: hey you. Buffy just texted me... I hope you’re doing okay, and im glad you and Buffy are cool again :)) can we hang again soon?? Pls let me make up for acting like a crazy person yesterday !_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! It means so much to me. Please feel free to leave me a comment to let me know what you think. The next chapter will revolve around some Tyrus moments, and revisit TJ and Amber having that important conversation, as well as give an update on some Ambi pining. Ooooh, and we will find out what Reed wants, and what is going on with TJ's dad and mom, respectively. It will be jam-packed. I expect to have it up by the end of this week. 
> 
> Stay safe, and take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks! This is my first Andi Mack Fanfiction, but I have been voraciously reading Tyrus fics since the beginning of summer. I hope you all enjoy the way I try to engage with a different sort of TJ story - I wanted to give him the time and attention he deserves but in a different way. I am also in the process of coming out and dealing with my own queerness, so writing this story has been extremely therapeutic. Please let me know what you think!


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